I'm pretty sure this British cell phone commercial is actually an invasion of pricks

I was watching "Love Island" live on ITV2 the other day (don't judge) when this bizarre commercial flashed across the screen.

I live in the States, so I don't usually watch British television as it airs. I have no idea what the usual commercial content looks like. But apparently this Uncanny Valley Of Penis Fingers has been in circulation for about a year and a half. British television has always been less prude than American shows, but I still have to wonder how effective this advertising campaign has been to run for that long, and in such a prime slot. Maybe Vodafone just found the trick to profit off a sea of dicks. Read the rest

California beach awash with penises which also happen to be fish

OK get to it. There's a worm out called the Fat Innkeeper Worm or, if you will the Penis Fish. Recently, thousands of the sea-cocks washed up on the shores of a beach, around 50 miles north of San Francisco. The California sea shore, friendos, is absolutely throbbing.

Just look at this thing:

According to information dug up by The Guardian, the Penis Fish typically spends its days in U-shaped burrows on the floor of the Pacific ocean. However, a recent storm dislodged the aquatic todgers and washed them ashore to be the stuff of nightmares, or depending on what you're into, the catalyst for the best day at the beach, ever.

From Vice:

Yes, the physical design of the fat innkeeper worm has some explaining to do. But the fat innkeeper is perfectly shaped for a life spent underground. Within a beach or mudflat, it digs a U-shaped burrow extending a few feet in length but no wider than the worm itself. The burrow’s front entrance pokes up like a little sand chimney. These can be seen clustered around the low tide line of a mudflat or sandy beach. The backdoor is marked by a pile of worm castings, which get projected out the end of the tunnel with a blast of water from the worm’s hindquarters.”

Our planet is delightfully weird.

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This "Christmas Shirt For Dog Lovers" is definitely a penis

Do you love Christmas? Do you love dogs? How about dongs? Well then I have just the shirt for you!

I mean I guess I can see how that's supposed to be a dog with the — wait, nope, that's definitely a dick.

It's also available in a holly pattern, if you're so interested. Read the rest