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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is out of rehab and back in the news, homophobing it up for the cameras and trying to get re-elected. Read the rest

Rob Ford's pitiable moment on Jimmy Kimmel


Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford flew to Los Angeles for an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel show. What followed was more than a little awkward. Kimmel is a great pains to hide his dislike of Ford, but he's not entirely successful. The hardest part comes at the end, when Kimmel confronts Ford with the fact that he is an out-of-control alcoholic, whose blackouts, binges, abuse and dangerous behavior are putting him, the city, and the people he loves at risk. Ford's total denial is genuinely pitiable. Joey Davilla has a very thorough writeup of the appearance, with links to the other parts of the video. Read the rest

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Rob Ford sued for jailhouse beating of his ex-brother-in-law

Here's a new turn in the saga of Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford, the mayor of Toronto: a lawsuit alleges that he had a couple of his former football team proteges beat six kind of hell out of his estranged brother-in-law in jail. The brother-in-law is suing Ford, saying that when he was in jail, a couple of Ford's former players broke his leg and shattered his teeth as a warning to stay silent about the mayor's drug problem. Read the rest

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford curses in a jafaican accent when he's loaded

A video of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford drunk and bellowing obscenities in a jafaican accent has surfaced. Ford, a luminously white and privileged man who was born into millions in a quiet suburb of Toronto, affects an embarrassing West Indian accent as he thunders to a captive audience at a west-end steak joint.

The subject of his rant was Toronto police chief Bill Blair, who instigated the long-running investigation into Ford's association with drug-dealers and gangsters, and which surfaced evidence that the mayor had smoked crack, driven drunk, and lied to the public and to council. In the video, Ford calls Blair "Cocksucking fucking Chief Blair."

He also says "bumbaclot." A lot.

When the scandal broke, Ford admitted to his drug use and swore he'd gone sober. But he told reporters who questioned him about this video that he was drunk, and that the events depicted in it were his "my personal life, with my personal friends, that's up to me. This really has nothing to do with you guys." Read the rest

Rob Ford police document: allegations of heroin use and more

Another tranche of police documents on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been released [474 page (!) PDF]. Despite the mayor's insistence that all of his secrets were now out in the open and he had nothing more to hide, the new materials contain several bombshells, including allegations of heroin use, bribing crooks with marijuana, and lying about the infamous crack video. Read the rest

Rob Ford's cunnilingus quip: Taiwanese news animation edition

News of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford's official cunnilingus policy has reached the Taiwanese news video animation people, and they've risen to the occasion with predictable insanity. The mayor-on-beaver moments are really the best here, I think. Read the rest

Rob Ford gives staff $5,000 taxpayer dollars each to stay on

As the career of Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford continues to circle the drain, he's circling the wagons. He's offered all of his staffers $5,000 taxpayer-funded raises to stay on. For a guy who got into office claiming he'd "end the gravy train," the guy sure is a one-man gravy train -- he's also promised to use taxpayer dollars to fight the motions in council that stripped him of his powers. Read the rest

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Rob Ford articulates official mayoral cunnilingus policy

Here's Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford responding to yesterday's release of the partially redacted police file. After stating his intent to take legal action against a host of current and former staffers, wait staff at a restaurant, and many others, he addresses the allegation that he "wanted to eat [Olivia Gondek's] pussy."

The mayor stated, for the record: "I would never do that. I'm happily married. I've got more than enough to eat at home."

Rob Ford will (ahem) go down in history with this quote Read the rest

Toronto council turns their back to Rob Ford every time he speaks

Toronto Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford has refused to resign or even take a leave of absence, despite having admitted to smoking crack, despite a police report that has him driving drunk, snorting coke with a prostitute in a restaurant, abusing his staff, and using City letterhead to write a reference letter pleading for clemency in the sentencing of a man charged with uttering death threats, selling drugs, and extortion.

Council lacks the power to remove Ford, and until he is charged with a crime, he can remain in office. Now, according to Robin Doolittle from the Toronto Star, the Toronto City Council is now turning their backs every time he stands to speak.

(via Accordion Guy) Read the rest

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's less-censored police file: criminality, abuse, and intoxication

Photo: Reuters

Toronto police have released a "less censored" version of their report on Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford, and Toronto Star reporter (@jpags) has been tweeting the highlights of the (unproven) police allegations as she goes. I've embedded some of the most significant ones below. A lot of material deals with the mayor's public intoxication and his appearances at work-related events (and at City Hall) where he was too intoxicated to function. On one occasion, he is accused of bringing two prostitutes to city hall. He is said to have been high on oxycontin on another occasion.

Another major theme is the mayor's abuse of his employees: getting them to buy booze for him, driving them at high speeds while intoxicated (one staffer saw him drink an entire pint of vodka before getting behind the wheel), verbally abusing them, getting them to run personal errands for him, calling them in tears, drunk and distraught. He made one staffer write a letter of support for bagman Andrew Lisi, charged with uttering death threats, which the mayor submitted.

Then there's the shadowy, underworldy-type things. His bagman, Sandro Lisi (charged with uttering death threats, selling drugs, and extortion) is said to have offered drugs to unknown persons for the return of the mayor's stolen phone. And when the mayor allegedly snorted cocaine with an unknown woman at the Biermarkt restaurant, a staffer demanded that the waitress give her name and told her "Don't tell anyone about what you saw here tonight." Read the rest

Rob Ford: master of the comedic pause

Toronto mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford is back in council for the first time he admitted that he smoked crack (though he insists he's not a "crack smoker"). He's refused to step aside and repudiated his lawyer's suggestion that he was going into rehab. Meanwhile, the trial of Sandro Lisi proceeds apace -- the mayor's friend/fixer/driver/muscle, up on drug dealing and extortion charges -- and the video evidence that the mayor arranged wordless package handovers with Lisi in parking lots and parks and public toilets is on everyone's mind. Rob Ford has always made a big deal about saving the taxpayer money by refusing a driver (it was his excuse when he was caught reading while driving on the highway), but he clearly also didn't have a driver because it would have interfered with crack smoking, drunken stupors, and covert meetings with drug dealers.

But say what you will about the mayor -- and there's a lot to say, for example, his claims of saving money are BS -- he certainly has comedic timing. Check out the pregnant pause in council after he's asked whether he's bought illegal drugs. Comedy genius!

Rob Ford admits to City Council that he purchased drugs Read the rest

All-purpose apology for corrupt, inept, thieving, substance-abusing Canadian politicians

It's not just Toronto mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford: Canada's politicians at all levels are in trouble, though senators, mayors and the Prime Minister and his cronies are leading the pack for corruption, scandal, thieving, criminality, and prevarication. And none of them, not one, knows how to say sorry. Noting this, Andrew Coyne has penned an all-purpose apology for Canadian pols to use as a template when the inevitable comeuppance arrives: Read the rest

Rob Ford's exaggerated and imaginary savings to the taxpayers of Toronto

Rob Ford claims that he should be excused for his crack-fuelled, drunken rages while serving as mayor of Toronto, because of the billion dollars he's saved the city. But as a line-by-line analysis of Laughable Bumblefuck's fiscal claims demonstrates, he's just another politician, cooking the books. Read the rest

Rob Ford's crack dance

DJ Steve Porter's "Rob Crack Remix" gives us some rare, autotuned insight into old Laughable Bumblefuck's state of mind and the philosophy that has dictated his mayoral term in Toronto.

DJ Steve Porter - Rob Ford Crack Remix (Thanks, Jonny!) Read the rest

Toronto's crack-smoking mayor, covered in the style of foreign affairs

WashPo's Max Fisher reports on Toronto's crack-smoking Mayor Rob "Laughable Bumblefuck" Ford, using the conventions of the western press when it reports on poor countries. Here's part of the lede: "In a country where dissent is limited by traditional mores, the transgression has sparked rare public outrage and raised concerns about the stability of the Canadian regime." Read the rest