Maine Man accused of "nearly decapitating" neighbor with machete, burying him with rotting dead deer

A very bad man in Maine is charged with a very weird murder. Prosecutors say Bruce Akers used a machete to try and decapitate a neighbor (is "nearly decapitating" worse? because that's what happened), then buried the victim's remains together with the partially decomposed carcasses of deer he killed previously.

Yep. Read the rest

Gentleman with golf club pokes a lot of holes into an expensive Mercedes Benz

I'm not sure what is going on here, but from what I gather, this is a South Korean gentleman who installed a third party engine performance chip in his expensive Mercedes Benz. The new chip caused his car to have mechanical problems. When he took it to the dealer, he was told that his warranty was void because of the chip. The gentleman became upset and did what any of us would have done in a similar situation: used a golf club to smash his $160,000 Mercedes-Benz S63 AMG.

Highlights: 1:26, when the club head gets stuck in a hole, and 1:49, when the club head breaks off and he gives the car a couple of half-hearted thwacks with the stick. At 2:00 he returns with a fresh club and renews his attack with cool intensity.

Read the rest

Alaska woman steals patrol car in which her just-arrested husband is handcuffed

Alaska Woman is giving Florida Man a run for his money.

Man calls 911 to try and trick medics into fixing his air conditioner

A 26-year-old Pennsylvania man with a history of making bogus emergency calls to 911 dispatchers recently complained of chest pains so he could ask medics to help him fix his air conditioner. Read the rest

New Mexico police on the lookout for Gummy Bear Bandit

Oh, Albuquerque. Never change.

Florida Man attempting to rob bank leaves behind job application form with username, password

A man tried to rob a Chase Bank in Pompano Beach, Florida on April 10. He selected a teller behind bulletproof glass who refused to give him money, and presented a robbery note with his demands: "Give me the 100s 50s 20s now. Do not set the alarm. Hurry!!!" When the teller rebuffed him, he ran away but left his stickup note behind.

His demands had been penned on the back of an online job application form, complete with the handwritten username of CRUZFELIPE36. It also included a password, Gioielli stated in a federal criminal complaint.

Police are still looking for Felipe Cruz. Read the rest

Daughter-belting judge loses seat to primary challenger

William Adams, the Arkansas County Court-At-Law Judge caught on camera mercilessly whipping his screaming 14-year-old daughter while yelling obscenities at her, has finally lost his job after a primary challenger defeated him. His victim had anticipated the assault, recorded it, and released it only after she became an adult. Warning: the video shows physical and emotional abuse and will make you angry. Previously. Read the rest

Iowa gentleman tells cops he was using lawn mower on neighbors' lawns to chase gopher

As @pourmecoffee tweeted, it's unfair that there's no video to accompany this all-too-brief story of a gentleman in Iowa "who says he was using his lawn mower to chase a gopher." The man has been told to stay home and "sober up," because allegedly, some booze may have possibly been involved maybe. As long as the man had pants on, however, that seems like mere speculation. Read the rest

Great dad dies (also, he was a scientist)

Handsome Dad of the Year (a former brunette) took out the garbage without fail, did the family shopping, and is remembered fondly by his step-daughters/first-cousins-once-removed. Also, outside the home, he discovered something called "relativity". Jennie Dusheck has a great follow up to a story that Xeni posted about earlier today. Read the rest

Bro-on-Bro violence leads to tragedy, as penis drawn on roommate's face

A Virginia man was beaten on Saturday, March 23, for drawing a dick on his roommate’s face.

Arlington County Police say 31-year-old James Watson passed out on his couch after a night of boozing. Around 5:30 AM he woke up to find, to his outrage, that a crude rendering of male genitalia had been scrawled upon his very face in permanent marker. Read the rest

Man shoots girlfriend in fight over The Walking Dead

Jarman Gurman, 26, had an argument with his girlfriend over "The Walking Dead" early Monday morning. So he shot her in the back with a rifle. [NBC] Read the rest

Lactose intolerance intolerance: Gentleman attacks McDonald's worker over unwanted cheese on burger

The Smoking Gun has details on the case of a Pennsylvania gentleman who was so angry his hamburger had a piece of unwanted cheese on it, he allegedly assaulted a female McDonald’s employee. After knocking over a trash can and throwing a high chair, the patron attacked her and attempted to destroy her cellphone, according to Springettsbury Township police. Read the rest

Gentleman steals pot from police station because "that bud smelled so good"

David Allan Thompson, 27, was arrested for ripping off a bag of marijuana seized as evidence from the Charleroi Regional police department, in Pennsylvania. Mr. Thompson had gone to the police station on his own volition, according to reports, to "help out" cops. "Police said that back at the station, Thompson apologized repeatedly, telling police, 'I just couldn’t help myself. That bud smelled so good.' He also reportedly told police he couldn’t believe he was in trouble for 'taking a little bit of weed,' especially since he had stopped by to give them information." (MSNBC) Read the rest

Skifcha = cat + wub

Skifcha, who has a Facebook page and may be seen in its full glory at xgabberx's Vimeo, is now available in stereo. There are more adventures. [Thanks, Joel!] Read the rest