Jokes from the G+hole


Illustration: Dave Jarvis (cc) via Wikipedia

I started an open "jokes" thread on Google+ today, and a lot of people contributed some very funny jokes I hadn't heard before. I thought I'd share some of them here on Boing Boing. I might post more later.

• An AT&T cell tower walks into a bar and says, "I wo...enj...blac...nin...ou.........."—Shane Sargent

• How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A fish.—Craig Glassner

• How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware problem.—Dr. Elementary

• Hear the one about the programmer that got stuck in the shower? The directions on the shampoo said "Lather, Rinse, Repeat"—Tony Gonzales

• How did the hipster burn his mouth? He started eating the pizza long before it was cool. —Mark McCorkell

• Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. When the state trooper asks "Do you have ANY idea how fast you were going?", Heisenberg just smiles and says, "No, but I know where I was!"—Laconia Laconia

• Q. How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Does it have to be a light bulb?—Joe McMahon

• Q: What do you get when you cross your grandmother with an octopus? A: A whoooooole lot of cookies.—Jeff Deason

• What does it mean when the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? The floor is level. —Karl Hakkarainen

• Q: How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb? A: But the light bulb is the best part!—Brian Doom

• Two cannibals are having dinner, and one of them says to the other, "Man, I really don't like my mother-in-law." The other sighs and says, "Well then just eat the noodles."—Katie Mussman

• Rene Descartes walks into a bar - a sleazy woman walks up to him and says "Hey handsome, buy me a drink?" He sneers at her and says, "Madam I think not" and disappears.—Genevieve Perdue

• How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to turn the bulb and one to hold the penis--I mean ladder!—James Cash

• A woman walks in a bar in Montana, middle of nowhere. She sits down next to an old weather beaten man in a ten gallon hat, spurs, the whole nine yards. She says "Are you a real cowboy?" He pauses, tips back his hat, looks at her and says "Yep, I reckon I am". She replies "I'm a lesbian. All day long I do nothing but think about women, from the moment I get up in the morning to the moment I fall asleep at night." She finishes her drink and leaves. A few minutes later a husband and wife, obviously tourists, walk in and sit down next to the cowboy. The husband says "Are you a real cowboy?" He pauses, takes a sip of whiskey and replies, "Well I always thought I was but it turns out all this time I've been a lesbian."—breck witte

• Q: How many hipsters does it take to pay the electric bill? A: Mom —Spyro Poulos

• How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just redefine darkness to be the industry standard.—Andrew Bulhak

• How do you tell an extroverted physicist from an introverted physicist? An extroverted physicist looks at your shoes.—Kate Greene

• My favorite joke is about Jonestown but I had to quit telling it because the punchline was too long.—Jeremy Sullivan

• Q: How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? A: To get to the other side!—Ian Ledbetter

• Did you hear about the man who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's 0K.—Michael Dyrud

• Why aren't math jokes funny in Octal? Because 7 10 11—Ranjan Bagchi

• "Hey, know any good jokes about sodium?" "Na." —Rodrigo Jimenez

• Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting coefficient of Friction!
Interrupting coeffici.....
Sandra Karasiewicz

• Hi... I am afraid I am unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment but if you leave me a message, The News of the World will email it to me later—Dave Saunders

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