Chris Christie hopes to win the Republican nomination by being the biggest plain-speaking asshole of the pack. It's not working, though, because the absentee New Jersey governor can't rise above Mini Me status next to Donald Trump. In a desperate attempt to crawl out of his abysmal approval rating hole, the Bridgegate-tainted blowhard said as President he will hire FedEx to develop a system to track immigrants:
I'm going to have Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, come work for the government for three months. Just come for three months to Immigration and Customs Enforcement and show these people… You go online and at any moment, FedEx can tell you where that package is. Yet we let people come into this country with visas, and the minute they come in, we lose track of them.
The only detail left out of Christie's kooky proposal is where the tracking number tattoo will go. Right hand? Forehead?