The guy who blogs at "And I Am Not Lying" is very funny. Here's his rant on a horrible haircut he recently saw.
Last weekend I saw a haircut ugly and evil enough to impregnate a nun just so it could kick her down a set of steep stairs. I've seen some stupid haircuts in my day, rocked more than a few regrettable 'dos my damn self. My own hair in high school was shaven on the sides and back and semi-sorta-not-really-at-all long on the top in a 'do that would have looked like a brain handle had I been able to pull it into a ponytail. I used to wonder why girls didn't take me seriously.
The guy's head was bald, shiny bald all the way back just past the apex of his dome right to where the third hair on Homer Simpson's head would lie. There then sprung, abruptly, a dense forest of ramrod-straight hair about four inches long, spiky on the top.
Then the whole enterprise gave way to a classic Kentucky Waterfall, a pool of long brown hair flapping impudently down the back of the head and slapping the shoulders like so many dust-clotted ostrich feathers. A pair of admittedly robust sideburns jutted out from the bowels of the 'do, embracing the man's face like Hugh Jackman's 'burns in the X-Men franchise. Or like a pair of giant hairy ant mandibles. Either metaphor works.
Here's an artist's rendition: