Dog-killer Noem tries a new excuse: I was protecting my children

In her upcoming book No Going Back, South Dakota Governor and conservative Christian adulteress Kristi Noem describes how she killed her 14-month-old wirehaired pointer dog named Cricket. "I hated that dog," she wrote, explaining that she led the young dog to a gravel pit to slay it, along with a "nasty and mean" goat with an unpleasant odor.

Noem no doubt shared this hideous act with the public because she wanted to prove to Trump that she was the kind of gal he would need by he side to carry out the "difficult, messy and ugly" work of ending democracy in the United States to ensure he'd be dictator for life.

But after word of the killing got out, Noem discovered to her dismay that not as many republicans share her views as she'd hoped. Even MAGA folk took to social media to criticize her. And Noem's calculated attempts to double-down on her decision to kill the dog on Twitter were met with thousands of enraged comments.

So last night Noem's damage control team came up with a new tactic: she did it to protect her kids.

"Don't believe the #fakenews media's twisted spin," she posted. "I had a choice between the safety of my children and an animal who had a history of attacking people & killing livestock. I chose my kids."

Naturally, people aren't buying it. The comments to her tweet are much like the comments in every other one of her tweets over the past week — overwhelmingly negative and critical . Many commenters accuse her of lying about the dog being a threat to her children's safety, pointing out that this justification contradicts her initial account in her book of simply hating and wanting to kill the dog.


  • "Beyond being a LIE, this is the most pathetic excuse for murdering a dog there ever was. And YOU are the most pathetic excuse for a decent human there ever was. #NeverForgetDogKiller."
  • "Did you look it in the eyes when you 💥 his little head off? You sicken me. With your access as governor, a vet would have come to your home to humanely euthanize him!"
  • "You killed a puppy and a goat and now we find out, several horses. The first step is to admit you have a problem. Take it."
  • "We read your own words. Your judgment is terrible."
  • "The stench of desperation is thick here."

Governor Noem's laughable attempt to rebrand herself as a heroic mom protecting her kids from a vicious pupper is going over like Trump's hairdo in a tornado — leaving her bald-faced lies and callous cruelty even more glaringly exposed than before.