TSA's new book for kids: "My First Cavity Search"


"My First Cavity Search: Helping your child understand why he may be a threat to national security." (Thanks, Felipe Li!)


    1. I made it in 2008; they wore white shirts back then. It’s funny that this drawing took on a life of its own; I’ve even seen a Pedobear version.

  1. I’d like to see the subtitle read: “Helping your child understand why he is a threat to National Security”

    Guilty until proven innocent and all that.

  2. I would actually like to see this made into a book. A kind of book that a child will read, and say WTF at the end. A good tutorial of why one of our founding fathers said such things as, and should be quoted at the end of the book: “Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”

    1. True story: I had to have eye surgery when I was 5, and somebody (maybe my parents or grandparents?) gave me a little coloring book that was all about the hospital and things that might happen there. One page showed a little bear in an iron lung, and I won’t lie: It freaked me the HELL out. I was all, “Why did they put that little bear in a METAL PRISON WHY WHY WHY WILL THEY DO THAT TO ME NO NO NO !!NO!NO!!??”

      And that book was actually pretty well intentioned.

  3. (OTOH, this creepy fake cover carries its own unicorn chaser; the artwork over at mojito.over-blog.net is quite charming.)

  4. I don’t know who I’d rather have holding the wand: Officer Pornstache on the left, or Officer W.C. Fields on the right.

    1. OMG! Donald Peterson – Officer Pornstache! I’m dying with laughter! I love that Officer Pornstache is tightening up his rubber gloves…

  5. Yes, we object because of the children. Not because we don’t want a stranger’s hand up our fucking asses. It’s just the children.

    1. Purly, unfortunately, “think of the children” is probably the most effective way to get through to people.

      BTW, next time you go through the pat-down (you do waste as much of their time and manpower by avoiding the scanner, don’t you?) mention how sorry you feel for the TSA agent. In an unnaturally loud voice, so the line can hear you, explain that it must be stressful to be required to be involved in child pornography and molestation as part of their daily routine.

      1. “Purly, unfortunately, “think of the children” is probably the most effective way to get through to people.”

        Yup. It’s what finally go to me. Actually it was a line Jennifer Welsh quoted in a post over at Discover Blogs: “You should never have to explain to your children, “Remember that no stranger can touch or see your private area, unless it’s a government employee, then it’s OK.”

        Except, of course, I’d add that it’s not just government employees — rent-a-cops, public and private school administrators, and venue operators (movies, amusement parks, concerts) looking for smuggled food or beverages, and of course the goons from the MPAA would all love to get their hands in our pants too.

        What’s sickening, of course, is it’s not about perversion — they’re probably as humiliated to do it as we are to receive it. What’s sickening is that they do it anyway. Same thing and maybe worse when they do it to little kids.


  6. Actually, I am motivated by recent events to, the next time I fly, simply strip naked in the middle of the TSA area, publicly, as a protest, driving everyone to disgust with my fat ugly ass, telling everyone “They won’t ‘randomly select’ my fat ugly ass, but I am sure this hot chick over here will get randomly selected!”

  7. I wrote an airline my hubby flew with 2 weeks ago (domestic flight, body scan), said people won’t fly, you’ll go b/k, so it’s YOUR problem. Fix it.

  8. I’m waiting for an HMO to get in on the act and start collecting fees for the “in-line prostate exam”…..

  9. Can you imagine what is going to happen to us in real life the first time an attempt is made (and twarted by a passenger, like the last attempt) to bring plastic explosive devices onto an aircraft by actually concealing them IN a body cavity.
    THE TSA and all of the government security is reactive; we will all be subjected to rectal exams. Please change the gloves each time. before I fly I am going to stay up all nite eating bean burittos. It will be ugly. Ask me at the counter if I pasked it myself! Mark my word.

  10. This is just creepy. I know if I am flying with my kids and they want to pat down my children I will be asking for a real good reason and a supervisor.

  11. Just remember that airport officials have the option of hiring outside companies to do their passenger screening and they can then dump TSA !!!

    1. But private contractors have to follow TSA procedure, so this doesn’t really solve the problem (except it will put lots of money into the hands of those companies, such as the ones giving all those donations to their shill Mica).

  12. I still like the idea of wearing kilts, authentic style of course, on Opt Out Day. Who knows, I may just be so terrified by the molestation that I pee myself while it is happening.

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