The lede from a Miami Herald article surely beats all other ledes you reads this week:
A Florida man stabbed his computer with a Samurai sword after being accused of downloading kiddie porn. He was in his underwear when he did it.
Kamil Mezalka, 21 stabbed his hard drive with a two-handed sword after police stormed his home looking for evidence of his alleged downloading hundreds of child-pornographic files, according to an arrest affidavit.
(…) Mezalka came out of a second-floor bedroom in his underwear when police entered his home near Daytona Beach. He then ran to stab his computer.
The rest of the article is full of head-shakers. The dirtbag in question faces federal charges of downloading child pornography, which carry a maximum penalty of up to 20 years in federal prison.
Update: Here's the original source reporting, in the Daytona Beach News-Journal.