"OH, CLARENCE!"
Episode 2, Season 1
"Hair Apparent"
INT. JUSTICE THOMAS' CHAMBERS – DAY
CLARENCE THOMAS and SAMUEL ALITO are lounging in plush leather armchairs, chortling over a laptop displaying the latest ProPublica exposé.
CLARENCE
(reading dramatically)
"Harlan Crow Provided Clarence Thomas at Least 3 Previously Undisclosed Private Jet Trips, Senate Probe Finds." Haha! They didn't look hard enough, if you catch my drift. Montana, Georgia, California… just a few little stops on the Crow Express!
SAM
(smirking)
Quite the jet-setter! Did you at least make time between jaunts for a little light insurrection?
CLARENCE
(chuckling)
Hah, I leave that nonsense to the missus. You know Ginni — if there's a democracy to overthrow, she's first in line with a busload of Proud Boys.
SAM
(nodding)
I hear that. Martha's been so busy hanging flags upside down I can hardly get her to pack my bags for my upcoming luxury fixing trip with GOP megadonor Paul Singer. He wants me to rule in his favor, again. I told him I better catch a bigger fish this time!
CLARENCE
(winking)
Singer already caught HIS fish, Sammy-boy. YOU!
SAM
(temper rising)
You wanna talk about being a fish? As if that quarter-million dollar RV you "bought" isn't just a glorified goldfish bowl your puppetmaster put you in?
CLARENCE
(chuckling)
Easy now, easy. Remember our pact, "No excuses, no recuses." I have to say, though, I'm not t0o happy with Air Crow right now. On that last Cali trip, I found a sus curly hair on my Coke can…
SAM
(grimacing)
Yikes, sounds like Harlan hired someone named "Anita" as his private stewardess! That, or Brett snuck aboard looking for the drink cart again.
CLARENCE
(laughing)
Y'know Boof's gonna bust our dry cleaning budget getting the barf stains out of his robes. Too bad being a brain-damaged frat boy for life doesn't grant you access to the real perks, like round-trip flights on a billionaire's dime!
SAM
(nodding sagely)
Ain't that the truth.
CLARENCE
(chortling)
Well, it's our truth, anyway. And when you're a Supreme Court Justice, that's all that matters. Now pass me that gavel, would you? I feel a bout of judicial activism coming on.
SAM slides the gavel to CLARENCE with a wink. CLARENCE bangs it triumphantly as we…
FADE OUT.
THE END
