Bearjacking! Sandwich-seeking Ursus americanus invades car, drives it, honks horn, poops, flips out

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67 Responses to “Bearjacking! Sandwich-seeking Ursus americanus invades car, drives it, honks horn, poops, flips out”

  1. Felan says:

    Total Enviro-Bear 2000 rip-off:

    http://www.enviro-bear.com/

  2. Avram / Moderator says:

    I’ll be disappointed if this doesn’t turn up on The Colbert Report.

  3. social_maladroit says:

    Wonder if his insurance policy covers situations like this.

    • Xeni Jardin says:

      The reports I linked to stated that yes, they’re getting full coverage. And the car is a total loss.

      • Gilbert Wham says:

        A total loss? Hell, I’ve paid good money for cars worse than that! Granted, they were made by British Leyland, so a Toyota that had been shredded then shat in by a bear would be a step up, but still…

        • 3eff_jeff says:

          British Leyland, eh? So was it brand new or not running at all?

        • Anonymous says:

          As a former Rover 2000 owner, I can tell you that you are spot on. That car had one interesting characteristic, in that, regardless of which part you wanted to work on, you had to remove another part first that was in the way.

  4. Antinous / Moderator says:

    Yeah, Toyota, it’s all the bear’s fault. Nothing wrong with the car. Nothing at all.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Jesus Christ it’s a bear in the car! Get the camera!

  6. Nadreck says:

    Bear eats poops, and leaves.

  7. grimc says:

    Pedobear doesn’t take PBJ sandwiches. He offers them when he runs out of candy.

  8. Alenonimo says:

    Why is the pedobear on the article? There’s no mention of children.

  9. Anonymous says:

    INSERT: Redundant jokes about Toyota.(I apologize for not readin the comments already posted)

  10. Anonymous says:

    I wonder if “Bear Attacks” are covered under his insurance?

  11. Anonymous says:

    A runaway Toyota in reverse! Toyota just put a bear in there with photoshop to get better publicity.

  12. Anonymous says:

    I smell another toyota recall bruin.

  13. bitman362 says:

    Carjacking = Jack a car.
    Bearjacking = Jack a bear.

    Who jacked the bear?

  14. Chris Tucker says:

    “Yogi, Mr. Ranger isn’t going to like this.”

  15. godisafiction says:

    Looks like the bear broke into the car to rip off the stereo. Looks like the other two he got that night are sitting on the dash board in front of him.

  16. Anonymous says:

    This bear is clearly qualified for a driver’s license, he drives better than some people I’ve seen.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Are we sure it wasn’t just an Enviro Bear 2000 LARPer?

  18. semiotix says:

    My favorite part of this story is that they have about 20 “related story” links going back only to May 2009 of other things that bears have trashed, including three other cars.

    BEARS: ARE THEY ECO-TERRORISTS?

  19. ROSSINDETROIT says:

    Poor bear! Just wanted a sandwich and got trapped!

  20. dragonet2 says:

    Same thing happened to a girlfriend who lives in the Grand Lake area of Colorado. Her moon roof broke, her hubby helpfully taped a black plastic bag over the hole because it had been raining.

    Bear saw black trash bag thing and went, “Bag = food.” and fell into her car. It proceeded to panic and trash the interior. When it finally came to its senses it went “oh, that is how I fell in!” and proceeded to climb back out through the moon roof.

    That act put the coup de grace on the car. Pushed the roof down a couple of inches, plus crushed the moon roof tracks together.

    Insurance agent finally put the cause as ‘vandalism.’ Because there was no category for animal damage.

    And she didn’t leave ANYTHING in the car that has an odor. Bears can be motivated to rip into cars for just about anything that smells strongly, even if it isn’t food.

    • Anonymous says:

      When I read “same thing happened to a girlfriend”, I immediately pictured your hungry girlfriend breaking into your Toyota for a pb&j sandwich, getting trapped, and then devastating the car interior. And taking a bear-sized dump on the seat.

  21. piminnowcheez says:

    Granted, it’s probably mostly because of the word “poops” meeting the still-thriving 13-year-old-boy in me, but I can’t read the headline to this post without giggling.

    Trying to imagine the ursine equivalent of “omg wtf!?” that must have been going through the bear’s head only makes matters worse.

  22. headcode says:

    Whether or not the car was left unlocked has no “bearing” on the matter. When a bear really wants to get into a car it just peels the door frame open like a tin lid on a can of sardines. I’m very, very surprised that the bear could not easily exit, as they are known to just punch through a car window as if it was cellophane.

  23. Anonymous says:

    That is just like that Mercury Insurance commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1J7KD6vKNg

  24. Trotsky says:

    Some people will do anything to drive in the HOV lane.

  25. Trotsky says:

    GTA: Yellowstone.

  26. skabob says:

    I’m B.J. McKay and this is my best friend, Bear!

    also, “eats, poops, and leaves”, not “eats poops, and leaves”, that would be my dog.

    AND… Larkspur is home to a Renaissance Festival, so cloudy with a chance of LARP’ers.

  27. Carl Rigney says:

    Not quite a re-enactment of my favorite Far Side bear cartoon: “Think about it Murray. …if we could get this baby runnin’, we could run over hikers, pick up females, chase down mule deer– man, we’d be the grizzlies from hell.”

  28. Trotsky says:

    If you got beef to settle, it’s almost always a bad idea to send a bear out on a drive-by.

    Racoons? Sure. Those mu-fuhs are stone cold killers. But if you send a bear out, he will ALWAYS find a way to fuck it up. And he will snitch you out to the po-po to cop a deal. Guaranteed. That’s some hard won ghetto wisdom right there.

    Apparently, the criminal element in Colorado is a little slower than most. They’ll learn though.

  29. Trotsky says:

    Ben Story was one raccoon away from getting his ticket punched. You can run, but you can’t hide.

    Get me Winston Wolfe.

    The only person who fucks Marcellus Wallace is Mrs. Wallace, Ben.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Hang on a second here, “Ursus americ-…ANUS???!!” Are you callin’ mah country a assh*le?

  31. voiceinthedistance says:

    Obviously a savvy urban bear. Notice how he already had the radio and CD player pulled and ready to take to his fence? The sandwich was only a pretense.

  32. Jack says:

    I thought this was the saddest/funniest animal story I read today. Then I read this sad tale of a mama raccoon rummaging through a Brooklyn kitchen for food for it’s baby. It sadhorrifyinglarious!

  33. Felton says:

    This could be viral marketing for Disney’s upcoming Country Bears reboot, featuring more realistic CGI bears, and directed by Michael Bay.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Believe it or not I once had a similar experience, except the bear was sleeping in the back seat when I got in the car (a ’57 Pontiac Chieftan) and woke up when I started the car. It panicked and got halfway into the front seat. I had the car in reverse by then and inadvertently floored it. We flew backwards across the road, propelling the bear the rest of the way into the front seat. The car went into a ditch, tearing out the gas tank. I got out of there and the bear did likewise. I was lucky to escape without being bit or clawed.

  35. Trotsky says:

    That’s not Pedo Bear. That’s 100% Enviro Bear from the greatest goddamn game ever to grace any game system ever.

  36. Anonymous says:

    What a sad story. There’s only losers here: the bear, the kid, his father and the car. Luckily no one was hurt.

  37. ROSSINDETROIT says:

    The worst outcome of this might be explaining the new car. How many times would you want to tell The Bear Story?

  38. Anonymous says:

    The car couldn’t bear the attack.

  39. ackpht says:

    Does a bear poop in the woods? Not if there’s a Toyota handy…

  40. notjackobrien says:

    Who is driving? Bear is driving how can that be!?

  41. serfer0 says:

    It’s peanut butta jelly tiiiiime!!

  42. moniker42 says:

    So we see that the old adage does not always prove true, the bear does not always shit in the woods after all!

  43. Cynical says:

    I can only assume that the insurance company refused to pay out and the owners were left with no choice but to grin and bear it.

    …I’ll get my coat.

  44. nanuq says:

    There’s nothing sadder than when a bear goes bad and becomes a car thief. I blame the parents.

  45. pauldrye says:

    That second picture is all wrong. Obviously a pedo-bear would walk.

    • Xeni Jardin says:

      Not so, grasshopper. But Pedobear would probably go for the Molester Van, not so much a sedan. Either way, I’m not sure it was SANDWICHES he was after. IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.

  46. bcsizemo says:

    I’d probably poop my pants too if I punched the steering wheel and the air bag deployed….

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