With the doomsday clock ticking forward, you might as well keep your family extra safe on the next vacation by staying in an underground missile silo.

A Kansas couple is offering the former Atlas E missile site known as Subterra Castle to guests on Airbnb. The steel fortress includes such amenities as a missile bay, a "47 ton drive-in door," and of course, complimentary wifi. The bunker's decor is described as "bohemian eclectic."

For only $140 a night, enjoy the added protection of surviving the imminent nuclear crisis. There is no additional information on rates when fallout levels spike.

Via Airbnb:

As has been mentioned in the House Rules, this is an underground structure built by the Government for use by the Military. There are industrial components, remnants of its former use, which could pose a danger. Please be observant and careful in these unique surroundings. Children should be supervised at all times.

Images: Airbnb

With Christmas quickly approaching, the imaginary war on everyone's favorite imaginary holiday always helps me get in the spirit.

The latest Christmas offense is from Starbucks' recent marketing campaign and "suggestive" coffee cup promoting the LGBTQ community.

A commercial unveiling the cups briefly shows two women drinking coffee and placing their hands together while across a table in what is an "obvious" attack on our nation's faltering morals. The mind-numbing outrage is only being furthered since Starbucks decided to place a pair of unknown hands gripped together that many are debating belong to a same-sex couple.

This so called "gay agenda" that Starbucks is said to be pouring down our coffee-addicted throats has given rise to another series of boycotts for the coffee giant, according to the New York Daily News.

Via the New York Daily News:

Starbucks hasn't resolved the issue of whether the hands are same-sex or not.

The theme of the cups is "Give Good." Customers are invited to color in the drawings of hearts, presents and a Christmas tree — and those hands.

"Each year during the holidays we aim to bring our customers an experience that inspires the spirit of the season," the coffee chain said in a statement. "And we will continue to embrace and welcome customers from all backgrounds and religions in our stores around the world."

Russian scientists revealed a 20,000 to 50,000-year-old cave lion cub Thursday capable of being cloned and brought back from the depths of extinction. The cave cub was found on the bank of the Tirekhtykh River by a local resident, according to The Siberian Times. Researchers believe the cub died when it was around 2 months old.

One of the researchers told the Siberian paper its "perfect" condition makes it a potential candidate for cloning.

Video (below) shows researchers taking the stiff furball out of a sinister-looking briefcase and presenting it to the press. There's something both adorable and macabre when seeing the environmentally preserved cub in a state of eternal slumber. Russia should probably leave this little guy or girl alone and let its subspecies rest.

Via The Siberian Times:

Expert Dr Albert Protopopov said: 'It is a perfectly preserved lion cub, all the limbs have survived. There are no traces of external injuries on the skin.'

The preservation is so good that it raises hopes of cloning the species back to life, he said.

The discovery is seen as better preserved than two tiny cave lion cubs found in the same Siberian region in 2015.

Denying the Earth is round is still socially acceptable and is even capable of rounding up large groups of mentally defective "humans" to share their unnerving beliefs.

I know many of you are thinking I just described any religious gathering ever, but the Flat Earth International Conference (FEIC) in Cary, North Carolina was sold out from Nov. 9-10, according to WRAL. Conference prices at the local Embassy Suites ranged from $27 to a $249 VIP package.

The FEIC boasts the idea government space agencies have been lying to us with "misleading materials."

Guest speakers and exhibitions were apparently available to suggest that for thousands of years a collaborative hoax is being pursued by those who somehow benefit from lying to the world population about the Earth's true shape.

The FEIC (no connection to the Flat Earth Society) says the stationary earth is a flat disk with Antarctica as a barrier to prevent people from falling off — a much more reasonable explanation than those other crazy flat earthers.

No one who spends $249 to argue the Earth is flat should ever be considered very important, so here's some "misleading" pictures of our round Earth from different international space programs.

United States: NASA

Russia: RFSA

European: ESA

China: CNSA

Bonus – NASA Live ISS feed of Earth from space:

A condo association in Florida doesn't find the connection between Ryan Boylan and his support squirrel Brutis to be an adorable companionship fit for a Pixar film, but rather a concern that goes against management policy.

WFLA reports Island Walk Condominiums' association in Clearwater Beach issued a notice to Boylan last month he would have to get rid of Brutis or face eviction under the condos' no exotic animal policy.

A doctor's note from July says Boylan has PTSD from a car crash and the squirrel he found last year "helps alleviate [his] challenges."

The matter has turned into a series of legal differences involving time frames based on when Brutis was discovered by the association and when Boylan notified the board of his support animal. If Boylan's accusation of discrimination doesn't work out, acceptable places where he could live with his pet squirrel are: a tree; a jar of almonds; college campuses; and of course, those restaurants that contain large barrels of shelled peanuts for customers waiting to be seated.

Via WFLA:

In the complaint, attorneys state Boylan never submitted paperwork that Brutis was an emotional support animal until this past summer.

His doctor's note was written in July.

Attorneys also state Boylan is residing in the unit as a tenant without having applied for and/or obtained approval from the association.

Boylan contacted the Office of Human Rights, claiming discrimination and they sent a letter to the association on his behalf, stating the Fair Housing Act, protecting emotional support animals.

A sleeping baby in a blue sweatsuit sculpted by Duane Hanson is concerning New Yorkers while it's being displayed in an auction house's storefront window.

Passersby believe the work "Baby in a Carriage, 1983" is a real baby being left unattended, according to Reuters. Heritage Auctions tells Reuters people stop for a moment and question if it's real all day long. Some even enter the building and notify the staff.

What they don't realize is that they can actually bid on it it until Nov. 30. The estimated price of the polyvinyl baby ranges from $80,000 to $120,000.

Hanson, who died in 1996, was known for sculpting hyperrealistic people engaged in everyday life. This particular piece is said be sculpted after his son.

The price seems a little steep for a synthetic baby, but considering the costs of hospital bills and raising a child till adulthood, it may be the safer financial investment.

Here's a way to avoid a police investigation: fart till the officer becomes so disgusted with you that he or she has to walk away from the interrogation. It worked temporarily for a 24-year-old Kansas City man when he relieved himself of gas to the point that the detective investigating the drug and stolen gun accusations was forced to end the interview, according to The Kansas City Star.

The detective wrote in a report that Sean A. Sykes Jr. leaned on his chair and released a "loud fart" when questioned about his address. The gas continued to be released.

Sykes was pulled over by police almost a month later and officially charged. However, none of the charges stem from bioterrorism.

Via The Kansas City Star:

Sean A. Sykes Jr., is charged in U.S. District Court possession with intent to sell cocaine and being a felon in possession of three firearms, two of which were reported stolen.

In his report about the interview, the detective wrote that when asked about his address, "Mr. Sykes leaned to one side of his chair and released a loud fart before answering with the address."

"Mr. Sykes continued to be flatulent and I ended the interview," the detective wrote.

Charges were not filed at that time.

Muhammad Sameer Khan is truly a marvel, mostly due to the fact that he can adjust his head to look behind his back — no exorcism needed.

The 14-year-old from Karachi, Pakistan ditched his textbooks to pursue a dance career utilizing the unsettling skill, according to the Daily Pakistan. A Youtube video shows Sameer, known as the "Human Owl," using his hands to easily twist his head 180 degrees, all while mall-goers stroll by.

There's a few other multi-jointed tricks in the video and original article that should also not be attempted without medical supervision.

Sure children are terrible restaurant patrons, but do they really deserve to be charged extra on their dining tabs?

The Wayne Hills Diner and Restaurant in New Jersey seems to think so, and it's done giving raucous scoundrels the chance to freely practice their fine-dining etiquette, according to CBS.

A local mother is saying her 11-year-old daughter was unknowingly double tipping until she finally discovered the gratuity charge from ordering a milkshake. The charge was not given to the mother when she dined there the same day, the daughter told CBS.

Bills from the restaurant also say "gratuities are appreciated."

The owner and staff declined to comment to CBS, but the restaurant's lawyer told the station the restaurant reserves the to right to charge 18 percent gratuity — especially when groups of 20-30 kids show up for a couple of hours and don't leave a tip.

Via CBS New York:

[The lawyer] says it's not fair to the waiters and waitresses who earn a living based on tips, adding the menu clearly states "management reserves the right to add 18 percent gratuity."

Melissa Desch wonders whatever happened to tipping being optional. She says she'd like to see a consistent policy.
"Make it for everybody," she said. "Adults, children, everything."

Image: pxhere

So-called "fans" of Van Gogh must not have been too observant of his work, since no one ever seemed to notice that he left a dead grasshopper caked in paint in "Olive Trees."

Pieces of the small insect, including its thorax and and abdomen, were preserved peacefully in the painting for 128 years, according to the Kansas City Star. A conservator stumbled across the infested find under magnification during research on French paintings at the Nelson-Atkins Museum.

"Van Gogh worked outside in the elements," Julián Zugazagoitia, director of the museum said in a statement to the Kansas City Star, "and we know that he … dealt with wind and dust, grass and trees, and flies and grasshoppers."

Via Kansas City Star:

But paleo-entomologist Michael Engel of the University of Kansas reported there was no sign of movement in the surrounding paint, indicating the grasshopper was dead when it fell onto the canvas.
The Nelson left the painting intact without removing the insect. Casual visitors looking at "Olive Trees" in the museum's Bloch Galleries will not notice the grasshopper.

Image: Vincent Van Gogh

The viral success of Max Lanman's commercial to sell his fiancée's 1996 Honda Accord forced eBay to shut down bidding for the car after offers reached $150,000.

It was quite a surprise for the writer/director from Los Angeles, considering the car was initially posted with a selling price of $499.

An advertisement filled with a series of sleek camera shots and a storyline establishing a lifelong relationship between the car and driver has the ability to attract consumers to pay more for things worth far less. Lanman says eBay's fraud department couldn't understand how a 1996 Honda could fetch such a price and canceled the auction, according to NBC. Ebay told the couple to restart the auction.

As of around Wednesday afternoon, the top bid has reached $5,100 since making its second appearance two days ago.

Watch as aerial views of a car with 141,095 miles hitting turns along scenic routes can transform an old Japanese piece of machinery into a luxury automobile.

Via NBC Bay Area:

Far from disappointed, though, the couple continues to marvel at how "surprising and overwhelmingly positive" their experience has been. "This was definitely an unexpected turn," Lanman acknowledged, "but we have faith that everything will work itself out. Overall, we're just so grateful for all that has happened with the commercial and the story. It's been truly amazing."

The crushing realization of finding out a McDonald's ice cream machine is out of service is an actual thing, and the recent addition of Ice Check on the Apple App Store hopes to save countless sociopaths from being forced to scream at unsuspecting drive-through attendants.

Ice Check allows users to check the status of ice cream machines at local McDonald's to find out in real time if they're operational based on a community sharing system, according to Time.

Now if you're insane enough to download an app instead of risking the possibility of having to drive to a different McDonald's most likely located a few miles away, be warned that early reviews on the App Store claim the app doesn't have all of the nearest locations available.

"Sorry, we don't have all the locations yet but we're working on it and the next update will be bigger and better," a developer response from the app store reads.

Image: Steven Depolo

The United States is en route to be the only country in the world to ignore the benefits of the Paris Climate accord, should the Trump administration's plan to withdraw from the the deal go into effect.

Even while in the midst of a bloody civil war, Syria announced at an international climate summit in Bonn, Germany on Tuesday that it was ready to join the global agreement to limit carbon emissions, according to the Washington Post.

"As if it wasn't already crystal clear, every single other country in the world is moving forward together to tackle the climate crisis, while Donald Trump has isolated the United States on the world stage in an embarrassing and dangerous position," Michael Brune, executive director of the Sierra Club, said in a statement published by the Washington Post.

President Trump pulled out of the 2015 accord in June claiming it was unfair to American workers, although the withdrawal can't be completed until the end of Trump's term due to the deal's framework.

Even as some may consider the accord weak – considering countries set their own targets for reducing greenhouse gas emissions and face no penalties for not reaching those goals — it still embodies a global acknowledgment of climate change and the need to combat it.

Syria's announcement comes just four days after 13 U.S. federal agencies released a report suggesting humans are the leading cause of increasing temperatures.

Via Washington Post:

According to news reports and people who were present Tuesday, the Syrian delegation to the talks announced the war-torn country's intention to ratify the Paris agreement. Separately, according to the Syrian Arab News Agency, lawmakers in Damascus last month "approved a draft law on ratifying Syria's accession to the Paris Climate Agreement."

The move comes after the only other holdout, Nicaragua, announced plans to join the Paris agreement in September. Nicaragua initially had refused to join the agreement in 2015 because its leaders felt the accord did not go far enough in compelling nations to reduce their carbon emissions. But in joining the deal this fall, the country's president noted that it is the "only instrument we have" to unite the world around the goal of staving off the most catastrophic effects of global warming.

Image: photoshopper24

The Washington D.C. restaurant The Bird is serving a $5 "Moscow Mueller" every time a Trump associate is indicted during Special Counsel Bob Mueller's investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election

"The grand jury may still be out, but when @bobsmueller indicts a Trump associate, we'll be serving up $5 Moscow Muellers #muellertime," The Bird's twitter account posted Wednesday.

The restaurant said the politically twisted version of a Moscow Mule is made of Turmeric infused Belle Isle Shine, Lime, simple syrup, and ginger beer over ice.

The grand jury may still be out, but when @bobsmueller indicts a Trump associate, we'll be serving up $5 Moscow Muellers ?#muellertime pic.twitter.com/ISmC2faOfv

— The Bird DC (@thebirddc) November 1, 2017

Via AP.

Image: Nan Palmero

Praying is boring and Pope Francis is sparing us some of the Catholic guilt for dozing off while prostrating ourselves before God.

The Pope admitted to occasionally sleeping on the job while he prays.

"When I go to pray, a few times I fall asleep," he said during an interview for TV2000 published Tuesday. Pope Francis also cited St. Therese's belief that God appreciates it when people fall asleep while praying.

The Guardian reports His Holiness gets around seven hours of sleep each night, along with a nap after lunch.

Image: Benhur Arcayan

Sorry, but there probably isn't an antiperspirant on the market that can stop blood sweating.

Two Italian doctors published their findings on a 21-year-old woman who experiences short episodes of bleeding from her palms and forehead without any lesions on her skin. Dr. Roberto Magile and Dr. Marzia Caproni didn't find evidence the patient was attempting to deceive medical professionals and are diagnosing her with hematohidrosis, according to a study in the peer-reviewed Canadian Medical Association Journal.

Hematohidrosis, or sweating blood, is said to be a rare medical phenomenon previously linked to biblical explanations, but other examples date much further back.

In this most recent case, the patient has episodes ranging from one to five minutes and was treated for depression and anxiety she says stems from stress for enduring the condition for three years, according to the study. The doctors treated the patient with propranolol, a type of beta blocker.

Via CMAJ:

In the literature, there is no single explanation of the source of bleeding in hematohidrosis. Despite the fluid's sweat-like appearance, the hypothesis that blood passes through eccrine ducts, induced by abnormal constrictions and expansions of periglandular vessels, has not yet been proven. Bleeding has also reportedly occurred through areas without sweat glands or through the follicles, and the presence of dermal defects leading to blood-filled spaces exuding via follicular openings or directly into the skin surface has also been proposed.

We treated our patient with propranolol (20 mg/day), based on its use in similar cases in the literature, and this led to a marked reduction, although not a complete remission of her bleeding.

Image: josemdelaa

Bill O'Reilly has seemingly run out of options for blaming others after a series of sexual harassment allegations canned the former Fox News host. From accusers to the news media, the only logical scapegoat left would surely be his Almighty.

During a recent episode of his web series "No Spin News," O'Reilly spoke candidly about his anger toward God for not protecting him, as more details surrounding allegations have surfaced, according to CNN.

"You know, am I mad at God? Yeah, I'm mad at him," O'Reilly said. "I wish I had more protection. I wish this stuff didn't happen. I can't explain it to you. Yeah, I'm mad at him."

He also admitted people have it "much rougher" than him and that he's a "bigmouth."

The New York Times reported Saturday that O'Reilly paid $32 million to settle accusations with former Fox News contributor Lis Wiehl. Six other agreements have been made by either O'reilly or the network on his behalf.

With this latest rant under his belt, his New York Times bestseller Killing Jesus: A History is beginning to look more like a manifesto.

Image: Justin Hoch

If we can't even trust our friendly four-legged athletes to not use performance enhancing drugs, which athletes can we trust?

The committee responsible for overseeing the 45th Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race found multiple dogs from the same team tested positive for the opioid pain relieving drug tramadol – one of Iditarod's banned substances – six hours after the race ended in March, according to NPR. This is the first such case of a doping scandal for the Iditarod since testing for banned substances began in 1994.

The dogs face extreme temperatures and difficult obstacles during their 1000 mile trek through Alaska, which can tempt Mushers to increase their dogs abilities for hefty prize packages.

Image: Frank Kovalchek

DirecTV dished out a $184,530.67 satellite television bill to an Ohio woman, and no, it wasn't for a new HBO/Showtime package. Angela Mixon-Smith, an Army veteran, recently agreed to bundle her DirecTV service with a new AT&T cell phone plan, and has been receiving strange service bills ever since.

Mixon-Smith said she opened the bill Monday and began to feel ill. According to KTLA:

"I mean, my chest got heavy," the Ohio, woman told KTLA sister station WJW in Cleveland on Wednesday. "I had to get some water. I don't drink. I was ready to drink." …

"I know I don't have that kind of money," she said. "And, since April? There's no way."

AT&T, which merged with DirecTV in 2015, apologized for the error and recredited Mixon-Smith's account. The spokesperson for AT&T who issued the apology did not give an explanation to KTLA for the mistake.

Image: Dwight Burdette

The clearly politically incorrect Supreme leader of Iran dubbed President Donald Trump and his administration as "mentally retarded" after Trump declined to re-certify Iran's compliance in the 2015 nuclear deal.

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who has stated his approval for the "death to America" slogan, also said he won't waste his time responding to Trump's "nonsensical comments," according to CBS.

This hasn't been the first time a world leader has mocked the president's mental capacity. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un labeled Trump a "dotard," back in September. Even Trump's own Secretary of State reportedly called the president a "F—ing moron," which Rex Tillerson refuses to outright deny.

The United States' role in the Iran nuclear deal is now placed in the hands of congress, and Khamenei is asking Europe to do more to maintain the multi-country accord.

Image: Gage Skidmore