In cringe-worthy appearance, Ted Cruz ordered to kiss Tucker Carlson's ring

In the days leading up to the first anniversary of the January 6 domestic terrorist attack on the US Capitol, Sen. Ted "Cancun" Cruz (R-TX) acknowledged the tragedy by saying, "We are approaching a solemn anniversary this week, and it is an anniversary of a violent terrorist attack on the Capitol. We saw the men and women of law enforcement demonstrate incredible courage, incredible bravery, risked their lives to defend the men and women who serve in this Capitol."

Of course, what Cruz said was completely counter to Tucker Carlson's false narrative that the riots were not an attempt to overthrow the democratic presidential election. Carlson called Cruz to his studio made him crawl across the floor, genuflect, kowtow, and kiss Carlson's ring and beg for forgiveness for daring to toss a pebble at Fox News's 30-foot wall of propaganda.

To help his octogenarian fanbase understand the gravity of Cruz's heresy, Carlson started the segment with more scowling and squeaking than usual:

Of all the things that January 6 was it was definitely not a violent terrorist attack. It wasn't an insurrection. Was it a riot? Sure. It was not a violent terrorist attack. Sorry. So why are you telling us that it was, Ted Cruz? And why are none of your Republican friends who are supposed to be representing us and all the people have been arrested during this purge saying anything? What the hell's going on here?

Next Cruz appeared, like a nervous boy called into the principal's office, on a split-screen with Carlson. The cringe-worthy conversation went as follows:

Carlson: "You call this a terror attack when by no definition was it a terror attack. That's a lie. You told that lie on purpose. And I'm wondering why you did?"

Cruz: Well, Tucker, thank you for having me on. When you aired your episode last night. I sent you a text shortly thereafter and said 'Listen, I'd like to go on because the way I phrased things yesterday, it was sloppy, and it was frankly dumb–

Carlson [interrupting]: I don't buy that! Woah woah woah! I've known you a long time since before you went to the Senate, you were a Supreme Court contender. You take words as seriously as any man who's ever served in the Senate. And every word — you repeated that phrase — I do not believe that you use that accidentally. I just don't.

Cruz: "So Tucker, as a result of my sloppy phrasing. It's caused a lot of people to misunderstand what I meant."

Let's hope Sloppy Ted has learned his lesson!