A gentleman who fancied a porch package for his personal collection was caught on a security camera walking up to the front of a house and stuffing a delivered package into his knapsack.
He appeared shocked when the homeowner emerged with a baseball bat.
"Oh shit! Yo, yo, yo, yo!" said the porch pirate when he realized the homeowner wasn't coming out to gift him the bat or invite him to play a friendly game of street baseball.
Holding the bat over his shoulder, the homeowner instructed the porch pirate to "stay right there" and asked him what he had in his backpack.
"Nothing man," said Porch Pirate, as if auditioning for the role of the "Innocent Bystander" in a crime drama.
"What you got in that bag?" Bat Man repeated.
"Yo, this is my stuff," said Porch Pirate.
Realizing he was in a pickle, Porch Pirate turned philanthropist, "Yo, you can have everything bro."
Bat Man was not in the mood for gifts and ungraciously declined the offer. "Get on your knees, get on your knees, get on your fucking knees!" he said.
"Yo, I live on the co-" Porch Pirate began, perhaps hoping a bit of friendly conversation would lighten the situation.
However, Bat Man was not in the mood for making friends. "I don't give a fuck! Get on your knees!"
With the elegance of a defeated stage villain, Porch Pirate complied. "I am!" he declared, taking his final bow on the concrete stage of this suburban drama.
Previously: Porch pirate`s car gets stuck in snow
