"Freedom Franks" are red, white, and blue hot dogs, flavored with vanilla, fruit punch, and blue razzberry

I didn't do much for the July 4th holiday, other than try to calm my dog down for hours as he freaked out over fireworks (ugh, really, people, isn't it past time to ban fireworks?!). But had I known about "Freedom Franks," perhaps I would have thrown a massive BBQ!

"Freedom Franks" are brought to you by "Justin Things," who is a purveyor of many fine goods. Justin Things posted a photo of the hot dogs, with the caption: "Happy America, America." The copy on the package describes the wiener delicacies:

Oscar Meyer Freedom Franks

America Flavored Hot Dogs

Uncured beef wieners flavored with vanilla, fruit punch, and blue razzberry

And to wash 'em down, throw back a can of "Nathan's Famous Beef Frank Meat Seltzer." Justin Things declares, "You can really taste the Chestnut." The can reads:

Nathan's Famous Beef Frank Meat Seltzer

Hard seltzer made from leftover dunking water from the 2020 Nathan's hot dog eating contest

And for folks who will be upset when they find out these things don't actually exist—Yes, Justin Things is a parody site. No, you can't actually buy any of these products–even though it's getting increasingly difficult to distinguish parody from reality. Sorry, folks.