Florida reports a massive surge in new covid-19 cases

Today Florida reported 9000 new coronavirus cases over the last 24 hours. As you can see from the chart this is a massive increase and bring the total cases to 122,960. In response, the Secretary of the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation announced that bars will no longer be allowed to serve alcohol.

From Axios:

By the numbers: The record surpassed Florida's single-day record from this week at 5,511. Deaths in Florida increased 1.2%, reaching 3,366, the report shows.

Total hospitalizations in Florida rose 1.5%, to 13,987. More than 1.77 million people in Florida have been tested so far. The median age of new cases is from people in their mid-30s.

Here's a video of some people in Ginnie Springs, Florida enjoying themselves on Memorial Day weekend:

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"They want to throw God's wonderful breathing system out": Comments from Florida anti-maskers

On Tuesday, just before Palm Beach County's board of commissioners voted to mandate masks in public spaces, the people had the opportunity to speak their minds. One of the citizens:

“And they want to throw God’s wonderful breathing system out the door. You’re all turning your backs on it. Can you prove that it’s good for people to breathe carbon dioxide over and over and over again? God made it so that we would breathe in fresh oxygen, to go to our body, to every cell in the body. It has to have that to make energy. When you wear a mask, the nose is cut off, the mouth is cut off."

Yesterday, the state of Florida reported a horrifying 19.97% positive rate for COVID-19.

(The Daily Beast)

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Florida man spent 24 hours vandalizing high school in the nude

Miramar, Florida police arrested Matthew Crandall, 21, for allegedly breaking into Miramar High School and smashing up the place. He wore only a hat and headphones as he destroyed computers and TVs and apparently caused major flooding. The total wreckage is estimated at $100,000.

Crandall was identified from surveillance footage. According to the Associated Press, "it’s not known whether he has ties to the school."

(Thanks to our Florida bureau chief, Charles Pescovitz!) Read the rest

Florida's COVID-19 'dashboard' official: I was removed for refusing to 'manually change data'

Somehow, not a surprise. Read the rest

Grim Reaper visits Florida beaches as Gov. DeSantis lifts COVID-19 restrictions

Well, looks like the reopening of Florida is going great, just great today. Read the rest

Florida governor DeSantis says the state is reopening Monday

DeSantis announced Florida reopening same day as 350 new COVID-19 cases and 47 new deaths confirmed

Pro Wrestling shows are 'essential business' in coronavirus pandemic, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis orders

Oh, yes this is real. Florida has officially declared WWE pro wrestling shows an 'essential business' that must be allowed to continue to operate during the deadly COVID-19 pandemic. Read the rest

Florida city commissioner proposes cure for coronavirus: "hold a blow dryer in front of your face, and inhale"

Welcome to Okeechobee, Florida. In a meeting of the city fathers and mothers, commissioner Bryant Culpepper suggested you can prevent and cure coronavirus by blasting your sinuses with hot air: "you hold a blow dryer in front of your face, and inhale," he says solemly. Culpepper was soon informed he is mistaken and has apologized. ABC News:

During the meeting on Friday, the commissioner said he watched a news show on One America News, which he described as the "new Fox News," where a "certified doctor" was on the show providing suggestions about how to kill the coronavirus. Commissioner Culpepper said the doctor on the show said that to kill the virus, it needs to be exposed to a high concentration of heat, about 163 degrees.

43 seconds in, watch the man in the black shirt, center back, do a double facepalm with sinus massage after Culpepper says those wondrous words, "you hold a blow dryer in front of your face, and inhale." He's not following the coronavirus guidelines either.

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Florida city commission meeting goes awry

In this footage, city commissioners in Lake Worth Beach, Florida, bicker over ad-hoc rules and hurdles that, as if by magic, make it virtually impossible to take emergency measures such as closing the beaches during the coronavirus pandemic.

Commissioner Omari Hardy appears to be the hero of the piece, complaining about the city continuing to work on shutting off utilities for delinquent bills while doing nothing about coronavirus. But his futile explosion of anger at Mayor Pam Triolo and City Manager Michael Bornstein's procedural games is not a great sign of hope for Florida's containment efforts.

City Manager Michael Bornstein said he appreciates Hardy’s “youthful exuberance” but added the 30-year-old commissioner “just needs to calm down.”

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Florida cow arrested by police after months on the lam

On March 11, 2020, the hooflickers of the Pembroke Pines Police Department in Florida posted an ominous message to their Twitter page, warning residents about a rogue heffer who had been let loose upon their quiet community. This female brown cow with a white head was renowned for her speed and fence-jumping skills, and also apparently liked pools.

The specifics of the cow's alleged crimes of "MOOving violations" and "UDDERing false checks" are not currently known to the public at this time. The law-breaking bovine has since been apprehended, and is currently awaiting trial.

This fugitive cow has avoided police capture for months in South Florida [Wells Dusenbury / South Florida Sun Sentinel]

Image: Public Domain via Pexels

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Dense crowds of beachgoers soak up the disease in Florida

Clearwater beach was packed to the waterline Tuesday, crowded by visitors hoping to make the most of the coronavirus pandemic by contracting it and spreading it to as many other people as possible.

Despite pleas from health and government officials asking people to practice social distancing in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, many are ignoring those requests.

On Monday, the beaches were still packed in Clearwater, Florida, with spring breakers electing to ignore the public health crisis. Spotlighted in pictures that have quickly gone viral, hundreds of people can be seen partying on the beach like it’s just another day. According to Tampa’s WFTS, Clearwater officials may not vote on whether to close down beaches until Thursday.

After all these years, Project Normandy finally has a beach head.

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'Wanted: Unknown Cow.' Florida cow on the loose sought by authorities

The Pembroke Pines Police Department tweeted:

“Wanted: Unknown Cow.”

“Description: Female cow. Brown with a white head. Faster than it looks. Talented fence jumper. Enjoys pools.” Read the rest

Move over, Florida Man, and make room for feral Florida monkeys with herpes

Back in 1938, a local Florida cruise operator called Colonel Tooey — "Colonel" was in fact his first name, according to the New York Times — let loose about a dozen rhesus macaque monkeys onto a man-made island inside Silver Springs State Park. According to National Geographic, Colonel had big plans to build a Tarzan-themed attraction there.

But naturally, the monkeys escaped, and over the years, multiplied. The International Primate Protection League tried to keep their eye on them, and they (apparently) became a bit of a tourist attraction. Eventually, wildlife officials tried to tame the population, approving the removal of more than 1,000 of these feral macaques. As of 2018, a study in the Journal of Wildlife Management estimated that there were still around 300 of them now roving around the strip malls of suburban Florida. And some of them have migrated more than 100 miles away, as far as Jacksonville.

And about 30 percent of the remaining feral rhesus macaques also have Herpes-B, also known as "monkey herpes."

Monkey herpes is rare in humans, with only about 50 known cases (none of which were actually contracted from monkeys). But it can kill a person in just six weeks.

More and more of these rhesus macaques have been found roaming around residential neighbors in Florida. While they tend to be pretty skittish, they can also get aggressive around humans; they've even been known to organize mass raids of deer feeders in Florida. So local authorities are raising red flags, in hopes of preventing the inevitable Florida-Man-Gets-Bitten-By-Feral-Herpes-Monkey headlines. Read the rest

Florida man impersonated state prosecutors in order to drop charges against himself

Yesterday, Christian Mosco of Volusia County, Florida was sentenced to ten years in prison after impersonating two assistant state prosecutors and attempting to use a fake court document to drop charges against himself. Mosco had previously been busted for extortion. According to the Daytona Beach News-Journal, the new charges include "two counts of falsely impersonating an officer, practicing law without authority, two counts of fraudulent use of personal identification and criminal process under color of law and uttering a forgery." From ClickOrlando:

The Volusia County Clerk of Court’s office thought the document seemed suspicious and contacted the state attorney. After an investigation, the two offices determined the document was fraudulent.

“The defendant employed threats, scams and theft in an attempt to further his criminal plans," State Attorney R.J. Larizza said in a news release. "Had he used his talents for positive and law-abiding activities, he would not be on his way to the State Prison System.”

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Florida men play Uno in the road during a red light

In a prank commenting on bad traffic in Cape Coral, Florida, Paxten Sester and his buddies passed time during a long red light by playing Uno in the middle of the road. Dylan Kjos caught the minute-long gag on video for TikTok and its since gone viral.

"(After a minute,) we rushed back into the truck, thinking that the light was about to change. And we still sat in the truck for about another minute," Kjos said.

According to UPI, "Kjos and his friends said they were aiming to poke fun at the local traffic, which they said is particularly slow during the winter.

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Neighbors sue over Florida man's wild multicolored, spray-painted home

Over one week, this $500,000, Naples, Florida home belonging to Jeffrey Leibman, 40, was transformed from boring beige to a wild, multicolored dream house. The grounds and trees have also been, er, brightened up. I think it has great curb appeal! From ABC7News (video below):

A Naples homeowners association said it's actually suing the man they believe trashed this house.

Right now, management said Leibman is no longer living in the home, and court records show he's due in court this weekend for drug charges.

(Thanks to our Florida bureau chief, Charles Pescovitz!)

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Icy with a chance of falling iguanas, Florida's odd forecast reads

The iguanas are cold-blooded, you see.

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