• Bell's brewery releases beer named after very Midwestern idiom

    Bell's Brewery in Kalamazoo, Michigan tapped into a very Michigan thing, Michiganders say, to name their newest beer. No, it's not called party store (convenient store), 'jeet? (did you eat?) or doorwall (sliding glass door out to the patio)–all really embarrassing Michigan expressions, that I haven't entirely shaken since moving from Michigan to Chicago more than 20 years ago. It's this common Midwestern/Michigan polite-ism of epic wishy washy-ness: "No, Yeah".

    Bell's, who puts out one of the top rated beers in the country, Two Hearted Ale, releases "No, Yeah" as a crisp golden ale with a manageable 4.5% alcohol by volume.

    In case you're not familiar with the phrase "no, yeah" and how it would be used, it's one of those things that most people don't consciously realize they say. It's generally used in response to some kind of offer or statement.

    "Would you like me to put your receipt in the bag?" "No, yeah, that'd be fine."

    "…and this room comes with built-in shelves for storage." "No, yeah, this is great."

    What purpose does "no, yeah" serve? It's an attempt at being polite and not burdening the other person too much, a little like how "of course" has become commonplace in the service industry in recent years. But it's also hedging your bets and not being 100% definitive for fear of being too forward.

    "No, yeah's" step-sibling is "yeah, no" and is a whole 'nuther animal (I don't think "'nuther" is regional. I'm pretty sure a lot of us say this one). "Yeah, no" is the most assertive negative response you will get from a Midwesterner. "Yeah, no…" Translation: I follow what you're saying, but I'm gonna go ahead and disagree with that, if that's okay.

    Other Midwestern eccentricities listed on the Bell's "No, Yeah" labeling that I absolutely identify with is "just gonna sneak by ya", "no, yeah, for sure" which is the full version, and the one I have not been able to eradicate from my speech, the dreaded "ope, 'scuse me" when bumping into or avoiding bumping into someone. God, I hate that one.

  • Army guys for peace and tranquility

    These army guys have no guns, nor promote violence of any kind. Instead they strike yoga poses and are multicolored to enhance their gentle nature. Rainbow Joes is the colorful version of Yoga Joes–army guys wearing their helmets and uniforms striking yoga poses. Either in drab green or featuring the power of the rainbow. It comes with a bamboo studio floor and all of your favorite poses are represented, like downward facing dog, tree, warrior 1 aaaand warrior 2 (both warriors are still non-violent).

    As much as I loved playing with army men as a kid and enjoyed the plastic wars I would wage on the Fisher-Price Little People Garage with them, I think I am like so many others right now: looking for happy instead. These days I will gladly trade any notions of war, hostility and death for mindfulness, peace and care for one another.

  • The Capital bares similarities and excepts it's kneads

    The Capital building in Washington D.C. remained stationery in principal and has excepted it's ability to go fourth. While the attacks on the police were complimentary to Precedent Trump's suggestion for protesters to emigrate to Capital Hill, Trump claims he bares no responsibility.

    To make sure that he would not loose the support of his base, Trump continued to elude to an enquiry into the election results. Trump had peaked the suspicion of so many of the rioters that they affectively created such mayhem, farther than what the Capital Police expected, that it forced many of the on sight law enforcement to bale on the building's defence.

    In the passed few days many of the rioters became identified and put on the know-fly list. Shown in videos where it is insured that these terrorists are unable to fly commercially, they properly receive some of they're just deserts, rather then a right of passage.

    Had enough?

    Check out The Copywriter's Crucible for more misuses of homophones (I know, not ALL in the above article are perfect homophones, so sew me).

  • On-camera blundering hits the same beats as song

    A gentleman brandishing a guitar and a colorful blouse, who could easily sub-in for any member of Spinal Tap, falls back in his chair and crashes into a piano at the same moment Phil Collins beats the drums in the best part of the song "In The Air Tonight". The syncing of his thumping is well-aligned and hilariously vaudevillian.

    The man utters an equally satisfying swear on his way down. Even if this is choreographed, and I don't think it is, it's perfect.

  • 1800's "Baron Trump" looks enough like Barron Trump, other parallels, foster time traveling theories

    In the late 1800's author Ingersoll Lockwood wrote a series of children's novels whose main character was named "Baron Trump." And awaaayyyyy we go into Donald-Trump-is-a-time-traveler theories, which is pretty goofy, but let's look at some of the spooky parallels first. Snopes.com lists the contents of the books and the subsequent similarities as "mostly true".

    1. The books character, Baron Trump, starts his journey in Russia heading to America with a character guiding his way named "Don". (What the…?)
    2. The illustration of Baron does bear a resemblance to today's Barron Trump.
    3. Lockwood wrote another book called "1900; or, The Last President" in which a strongly opposed New York politician surprisingly gets elected president and people protest in a "state of uproar". (Ok, big deal)
    4. That politician lived in a hotel on New York's 5th Avenue. (Hmm, Trump Tower is on 5th Avenue.)
    5. He also chose someone for his cabinet named "Lafe…Pence". (Come on!)

    From Snopes:

    Baron Trump's Marvelous Underground Journey, and 1900: or, The Last President, are indeed real books by writer Ingersoll Lockwood. (We haven't been able to uncover any evidence proving that Donald Trump and his family have access to a time machine, however). 

    Both of the books are archived by the Library of Congress and can be read in full on Archive.org. Baron Trump's Marvelous Underground Journey was published in 1893 and 1900: or, The Last President came out a few years later. According to the Encyclopedia of Science Fiction, Lockwood penned at least one other book about the Baron Trump character, The Travels and Adventures of Little Baron Trump and His Wonderful Dog Bulgar, which was published in 1890.

    Ok, maybe I can get into the creepiness of a 130 year-old book series prophetically calling out some things in our modern day. That's cool and fun and gives one the tingles, but time traveler Trump? No way.

    If Trump had the ability to time travel do you think he'd choose this course for himself? Utter disgrace? I would think he'd go back to 2015 and start over. From that point to now he could have safely criticized the government, got another divorce, got another wife, cheated at golf without people caring that he wasn't working, attended things publicly with celebs, traveled without protests, lived in New York, hosted TV shows–you know, all the Trumpy stuff. What absolute maniac would trade that billionaire lifestyle for this President Trump life? Oh. Wait. Maybe he is a time traveler.

  • How could there be two famous people named Wink Martindale?

    How could this be? How could two well-known Winks Martindale roam the face of this Earth? One Wink Martindale is the consummate game show host, most notably of the popular game show "Tic-Tac-Dough" that ran from 1978-1985. He is now a healthy 87 years old. His full name is Winston Conrad Martindale and a childhood friend started calling him "Wink" for short and it stuck.

    But there's a second Wink Martindale, and that's what seems impossible. The latter Wink was born Don Martindale, and in 2012 became the linebackers coach and eventually the defensive coordinator for the professional football team the Baltimore Ravens.

    When I heard his name being called during the playoff game between the Ravens and the Tennessee Titans, my first thought was, "how could there ever be two people with such a ridiculous name and how could they each have acquired enough fame for me to hear of them both?" Never did I think game-show Wink had a career change.

    Before I looked for a glitch in the matrix I looked it up on my phone and the answer was really simple. Don Martindale's team mates on his college football team at Defiance College nicknamed him Wink after the well-known game show host, because he had the Martindale last name. Totally makes sense.

    Still. Football Wink got that name well before he became a known NFL figure…and he eventually acquired notoriety despite his goofy nickname, not because of it? An inspection of the matrix might still be necessary.

  • Rare Madrid snowfall results in spontaneous snow battle

    Remember when a large gathering of people in a public area could be a fun, positive thing? Like a concert? Or a sporting event? These people got to experience that in Madrid, Spain on Friday after getting slammed with winter storm Filomena.

    A good-natured heaving of snow balls at their fellow persons broke out in the Plaza de Callao, at the center of the city of Madrid. Note the gleeful shouting and raucous laughter.

    This was the biggest snowfall Spain had seen in 50 years. Though the Madrid city council urged people to stay home, these snow-revelers came out anyway, for an impromptu snow fight, pummeling their neighbors with joy.

  • Odd sea creatures moving in formation

    At first glance the video appears to show some kind of gross leech lurking in a pond. I even thought it resembled a fat version of the SR-71 Blackbird, a 1950s Cold War era jet, able to cruise on the edge of space and outfly a missile.

    It's refreshing to see that it is twin manatees following their mother gracefully on either flank. Serenity now.

  • The Animaniacs, and Trump supporter's onion?

    First, the video showing a Trump supporter, identified as Elizabeth Koch from Tennessee, saying she was maced for storming the capitol on Wednesday has been hilariously mashed up with this Animaniacs intro. Enjoy.

    But now, the theory is that maybe she did not get maced at all. It appears that in the towel that she wipes her face with, there is an onion, and that is what is causing her tears.

    It does look awfully onion-y.

    As social media is wont to do many debates have broken out. Is it an onion, to cause phony tears? Is it a block of ice to treat her maced eyes? What? Where'd the ice come from? Maybe someone's cooler, ever think of that, smart guy? Rioters like cold beverages too. Who would think to bring an onion to an event where mace would be easily available? Wait! Some believe that using an onion in your eyes after being maced works as a remedy. She brought an onion in anticipation of being maced? What the…?

    All of the conjecture is a little bit interesting but a lot unimportant. Many of the possibilities as to the course of Ms. Koch's actions and the validity as to whether she was maced or not still boil down to her one treasonous statement "…we're storming the Capitol. It's a revolution!"

    She attacked her country. That's the important part. And however her tears were derived, they are deserved.

  • Stephen Colbert: "Who could have seen this coming? Everyone?"

    Stephen Colbert's The Late Show opening helps his watchers deal with the catastrophe of yesterday's Trump-surrection, because he asks and answers what most sober-minded Americans are thinking. Are we surprised? Nope.

    Fox News, the Republican Party, Trump-supporting members of congress and even the casual Trump voter need to spare us all of their phony outrage over the terrorist acts perpetrated on Capitol Hill yesterday. As much as those Trump maniacs smashed windows, stormed through the rotunda, waved confederate and Trump flags through the halls, demolished congressional offices, threatened the safety of the Capitol Police and everyone in the building–you did this. You've been doing it all along by allowing Trump to be Trump, so own it. YOU did this.

    The 25th amendment is there for a reason and there could not be a more glaring reason to enact it than now, before a whole lot more crazy is perpetrated by the psycho-in-chief between today and January 20th.

  • Nicolas Cage says f*** and s*** and more in this documentary series about swearing

    Nicolas Cage swears a lot in his films and lends legitimacy to this Netflix documentary series about swearing, by being its host. Samuel L. Jackson, Al Pacino or anyone from the show Deadwood would have been good candidates as well. "History of Swear Words" offers 6 b**** a** episodes available on Netflix starting January 5.

    This s*** show explores the etymology of certain f****** profanities using motherf****** lexicographers and g****** historians, as well as comedians like Nikki Glaser, Sarah Silverman, Nick Offerman and many f****** others.

    We use all these f****** words all the time. Now find out why, you $#%*@%^*&@!#$%!

  • Squirrel attacks leave Queens residents shaken, bloodied

    You're minding your own damn business worried about your job, your health, your family, maybe even the political climate. Typical anxiety of our times. But if you happen to live in Queens, NY add one to the list: Squirrel attacks.

    Micheline Frederick probably has put squirrel ambushes at the top of her 2021 worry list after what happened to her last Thursday. A neighborhood squirrel dropped down on her and sunk its teeth into her wrist and hand.

    "We're wrestling in the snow and there's blood everywhere and my fingers getting chewed and it won't let go," Frederick told WCBS-TV. "Eventually, it just stopped and there I was a big bloody mess."

    "This was an MMA cage match! And I lost!" she added.

    And Frederick isn't the only victim of the squirrel attacks. Other residents have spoken up about the strange behavior of the animals, stating that they attempted to climb their legs multiple times, and even jumping off a mailbox to attack. One resident stated that she was just walking up her driveway when a squirrel jumped on her and bit her on the arm. She managed to get the animal off of her before it did any additional damage.

    In Queens, even the squirrels are tough. Watch your backs over there.

  • Embarrassing unmuted comment from reporter gets reaction by Trevor Lawrence

    Clemson football's star quarterback Trevor Lawrence had just gotten trounced by Ohio State in a college football playoff game 49-28. A game the Tigers were favored to win. In a post-game over-the-computer interview Lawrence actually hears an unmuted reporter's comment about him, that was not intended to be heard. Watch his reaction:

    "Thank you" is all Lawrence responded with to the "shave the 'stache" jab. Good poise, Trevor. You'll definitely have to deal with a lot more of that in the NFL next year, and in all the years to come.

  • Brilliant Space Needle New Years virtual display from your couch

    Like most other cities Seattle discouraged people from going out in public on New Year's Eve to ring in 2021 due to the pandemic. Instead of an elaborate outdoor fireworks display or ball drop, at-home viewers were treated to T-Mobile New Year's at the Needle.

    via King5.com:

    Organizers at the Space Needle said the virtual show was made possible by "using sky-mapping technology and real video footage" layered with immersive, digital artistic expressions to create an illusion of color and wonder. In reality, the tower was lit in T-Mobile's distinctive magenta color, but on screens, viewers were dazzled by the virtual show surrounding the Space Needle and skies above.

  • Wisconsin football team destroy bowl game trophy in celebration

    The Duke's Mayo Bowl trophy was actually nicer than it's sponsor's name might indicate. This football trophy, paid for by Duke's mayonnaise, was celebrated and won with a decisive 42-28 victory by Wisconsin over Wake Forest on Wednesday. But then one of these cheese heads dropped it while dancing around in the locker room.

    The revamped trophy with mayo bottle taped to the top of the base is probably how this trophy should have been designed in the first place.

    Image
    via IKE_Badgers on twitter