Congress's stablest genius, Lauren Boebert, appeared on America's finest news network, NewsMax, to tell the world's second-crabbiest shitlord, Sebastian Gorka, that banning assault rifles will lead to Americans eating Fido for dinner.
"If the citizenry in America is disarmed, then we are no longer citizens," Boebert told Gorka, whose suit pocket sported an enormous handkerchief that looked like a crumpled pillowcase. "We are subjects. You know, here in America, we have gourmet treats for puppies. We have these amazing groomers for dogs. Well, in Venezuela, they eat the dogs, and it started because they don't have firearms."
It would be very sad for Boebert to have to eat her dog, but I'm disappointed that Mr. Gorka didn't follow up by asking her how she would go about preparing dog meat. After all, she is a restaurateur of note. Perhaps she could smoke the dog over hickory and applewood chips, or braise it in a red wine reduction.
