Paula Deen takes 'ludes, makes foods


46 Responses to “Paula Deen takes 'ludes, makes foods”

  1. chgoliz says:

    We got it goin’ awwwwwwnnnnnn.

  2. Kentrip says:

    I still think that anyone that clicks on my above link would get an enormous laugh.

  3. Black_Vase says:

    “The consistency of mmmaaayyyooooonnnnaaaaaiiiissssssse…”

  4. Anonymous says:

    Tears, oh the tears.. and the pain.. the pain in my side… and the tears.

  5. Bulone says:

    Glazed donut burger? Damn that looks fatal.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Is it wrong if the first one turned me on?

  7. jeligula says:

    As an original happy mutant that melted down his Micronauts at age seven for the extraterrestrial metals, I gotta say that most of Xeni’s posts fly right over my social consciousness. Die Antwoord? Not in this lifetime, thanks. I prefer Bach and Black Flag. I didn’t dare click the links in this post because there is only so much tweakiness a happy mutant should be asked to deal with. As far as your posts are concerned, the circumcision song pretty much capped it all for me, Xeni. You should get a tattoo that says “Handle With Care.” In Kanji, of course.

  8. jeligula says:

    I just realized that a happy mutant should be able to handle anything. This, sadly, is not the case. After all, we are all only the sum of random cytoplasmic activity.

  9. knoxblox says:

    See? This Matrix-style bullet-time is exactly what Paula needed when she got hit in the face with that flying ham!

  10. PFlint says:

    What’s the opposite of “gastroporn”? (c.f. Nigella)

  11. Kentrip says:

    Oh my!! I think I just saw the best Paula video ever, and it is unedited! It is courtesy CNN and there wonderful Flip Cam coverage of Paula Deen gearing up for Saturdays episode of Eatocracy–Paula Deen on the food of love. Trust me this is already a classic in my book!

  12. hassenpfeffer says:

    Oh. Em. Gee. Xeni, I am literally LMFAO (yes, one buttcheek is already on the floor). I desperately needed this laugh. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

  13. angry young man says:

    Holy crap, I got stoned just watching this. It’s better than Dr. Gene Scott.

  14. Oskar says:

    Who is this “Paula Deen”, and why does she hate humanity?

    • hassenpfeffer says:

      Oskar, she’s one of the “stars” on the Food Network. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t slather that Krispy Kreme burger with “mah-nayse.”

  15. Anonymous says:

    Choppy cands zomg lol

  16. Anonymous says:

    You know, that Paula Deen recipe was uncharacteristically lacking in butter. Isn’t she required by her contract to use at least a full pound of it in each item she makes for her show?

  17. roboton says:

    I did not think it was possible to sum up in a single youtube video exactly what’s wrong with the United States, but I’ll be damned, it did.

    • xzzy says:

      No, the video is an example of everything that’s right with America.

      She’s aware that what she’s doing is disgusting and self-destructive, but does it anyways. The remix forces you to sit and reflect on every single artery-hardening frame. It says “I’m gonna die, but goddamn if I’m not gonna die with a smile.”

  18. Ferriswheeler says:

    Kinda reminds me of this one

  19. Anonymous says:

    Coming up next week: Chocolate milkshake on a Pizza!

  20. Beelzebuddy says:

    Eh, haters gonna hate.

    What Paula made in the top video is essentially a Luther Burger, albeit unfortunately without the cheese.

    Try it before ya knock it. The Luther burger is to bacon cheeseburgers what bacon cheeseburgers are to hamburgers. Ungodly delicious.

    I particularly like the voice filter in the second video. Paula Deen as a secret transvestite is totally something I could get behind.

  21. Brainspore says:

    I lived in Savannah for two years and never ate at her restaurant. Why? Because the line to get in the door wrapped halfway around the fucking block. Say what you will about the woman, she knows what people wanna eat.

  22. JohnnyOC says:

    The last video is my favorite.

    Consistency… of…. mayonnaise…. So beautifully spoken.

  23. Xeni Jardin says:


    • knoxblox says:

      Stop it!

      You’re giving me vacation flashbacks of my dad’s side of the family, and their version of my name…”Kelleh”.

  24. Jake Bullet says:

    The second video is fantastic and absolutely *killing* me! I just love bizarre stuff like this.

    It reminds me a lot of the “Lord of the Rings Voiceover” clip from a few years back. There’s just some about that video which sends me into a fit of laughter every time.

  25. thebelgianpanda says:

    i am at this very moment crying with laughter.

    holy feck. holy fecking feck

    i will now be sending this to everyone i know. thanks, boingboing!

  26. snarf says:

    The soundtrack on the second video is driving me nuts now! I KNOW it but I can’t recall from where? It’s from a movie… but what movie? Anyone know? It sounds like a giallo and I think it must be Ennio Morricone…

  27. Bitgod says:

    This feels like something that would be on Tim & Eric.

    • Cowicide says:

      Agreed, I also noticed some parts are pretty much the same formula and duplicate techniques. But, while not original, it’s still funny to me.

  28. Cowicide says:

    Someone has to be the concern troll and defend this woman against you ungrateful heathens, so it might as well be me gawdammit.

    Paula Deen has been through hell and back in order to bring you the most luscious recipes on Earth. There’s no reason to hate on this woman. She should be admired from going from a neurotic shut-in to a neurotic food television star.

    All that said, I have to agree with other commenters (here & on YouTube) that the first video makes me rock hard and ready to pounce on juicy burgers. Can you swallow meat and orgasm at the same time without dying? I’m ready to find out.

  29. snarf says:

    Thank you! Poltergeist it is! It just sounds so much like a giallo I was confused. I can rest now.

  30. Teller says:

    Blessings on your link-finger.

  31. Cowicide says:

    Thought you food lovers & eclair deep throaters would enjoy this voice adjust remix based from the Paula Deen Lucid Eclairs video above:

  32. Maggie Koerth-Baker says:

    Having eaten one of those amazing Krispy Kreme-bun burgers during my brief stint living in Birmingham, I can attest that it is a Right thing, not a Wrong one.

    They key is: Sometimes food.

    This is not shit you eat every time you go for burgers. But every once in a great while … Ohhhh myyyy godddddd.

  33. bwcbwc says:

    “Good for you?!? That thing is a heart attack on a bun! Err, Donuts. D’oh!”

    Visions of Squidward and Homer Simpson dancing through my head as I think “Yes you ARE crazy to do this.”

  34. jimjambandit says:

    “it’s not even bacon yet” PMSL

  35. Greg323 says:

    That’s just…wow.

    Ok, the first one was horrifying. Now I get the obesity epidemic in the US, fast food outlets notwithstanding.

    The second one was hiliarious. :) Very good.

    The third? Well, I’ve never dropped acid. And now I don’t need to…

  36. Antinous / Moderator says:

    That hamburger looked hoary with age.

  37. Robert says:

    Feels just like a fiyash!

  38. ethancoop says:

    Paula Dean kinda reminds me of my mom, & their cooking is almost identical so it’s hard for me to see you guys reveling in criticizing the woman. Leave my mom alone damn you!

  39. Anonymous says:

    Somewhere baby lambs are being slaughtered by Paula Dean’s soldiers whenever this plays.

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