Paula Deen takes 'ludes, makes foods

I realize this ultra-weird YouTube slowdown video is about a year old, but I've been laughing at it for three days, so I figured it's worth a post. Do stay with it through the end: like any great Paula Deen meal, the dessert is the real treat. Below, another couple of videos posted just yesterday by this same YouTube remixer. They are even more horrifying. The remixer, WolfGoreShow, has an entire channel of Paula Deen clips remixed with a special blend of hatred and Final Cut talent.

(thanks, Mikael Jorgensen)

Boing Boing editor/partner and tech culture journalist Xeni Jardin hosts and produces Boing Boing's in-flight TV channel on Virgin America airlines (#10 on the dial), and writes about living with breast cancer. Diagnosed in 2011. @xeni on Twitter. email: xeni@boingboing.net.

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chgoliz

We got it goin’ awwwwwwnnnnnn.
Kentrip

I still think that anyone that clicks on my above link would get an enormous laugh.
Black_Vase

“The consistency of mmmaaayyyooooonnnnaaaaaiiiissssssse…”
Anonymous

Tears, oh the tears.. and the pain.. the pain in my side… and the tears.
Bulone

Glazed donut burger? Damn that looks fatal.
Anonymous

Is it wrong if the first one turned me on?
jeligula

As an original happy mutant that melted down his Micronauts at age seven for the extraterrestrial metals, I gotta say that most of Xeni’s posts fly right over my social consciousness. Die Antwoord? Not in this lifetime, thanks. I prefer Bach and Black Flag. I didn’t dare click the links in this post because there is only so much tweakiness a happy mutant should be asked to deal with. As far as your posts are concerned, the circumcision song pretty much capped it all for me, Xeni. You should get a tattoo that says “Handle With Care.” In Kanji, of course.
jeligula

I just realized that a happy mutant should be able to handle anything. This, sadly, is not the case. After all, we are all only the sum of random cytoplasmic activity.
knoxblox

See? This Matrix-style bullet-time is exactly what Paula needed when she got hit in the face with that flying ham!
PFlint

What’s the opposite of “gastroporn”? (c.f. Nigella)
Kentrip

Oh my!! I think I just saw the best Paula video ever, and it is unedited! It is courtesy CNN and there wonderful Flip Cam coverage of Paula Deen gearing up for Saturdays episode of Eatocracy–Paula Deen on the food of love. Trust me this is already a classic in my book!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGBNhNJjlbU
hassenpfeffer

Oh. Em. Gee. Xeni, I am literally LMFAO (yes, one buttcheek is already on the floor). I desperately needed this laugh. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
angry young man

Holy crap, I got stoned just watching this. It’s better than Dr. Gene Scott.
- ioksotot
  
  Call in now…or were just gonna watch my thoroughbreds…Dr.Scott made college fun
Oskar

Who is this “Paula Deen”, and why does she hate humanity?
- hassenpfeffer
  
  Oskar, she’s one of the “stars” on the Food Network. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t slather that Krispy Kreme burger with “mah-nayse.”
Anonymous

Choppy cands zomg lol
Anonymous

You know, that Paula Deen recipe was uncharacteristically lacking in butter. Isn’t she required by her contract to use at least a full pound of it in each item she makes for her show?
roboton

I did not think it was possible to sum up in a single youtube video exactly what’s wrong with the United States, but I’ll be damned, it did.
- xzzy
  
  No, the video is an example of everything that’s right with America.
  
  She’s aware that what she’s doing is disgusting and self-destructive, but does it anyways. The remix forces you to sit and reflect on every single artery-hardening frame. It says “I’m gonna die, but goddamn if I’m not gonna die with a smile.”
Ferriswheeler

Kinda reminds me of this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fL_n3F8JYQ
Anonymous

Coming up next week: Chocolate milkshake on a Pizza!
Beelzebuddy

Eh, haters gonna hate.

What Paula made in the top video is essentially a Luther Burger, albeit unfortunately without the cheese.

Try it before ya knock it. The Luther burger is to bacon cheeseburgers what bacon cheeseburgers are to hamburgers. Ungodly delicious.

I particularly like the voice filter in the second video. Paula Deen as a secret transvestite is totally something I could get behind.
Brainspore

I lived in Savannah for two years and never ate at her restaurant. Why? Because the line to get in the door wrapped halfway around the fucking block. Say what you will about the woman, she knows what people wanna eat.
JohnnyOC

The last video is my favorite.

Consistency… of…. mayonnaise…. So beautifully spoken.
Xeni Jardin

oahwl.
- knoxblox
  
  Stop it!
  
  You’re giving me vacation flashbacks of my dad’s side of the family, and their version of my name…”Kelleh”.
Jake Bullet

The second video is fantastic and absolutely *killing* me! I just love bizarre stuff like this.

It reminds me a lot of the “Lord of the Rings Voiceover” clip from a few years back. There’s just some about that video which sends me into a fit of laughter every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QAlt4Sfl7Q
thebelgianpanda

i am at this very moment crying with laughter.

holy feck. holy fecking feck

i will now be sending this to everyone i know. thanks, boingboing!
snarf

The soundtrack on the second video is driving me nuts now! I KNOW it but I can’t recall from where? It’s from a movie… but what movie? Anyone know? It sounds like a giallo and I think it must be Ennio Morricone…
- Anonymous
  
  It’s from Poltergeist.
Bitgod

This feels like something that would be on Tim & Eric.
- Cowicide
  
  Agreed, I also noticed some parts are pretty much the same formula and duplicate techniques. But, while not original, it’s still funny to me.
Cowicide

Someone has to be the concern troll and defend this woman against you ungrateful heathens, so it might as well be me gawdammit.

Paula Deen has been through hell and back in order to bring you the most luscious recipes on Earth. There’s no reason to hate on this woman. She should be admired from going from a neurotic shut-in to a neurotic food television star.

All that said, I have to agree with other commenters (here & on YouTube) that the first video makes me rock hard and ready to pounce on juicy burgers. Can you swallow meat and orgasm at the same time without dying? I’m ready to find out.
snarf

Thank you! Poltergeist it is! It just sounds so much like a giallo I was confused. I can rest now.
Teller

Blessings on your link-finger.
Cowicide

Thought you food lovers & eclair deep throaters would enjoy this voice adjust remix based from the Paula Deen Lucid Eclairs video above:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjpguorkjLs
Maggie Koerth-Baker

Having eaten one of those amazing Krispy Kreme-bun burgers during my brief stint living in Birmingham, I can attest that it is a Right thing, not a Wrong one.

They key is: Sometimes food.

This is not shit you eat every time you go for burgers. But every once in a great while … Ohhhh myyyy godddddd.
bwcbwc

“Good for you?!? That thing is a heart attack on a bun! Err, Donuts. D’oh!”

Visions of Squidward and Homer Simpson dancing through my head as I think “Yes you ARE crazy to do this.”
jimjambandit

“it’s not even bacon yet” PMSL
Greg323

That’s just…wow.

Ok, the first one was horrifying. Now I get the obesity epidemic in the US, fast food outlets notwithstanding.

The second one was hiliarious. :) Very good.

The third? Well, I’ve never dropped acid. And now I don’t need to…
Antinous / Moderator

That hamburger looked hoary with age.
Robert

Feels just like a fiyash!
ethancoop

Paula Dean kinda reminds me of my mom, & their cooking is almost identical so it’s hard for me to see you guys reveling in criticizing the woman. Leave my mom alone damn you!
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  You still on the waiting list for the gastric stapling and pancreas transplant?
Anonymous

Somewhere baby lambs are being slaughtered by Paula Dean’s soldiers whenever this plays.