Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to squirt coffee up your asshole using this $135 glass jar

Goop is Gwyneth Paltrow's life-threatening, wallet-flensing empire of woo, home to smoothie dust, vulva steaming, rocks you keep in your vagina, and a raft of rebadged products that are literally identical to the garbage Alex Jones sells to low-information preppers.

Both Goop and Alex Jones are big on "detoxing," an imaginary remedy that poses a very real health-risk, especially when it involves filling your asshole with coffee.

Coffee enemas are, of course, bullshit, whose history and present are rife with hucksters whose smooth patter is only matched by their depraved indifference for human life.

But as stupid as coffee enemas are, they're even stupider when accomplished by means of Goop's, $135 "Implant O'Rama," manufactured by Implant O’Rama LLC. It's a $135 glass jar with a couple silicon hoses attached to it.

If you don't want to fill your rectum with coffee, Gwyneth also recommends "detoxing" by drinking out of a $350 rose gold crazy straw, applying $85 "wellness oil," drinking from a $84 water bottle with a positive energy crystal jutting proudly from its base, or carrying a $85 shaman bag of "magically charged stones" (at least you carry these in the shaman bag, instead of your birth canal).

Yes, Goop suggests that a coffee enema is a “clutch” way to “supercharge” your “annual goop detox” and start the year in tip-top health. In its latest guide for “deep detoxification,” the Goop team recommends a device called an “Implant O’Rama” for squirting coffee up your keister at home. The product, sold by Implant O’Rama LLC for a bargain $135, is merely a glass bottle with silicone tubing attached.

In “triumph of ignorance,” Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop touts $135 coffee enema [Beth Mole/Ars Technica]

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