HOWTO eat a watermelon

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108 Responses to “HOWTO eat a watermelon”

  1. pushmonk says:

    I HATE the Fork Cartel.

  2. Funk Daddy says:

    Tired of plain ol watermelon at teh end of summer? Get yourself  salt shaker with finely ground sea salts and shake a lil on yor melon as you go.

    It’s good.

  3. bcsizemo says:

    Marshmellow?
    Peanut Butter?

    Might as well go ahead and ruin it with a little salt.

  4. Teresa Nielsen Hayden says:

    Is there a wrong way to eat watermelon? I say no, same as there’s no wrong way to eat roasting ears. 

  5. This is an excellent lesson for people who do not know what a spoon is.  He even shows a spoon and says “this is a spoon.”  I don’t know what happened after that.  I went away.  One can only learn so much in a day.

  6. ashypete says:

    My goodness that is awesome. Glad he stated that he preferred the seeded varieties, I’ve always been convinced that they are somehow intrinsically better if you have to spit out a pile of seeds.  I wonder if he has a secret about picking the best watermelons…  

    • DewiMorgan says:

      “if you have to spit out…” WHAT??? You EAT the seeds. EAT them! Crunchy seeds popping between your teeth is what the watermelon is all about!

      But yes, awesome video. And somehow, I knew, once I saw the marshmallow, that peanutbutter would be next. These are the cornerstones of truly American cuisine. Sure, you can say bacon and cheese, you can say corn and corn by-products, but every country uses those.

      America is about the only country which has made peanutbutter and marshmallow into core culinary elements.

      And I love the food here!

    • Vaughn Marlowe says:

       A faded or yellow stripe along one side — it’s fully vine-ripened.

  7. Scott Rubin says:

    Only heathens put salt on watermelon. Now I can show this video to my heathen friend and go HAHA!

  8. I’m amazed nobody’s mentioned this perfect bit of Americana from Petey Greene:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w7YPlGRX5w 

    • Jonathan Roberts says:

      Lord have mercy.

    • DewiMorgan says:

       Now this man, he knows how to eat watermelon. In fact, I’d take it further – he’s eating it in half-length eighths. But if I’m not holding a wedge of watermelon twice as wide as my head, and burying my face in it, I don’t feel like I’m enjoying the watermelon fully.

      Now that I have a beard, this is messier than it was when I was a child, but as he shows, that’s what we have towels and cloths and napkins for.

    • Derek Prowse says:

       I see he studied under the Italian School – he started in the northwest Quadrant.  NWers have fallen out of favor after the incident in Sneeds. 

  9. beohbe says:

    Glad I’m not the only one spending Friday evening watching a man consume a watermelon.

  10. bo1n6bo1n6 says:

    Watermelon is no place for peanut butter or marshmallows.

  11. hellishmundane says:

    one serving of watermelon, one box of Popeye’s fried chicken,  apply Cajun sparkle generously to both. wash down with malt liquor.   if possible lighter fluid and fireworks when needed.

  12. UberMitch says:

    If I wanted to see a man eat a watermelon, I would have taken the watermelon-eating class!

  13. unclemike says:

    The right way to eat watermelon is with your face buried in a thick slice and so much juice running down your neck you have to jump into the pool/lake/ocean to clean up.

  14. Itsumishi says:

    That was both educational and entertaining. 

  15. Jasonbe says:

    Juice it!  Rind and all, with a wee bit of ginger…

  16. arcduke says:

    Guessing this guy will have a TED talk and a book deal soon enough.

    Where I come from we put a little chaat masala on the watermelon to spice it up. Cue taste explosion in my mouth hole.

  17. Sean Blomgren says:

     Watermelon Tip: Put a Mexican hot sauce on it, like Valentina or Tapatio. Everyone I’ve told has recoiled in disgust, but it’s seriously the best way.

  18. Great, except he cut it in half the wrong direction to begin. You cut across the stripes, not with the stripes.

    • ocker3 says:

      With the stripes gives you more initial surface area, especially as he’s defining half a watermelon as one serving and hasn’t used a spherical but oblong watermelon.

      Cutting across the stripes is usually easier, especially if you’re planning to cut it into sections and share the watermelon with many people, but not if you want a huge area to demonstrate on for a hilarious video

  19. GuyInMilwaukee says:

    If the flying spaghetti monster had intended watermelon to be eaten with silverware she would have created it precut to cubes and balls. You slice into sections, shove in your gob and spit seeds to your hearts content. It’s a wonderful thing.

    • yadayada says:

       Exactly. My first thought when I saw it was a seedless was ‘Fucking heretic!’

    • social_maladroit says:

      He couldn’t, though, without messing up that nice, clean shirt he’s wearing. It’s perfectly understandable. One wants to look good in one’s YouTube videos.

  20. wormhog says:

    My dad was firmly in the “one half = one serving” watermelon camp. Only he claimed the only part that was actually edible was a softball shaped piece dead center. The rest was inferior trash.

  21. silkox says:

    My favorite method: throw the thing at the ground with just enough force to break it into big pieces. Eat the pieces using your fingers.

    • When I was 13 I bought a replica set of samurai swords.  Best watermelon cutting experience ever.  It makes the watermelon taste like victory.

      • GeorgeMokray says:

        There’s actually a Japanese game that uses swords, blindfolds, and melons (suika).  You blindfold the person with the sword and have them whack at the melon until they cut it open.  Then everybody eats.

  22. DeadL says:

    so…for 9 minutes of my Friday night I watched a guy eat a watermelon.

  23. This video is precisely why the internet is so friggin good.

  24. 42isall says:

    No, you’re all doing it wrong.  
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yVJ74gNgcs

  25. GeorgeMokray says:

    Today I bought a small watermelon, some limes, and dill.  I will cut up some of the melon, put lime juice and chopped dill on it.  These tastes compliment and complement each other very well.

    PS:  Petey Greene can’t be beat.

  26. Watermelon heretic!  The best watermelon for adults,remove plug,fill , add a2 liters of  good rum,light or dark,replug chill 10 hours. Spoon and drinking straws.

  27. Verre says:

    The best way to eat watermelon is in the form of heretical gazpacho. Onward, savories! Down with sweets!

  28. BunnyShank says:

    Cardinal directions on a watermelon, 1 and 15/16ths hole, marshmallows, crunchy peanut butter, hiding evidence: this dude is stoned.

  29. circuitbent says:

    Glad Tom Willett is with me in the Seeded vs. Seedless war. Personally, I don’t see the the point of watermellon unless I’m outside on a hot evening spitting seeds.

  30. IndexMe says:

    Intrigued. By the peanut butter and chocolate milk references.
    I kept thinking is the secret ingredient milk? Someone said no. But strawberries and milk go together well (like in Japanese kakigori shaved ice, or strawberry milk). Is watermelon really not a milk partner?
    I would like to see the graduate class where I can finally learn how to eat the seeded variety.
    Thanks for dill and lime tip!

  31. PeterCantropus says:

    This is LAME…. I really don’t know why people get all excited about puting crap into a watermellon. Watermellons are for summer; summer is hot, watermellons are refreshing and juicy…. marshmallows and peanut butter are the complete opposite!

    And it’s lame anyways, since he basically is just eating marshmallows with a little bit of watermellon juice on them…. What’s so friggi’n special about that? Technique? Seriously?

  32. schlocktober says:

    This video is the most abstract suicide note ever.

  33. Matt Early says:

    This is bull… Show me how to eat a watermelon with the seeds… Seedless?  That aint no watermelon, but a ball of watermelon pleasure without the pain… Onanism at its highest… You dirty old man!

  34. Chris Porter says:

    This clip was even better than Jonathan Winters in its seriousness. 

  35. ocker3 says:

    Am I seriously alone in now having a Huge jones to eat some watermelon?? Curse the fact that it’s almost 10pm and the supermarkets are closed (and that watermelon is out of season).

  36. ab167 says:

    This is like the “Look Around You” of American public access-style videos. HOW SO DEADPAN?

  37. Spam says:

    I like using a fork with a kitchen knife to cut out large chunks for a bowl and cut the chunk into little pieces as I eat it.  Lastly, hold the bowl to my lips and slurp the juice.
    I saw a recipe that swears that feta cheese is the best thing for watermelon.  I prefer a little salt myself.Marshallow? Yuk. This video is disappointing because the watermelon is seedless and I wanted to watch to improve my seed spitting technique. Practice that only if you have a porch.
    Poseidon used his trident to eat watermelon, you know.

  38. ahecht says:

    Anyone else reminded of “Leonard Reviews” from Community?

  39. Art says:

    Up next:  How to eat a ham sandwich (tutorial video)

    • Wreckrob8 says:

      With a knife and fork. Cut the crusts off and discard. Cut the remaining sandwich into small squares. Balance sandwich chunks on top of fork using the knife to push them into place and place in mouth. Never use a fork to spear or shovel food. Place knife and fork together at an angle on your plate when finished.
      It’s how they are eaten in England. Honest.
      What’s peanut butter?

  40. citizen says:

    It pains me to see this senseless animosity between proponents and detractors of salt on watermelon. The whole debate is based on a tragic misunderstanding: The correct savoury powder to  enhance your watermelon experience is not regular salt (NaCl), but sal ammoniac or salmiak salt (NH4Cl).

    I’m sure that both camps, given a chance to experience this magical condiment, would join hands and amicably dance in the streets, singing the praise of ammonium chloride.

  41. Alex says:

    Still prefer the Petey Greene way.

  42. Just like in the video, except substitute frozen vodka for the marshmallows, and soft-scrambled eggs (i.e. French-style omelet) for the ice cream. Add Italian crushed red peppers to taste. Mmmmm.

    The only thing missing is prosciutto.

  43. Wayne Dyer says:

    I’d give up a left [insert appendage or dangly bit here] to be able to eat watermelon.  Gives me horrible throat and ear itchiness.  Throw in NSAIDs and I’d be a happy man.

  44. wigwam says:

    I hope retirement is still around when I get to be his age. And that I’ll have a wealth of ideas to share where fruit eating techniques are concerned.

  45. vonbobo says:

    I’m kind of like this with my pancakes.

    Making watermelon and kale juice tonight, BTW.

  46. Qat says:

    Damn. Am I the only one who spend 9 minutes expecting that this watermelon experience would suddenly turn into something extraordinary ?

    I don’t know, like errr, like juice + marshmallow = non-newtonian fluid, or potent explosive, or acid reaction that eats through all the pulp and then solidifies into a tasty phosphorescent jelly, or instant rhum, or a portrait of Lincoln eating a pie…

    Sight… am I the only one ? Did Internet spoil me to the point I’m not capable of enjoying this ‘per se’  anymore ?

    Sad.

  47. Here’s my grandson using his lego Dremel to get at the edges of his watermelon.  I think
    he will be teaching a Watermelon Tech class soon.

  48. Antinous / Moderator says:

    I don’t like watermelon.  Or pandas.

  49. Sparg says:

    Our Order of the Arrow lodge used to have an annual summer watermelon sacrifice.  Swords and watermelon fun!

  50. Yamaplos . says:

    the right kind of spoon for watermelon eating is a WW2 US Army, like the one my dad brought home – my watermelon spoon for many years, in several countries.

  51. My Pa would sit on the floor in the lounge and crack open a watermelon, my siblings and I would circle around armed with teaspoons and we’d stab at it like it was a delicious exposed brain.

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