The Onion wishes to speak to Michael Cohen about the angry email he sent them in 2013

In January 2013, The Onion ran a satire piece "written" by "Donald Trump," titled, "When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years." (Excerpt: "In the not-very-distant future I will die and then be gone from the world for all eternity. You may even get to watch me in a casket on national television being lowered into the ground, never to be seen again. I bet you’re smiling just thinking about that... Indeed, you can always take solace in the fact that the monstrous, unimaginable piece of shit that is me will stop existing fairly soon, and that I will continue to not exist for the remainder of your lifetime.")

A couple of weeks later, Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, sent The Onion an unintentionally funny email, asking The Onion to contact him "immediately to discuss," saying "the article is an absolutely disgusting piece that lacks any place in journalism; even in your Onion." He adds, "This commentary goes way beyond defamation and, if not immediately removed, I will take all actions necessary to ensure your actions do not go without consequence. Guide yourself accordingly."

The editors of The Onion say they would love to speak with Cohen now.

Unfortunately, this email must have been improperly sorted by one of the Malaysian children who work in our mailroom, and was only discovered crumpled up under a pile of journalism awards in a remote corner of our offices last week. We read the email, and given Mr.

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How Michelle Wolf blasted open the fictions of journalism in the age of Trump

Many Republicans and Democrats were offended by comedian Michelle Wolf's performance at the annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner. Professional liar Sean Spicer said it was a "disgrace." New York Times writer Maggie Haberman falsely accused Wolf of "intense criticism" of Sarah Huckabee Sanders' physical appearance.

Masha Gessen of the New Yorker has a different take. "Through her obscene humor," she writes, "Wolf exposed the obscenity of the fictions—and the fundamental unfunniness of it all."

Political satire in less troubled times exaggerates existing facts, pointing out the absurdities inherent in all ideologies, or playing up smaller disagreements and failures for bigger laughs. But Trump is hard to exaggerate—it is enough, it seems, merely to mirror him. But why does faithful portrayal of fact-based reality elicit laughter in a country that has a free press and a healthy public sphere in which, it seems, reality is robustly represented? What do late-night comedians reclaim from the Times?

Wolf’s performance at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner suggests an answer. She called the President a racist, a truth as self-evident as it has proved difficult for mainstream journalists to state. Her humor was obscene: she joked about the President’s affair with a porn star; about his “pulling out,” as promised (of the Paris agreement); and about the G.O.P.’s former deputy finance chair Elliott Broidy’s $1.6 million payoff to a former mistress. She also made mincemeat of White House staff, House and Senate Republican leaders, the Democrats, and journalists on the right and left, in their presence or in that of their colleagues.

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “At some points Democrats have to decide whether they love this country more than they hate this president.”

Trump's press secretary went on Fox News and used the old logically flawed rhetorical trick, "If only my enemy loved X more than it hated Y then everything would be swell," to complain about congressional reluctance to confirm CIA director Mike Pompeo for secretary of state. Her exact words were "At some points Democrats have to decide whether they love this country more than they hate this president."

Pompeo, a former tea party congressman from Kansas, would make a lousy secretary of state. He wants to bomb Iran, wants nothing to do with the Paris climate accord, says American Muslim leaders were “potentially complicit” in the Boston Marathon bombing, says politics is “a never-ending struggle … until the rapture,” and once cited, verbatim, a sermon delivered by Rev. Joe Wright to the Kansas State Legislature: “America had worshipped other Gods and called it multiculturalism. We’d endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.”

It's no surprise that the Fox News hosts happily fell for Sanders' idiotic either-or trick, but most people are smart enough to know that it's possible to intensely dislike Trump and love their country at the same time. Here's a tweet from one such person:

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Senate confirms a homophobic climate change denier with no scientific credentials to lead NASA

Homophobic climate change denier Rep. Jim Bridenstine (R-Okla.) "has made a career out of ignoring scientific expertise" says Sen. Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii). Naturally, Bridenstine was approved 50-49, along party lines, to be our next NASA administrator. Read the rest

Giuliani to join Trump's legal team

Rudolph W. Giuliani, the once moderate former New York mayor who morphed into an angry spittle-flecked screamer, says he is joining Trump's legal team with the goal of getting Special Counsel Robert Mueller to cease his investigation. Good luck with that.

From The Washington Post:

“I’m doing it because I hope we can negotiate an end to this for the good of the country and because I have high regard for the president and for Bob Mueller,” Giuliani said in an interview.

Trump counsel Jay Sekulow said Thursday in a statement that Giuliani is joining the team along with two former federal prosecutors, Jane Serene Raskin and Marty Raskin, a couple who jointly run a Florida-based law firm.

“Rudy is great,” Trump said in the statement issued by Sekulow. “He has been my friend for a long time and wants to get this matter quickly resolved for the good of the country.”

What are Giuliani and Trump so afraid Mueller will find?

Below, highlights of Giuliani's unusual behavior, conspiracy theory spreading, lies, and general kookiness.

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ACLU supports the FBI raid of Michael Cohen's office

The ACLU said the FBI search of Trump lawyer Michael Cohen's office was not a violation of attorney–client privilege. In fact, it said in a statement written by ACLU Legal Director David Cole, "all indications thus far are that the search was conducted pursuant to the rule of law, and with sign-offs from Trump appointees."

We don’t say this lightly. The ACLU is the nation’s premier defender of privacy, and we’ve long maintained that the right of every American to speak freely to his or her attorney is essential to the legal system. These rights are protected by the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Amendments, and we are second to none in defending them — often for people with whom we fundamentally disagree.

But we also believe in the rule of law as an essential foundation for civil liberties and civil rights. And perhaps the first principle of the rule of law is that no one — not even the president, let alone his lawyer — is above the law. And no one, not even the president, can exploit the attorney-client privilege to engage in crime or fraud.

Image by Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0) Read the rest

Charges dropped against Turkey's presidential thugs who were filmed brutally beating protesters in Washington

When Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan visited Washington DC last year, he brought along his gang of goons who beat protesters so brutally that nine were hospitalized. US prosecutors dropped charges against against 11 of the 15 men accused of the bloody assault. In the video above you can see the suited thugs kicking people on the ground as police officers try to stop them. Read the rest

Ben Carson is super surprised about that $31k dining set he ordered

Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson now says he is shocked, just shocked, that the new dining set ordered for his office cost $31,000, which was $26,000 more than legally allowed. "I was as surprised as anyone to find out that a $31,000 dining set had been ordered," he said in a statement. "I have requested that the order be canceled. We will find another solution for the furniture replacement."

A former former senior HUD official, Helen Foster, said she he was harassed and demoted for questioning orders to buy the furniture and was so distressed that she would vomit on her way home from work every day.

That wasn't the only thing to get sick over. From CNN's descriptions of the dining set, it's clear that Carson's taste in decor is vomitous, too:

The $31,000 dining set includes a table, sideboard, breakfront -- all in mahogany -- and 10 mahogany chairs with a blue velvet finish, according to the company that sold the furniture to the agency and purchase documents obtained by CNN.


From Salon:

On the eve of Trump's inauguration [Foster] alleged she was told by acting HUD director Craig Clemmensen to help Carson's wife, Candy, obtain funds that would be used to redecorate the former presidential candidate's office. However, when she pointed out that there was only a statutory limit of $5,000, she was allegedly told, "$5,000 will not even buy a decent chair."

By Feb. 10, Foster maintained her position that $5,000 was the limit, but she was told repeatedly "to 'find money' for Mrs Carson," the complaint said, according to The Guardian.

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Parody commercial for Trump's lawyer who paid porn star $130,000 for no reason

Donald Trump says he never had sex with porn star Stormy Daniels, but for some reason Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, admitted that he paid Daniels $130,000 of his own money to keep quiet. Huh? To clear up the confusion, Jimmy Kimmel made this parody commercial.

From Wikipedia:

In January 2018, the Wall Street Journal reported Cohen used Essential Consultants LLC, and pseudonyms to pay, in October 2016 prior to the election, porn star Stormy Daniels regarding an alleged affair she had with Trump in 2006. Cohen told The New York Times in February 2018 that this money was paid from his own pocket, that it was not a campaign contribution, and that he was not reimbursed for making it by either the Trump Organization or the Trump campaign. The Washington Post later noted that, by stating that he used his own money to "facilitate" the payment, Cohen was not ruling out the possibility that Trump, as an individual, reimbursed Cohen for the payment.

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Here are the 200,000 Russian troll tweets deleted by Twitter

NBC news has compiled a database of 200,000 tweets that Twitter identified as "malicious activity" from Russian trolls in the run up to the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

These accounts, working in concert as part of large networks, pushed hundreds of thousands of inflammatory tweets, from fictitious tales of Democrats practicing witchcraft to hardline posts from users masquerading as Black Lives Matter activists. Investigators have traced the accounts to a Kremlin-linked propaganda outfit founded in 2013 known as the Internet Research Association (IRA). The organization has been assessed by the U.S. Intelligence Community to be part of a Russian state-run effort to influence the outcome of the 2016 U.S. presidential race. And they're not done.

"There should be no doubt that Russia perceives its past efforts as successful and views the 2018 US midterm elections as a potential target for Russian influence operations," Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats told the Senate Intelligence Committee Tuesday.

Image: Bradley Davis/Twitter, Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0) Read the rest

Trump's military parade will cost $10M-$30M

Trump's self-aggrandizing military parade, with flown-in tanks rolling down the streets of Washington, will cost cost $10M-$30M, according to the White House budget director. Read the rest

Senator Tammy Duckworth, a retired U.S. Army Lieutenant Colonel, says she won't clap for "Cadet Bone Spurs"

Senator for Illinois Tammy Duckworth didn't take kindly to Trump's claim that anyone who doesn't clap for him like a trained chimp is guilty of treason, a crime punishable by death. She tweeted, "We don't live in a dictatorship or a monarchy. I swore an oath — in the military and in the Senate — to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, not to mindlessly cater to the whims of Cadet Bone Spurs and clap when he demands I clap."

Bone spur image by James Heilman, MD - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link

Trump hair image by Michael Vadon, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link Read the rest

Trump gets booed at Davos for calling the press nasty, vicious, mean, and fake

Trump went to the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland and told the audience that the press is "nasty," "vicious," "mean," and "fake." His comment was received with a chorus of boos, which Sarah Huckabee Sanders will later describe as "enthusiastic applause."

Catch his speech here:

Image: Youtube/NBC News Read the rest

Ex-GOP chair tells Trump-supporting evangelicals to"‘shut the hell up!"

Evangelicals love a president who cheats on all of his wives, brags about assaulting women by grabbing their pussies, and pays hush money to a porn star to keep her from talking to the press about his sex affair with her. Tony Perkins of the right-wing Family Research Council, said Trump gets "a do-over" because evangelicals "were tired of being kicked around by Barack Obama and his leftists." But Michael Steele, the former Republican National Committee chair, has one thing to say to evangelicals about their unwavering support for the unfaithful Trump: “I have very simple admonition: just shut the hell up and don’t preach to me about anything ever again,” he said on MSNBC.

“After telling me who to love, what to believe, what to do and what not to do and now you sit back and the prostitutes don’t matter, the grabbing the you-know-what doesn’t matter, the outright behavior and lies don’t matter, just shut up!” Steele blasted.

“They have no voice of authority anymore for me,” Steele concluded.

But in his heart, Steele knows the truth: Trump's sanctimonious base has made it clear that they will support Trump no matter what he says or does, and they'll never stop scolding everyone (but Trump) about family values, either. Read the rest

White women are leaving the GOP

The Republican party is rapidly becoming the party of white men. Minorities want nothing to do with the GOP and a new ABC News/Washington Post poll shows that white women are now ditching the party of pussy grabber apologists.

From Reason:

According to exit polls, some 53 percent of white women who voted in the 2016 presidential election chose Trump, giving him a nine-point lead over Clinton with this cohort. White women were also more likely to choose Republican candidates in the 2014 midterm elections, by 14 points.

This latest survey marks a change. White female voters now poll more like women (and men) of color than like white men.

Among registered voters, the poll showed white women preferring Democrats by a 12-point lead. Some 50 percent said they would vote Democrat in the 2018 midterms, with only 38 percent preferring GOP candidates.

Non-white female voters preferred Democrats by a 53-point margin.

Overall, 64 percent of all women polled preferred Democrats (up from 55 percent in fall 2017), with 29 percent preferring Republicans. The score was 57–31 in Democrats' favor when we consider only women who are registered voters. And two-thirds of this group said they "strongly disapprove" of Trump's presidential performance so far.

This is why Ann Coulter has long espoused the opinion that women shouldn't be allowed to vote.

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Colbert reads porn star Stormy Daniels sex affair with Trump

In 2011, before she signed her non-disclosure agreement with Trump, porn actress Stormy Daniels gave a detailed account of her 2006 sex affair with Trump to InTouch magazine. During last night's airing of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert read some of the choice bits.

When she arrived, he was wearing sweatpants, and they ended up eating in his hotel room." "He told me...I was someone to be reckoned with, beautiful and smart just like his daughter." "...he showed off a magazine cover featuring himself." "When I came out, he was sitting on the bed and he was like, 'Come here.' And I was like, 'Ugh, here we go.'" "...he let down his guard and became sheepish. It was almost like he was so taken with me that I could move him around like a puppet." "I actually don't even know why I did it." "...but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, 'Please, don't try to pay me.'" She described the sex as 'textbook generic.' Read the rest

Senators Tom Cotton and David Perdue caught lying about Trump's “shithole countries” remark

GOP senators Tom Cotton and David Perdue, who were in the room when Trump disparaged African countries, told everyone who would listen that Trump didn't say "shithole." Cotton also made a point to shame Sen. Richard J. Durbin (D-Ill.) for claiming that Trump said the word.

Now we learn that Cotton and Perdue were using the slimiest of loopholes. They heard Trump say "shithouse," which allowed them to call everyone else in the room a liar for saying Trump said "shithouse."

From The Washington Post:

Three White House officials said Perdue and Cotton told the White House that they heard “shithouse” rather than “shithole,” allowing them to deny the president’s comments on television over the weekend. The two men initially said publicly that they could not recall what the president said.

Not only did these two repeatedly lie, but Cotton also impugned the integrity of Sen. Richard J. Durbin (D-Ill.), who told the truth. Asked whether the accusation that Trump spoke the offending words or the sentiment was phony, Cotton lied, “Yes.” He went on to say, “Senator Durbin has misrepresented what happened in White House meetings before, and he was corrected by Obama administration officials by it.”

Honorable men would resign after such a remarkable revelation of their crummy character; neither Cotton nor Perdue will. We still await the appearance of a single staffer of either who would quit in protest.

The conservative pundits are probably already writing about how "shithouse" is so, so different than "shithole," and how dare Democrats put words in the president's mouth. Read the rest

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