Somehow I missed the successful kickstarter for a tiny bluetooth vinyl needle-in-a-box that powers 'round and 'round in circles along the grooves of a stationary record, obviating the need for an actual turntable. Now I've seen the Rokblok in action, I have to have one.
Here's another video:
This popular device is normally $90, but sold out at the official website. Amazon has them for $200.