Trump fires John Bolton's moustache

President Trump this morning fired John Bolton, his national security mustache. Trump cited various disagreements with him over policy.

I informed John Bolton last night that his services are no longer needed at the White House. I disagreed strongly with many of his suggestions, as did others in the Administration, and therefore. ... I asked John for his resignation, which was given to me this morning. I thank John very much for his service. I will be naming a new National Security Advisor next week.

After his firing, Bolton immediately tweeted that he had tried to resign last night, but Trump fobbed him off. Enjoy this a rapid-fire entry in the annals of Trump collaborators haplessly trying to get back in front of him after he publicly humiliates them on Twitter.

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John Bolton vows not to shave moustache

Legendary nutcase John Bolton, said to have been denied a cabinet position in the Trump administration due to the president-elect's dislike of moustaches, has vowed not to shave his off.

"I appreciate the grooming advice from the totally unbiased mainstream media, but I will not be shaving my #mustache," he wrote on Twitter, hashtagging the reference to his Nietzschean schnozz brush.

The Hill elaborates on Trump's preference for men who look a certain way.

Trump’s aides have accepted he may rule out candidates who do not satisfy his image of what a particular nominee for a role should look like, according to The Washington Post.

“That’s the language he speaks,” said a source familiar with the Trump transition team’s internal deliberations. "He’s very aesthetic. You can come with somebody who is very much qualified for the job, but if they don’t look the part, they’re not going anywhere.”

Bolton's keeping his moustache is actually quite badass, especially if he was asked to lose it to be considered for a job. Read the rest

President-Elect Trump reportedly denied John Bolton a cabinet position because he didn't like his moustache

Legendary nutcase John Bolton was in the running for a high-level cabinet pick in millionaire president-elect Donald Trump's administration. Multiple sources claim that he was denied serious consideration, however, because Trump makes decisions based upon people's looks. To put it plainly: he simply cannot stand to look at Bolton's equally legendary facial hair. The cabinet hunt was described as a "casting call" in one report.

Given Trump’s own background as a master brander and showman who ran beauty pageants as a sideline, it was probably inevitable that he would be looking beyond their résumés for a certain aesthetic in his supporting players.

“Presentation is very important because you’re representing America not only on the national stage but also the international stage, depending on the position,” said Trump transition spokesman Jason Miller.

To lead the Pentagon, Trump chose a rugged combat general, whom he compares to a historic one. At the United Nations, his ambassador will be a poised and elegant Indian American with a compelling immigrant backstory. As secretary of state, Trump tapped a neophyte to international diplomacy, but one whose silvery hair and boardroom bearing project authority.

Now you know why Chris Christie doesn't have a job. Read the rest

John Bolton demands obliteration of Wikileaks' electrons

John Bolton, former U.N. Ambassador and President of the Presidium of the Supreme Stacheviet, has an opinion on Wikileaks! It is quite a predictable one, but his editorial in The Guardian offers this deathless, Thiessenesque proposition:

The Pentagon's cyber-warriors need target practice in this new form of combat, and they could long ago have practised by obliterating WikiLeaks' electrons.

I have been searching for a theme tune appropriate for our cyber-warriors, and believe I have found an excellent candidate:

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