The Mighty Carver electric knife ($59.95) might be the most badass way to rip into the holiday bird, besides using an actual chainsaw.

Here's how it came to be, as told by its creator, Kimberly Burney:

At Thanksgiving dinner as far back as I can remember, I would get out the electric carving knife for Grandpa. He would carefully carve the turkey to serve the family. This is a wonderful tradition shared by most Americans. But Grandpa’s been gone for a year now and at the last Thanksgiving dinner I asked, “Hey, who wants to carve the turkey this year?” No one looked up, no one said a word. I thought to myself, come on you guys, you all love power tools, what is the problem? Then it hit me. “If this were a chain saw, you boys would be fighting over who gets to carve the turkey.”

It's also good for slicing up bread, fruit, and god-knows-what-else in the most glorious fashion ever!

Thanks, Kent!

image via The Grommet Read the rest

Do you remember when Barney parade balloon ate it during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 1997? The internet sure does. Footage of the schadenfraude-inducing incident is making the rounds again, proving that hating on the annoying purple dinosaur is timeless.

The day after it happened, The New York Times reported the accident was due to high winds and that Barney wasn't the only damaged float:

...For a while, the balloons seemed to be falling like flies. Barney suffered extensive damage and had to be removed at 51st Street. The Pink Panther succumbed at 42d Street. Quik Bunny and the Cat in the Hat limped away at 36th Street...

The crash of Barney, the purple dinosaur beloved by preschoolers and loathed by some parents, was heart-stopping for those at the end of its ropes. ''Everything turned purple,'' said Antonella Laggiano of Mamaroneck, N.Y.

''Barney attacked us,'' said a still-stunned Isabella Fasciano of Hoboken, N.J. After it fell, police officers rushed to puncture it with knives and relieve the danger.

Thanks, Andy! Read the rest

And in accordance with tradition, Uncle Bill will now lead us in "A Thanksgiving Prayer" (1986).

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If you're planning on taking a salad to your Thanksgiving potluck this year, be wicked careful of what you throw into it: The Centers for Disease Control is currently warning everyone, frigging everywhere to avoid romaine lettuce as if eating it could dose you with E Coli... because there's a pretty decent chance that it will. According to the CDC's Twitter feed for the time being we none of us should be eating "...any romaine lettuce, including whole heads and hearts, chopped, organic and salad mixes with romaine" until they figure out what the source of E Coli is and how much of the romaine supply chain has been contaminated by it. For the complete lowdown on what the CDC knows so far, you'll want to check out their E coli alert page.

For those unfamiliar with it, E coli (Escherichia coli,) bacteria can be found in the guts of healthy folks and many animals. It's fine, for the most part! Some strains of the bug, however, are not so fine. Should one of these strains of E coli get into our systems, typically via the ingestion of contaminated water or food, those stricken by the bug can suffer symptoms ranging fa quick bout of the trots to serious issues with symptoms including severe abdominal cramps, bloody diarrhea and vomiting.

So, maybe serve up a kale, iceberg or coleslaw salad this year, instead. It'll give everyone gathered around your table one more reason to be thankful.

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Patrick Costello (previously) writes, "My mom shares her recipe for cranberry orange bread with help from my dad. They have been married for fifty years and they are still crazy for each other. The full recipe is in the video description." Read the rest

Do you like Flaming Hot Cheetos? Well, heck. Why not enjoy a Flaming Hot Cheetos Thanksgiving turkey dinner with the whole family this year. Read the rest

The secret word of the day is: Marathon.

As in, IFC is hosting an 24-hour marathon of Pee-wee's Playhouse on Thanksgiving. Aaaarggghhhhh! (That was me screaming real loud.)

Starting at 6 AM, you'll be able to watch every single episode of this quirky TV cult classic, from "Ice Cream Soup" to "Accidental Playhouse." Do note that THE best Christmas special in the whole wide world -- Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special, of course -- begins at 6:12 PM sharp on Thanksgiving Day evening.

Save room for Pee-wee. #PeeweesPlayhouse marathon Thanksgiving day on @IFC. pic.twitter.com/lWmxvPOgzV

— IFC (@IFC) November 13, 2018

Plus, you'll get a chance to watch them again when IFC starts running the episodes (sans the Christmas special) on every Saturday morning this December.

[Psst... take a look at Pee-wee Herman's Instagram. It's full of weird gifs and images, just as you would hope and expect.]

(Peewee.com) Read the rest

To the best of my recollection, this was Thanksgiving 1993.

I was 21 and living in Chicago. I'd moved there a few months earlier, under the promise of a job at the Second City, a famed comedy club, that evaporated before I'd ever set foot in the door. Being young and refusing to give up, I stayed for the adventure. My apartment was incredibly cheap, and I was performing a lot more than I had been in LA. I thought I'd make this my new home.

My two roommates had left town to visit family. Greg, a fellow improvisational comedian who'd suffered the same retracted job offer as I, was off to Massachusetts. Marko, a 6'6" pre-frontally lobotomized hoarder who suffered from homophobia, anti-semitism, and only experienced joy while performing as a children's party clown, was someplace I did not care.

Over the many years, I have come to recognize that homophobic, anti-semitic, hoarder, children's party clown roommates come with an increased incidence of violent death. The rent was really cheap.

My friend Kevin came into town from Los Angeles, we didn't even think about dinner. Mostly, we liked to drink. We were 21 and it was cold.

It was Thursday, everything was closed and we were hungry. We realized it was Thanksgiving. I am absolutely certain this very-good-idea-were-we-not-broke-as-fuck was Kevin's and not mine: we would go to the Chicago Ritz-Carlton and join their Thanksgiving dinner.

We decided that appearances would matter and that we should look nice if we intended to have dinner with rich and fancy people at a rich and fancy place. Read the rest

Pop culture historian Charles Phoenix, the culinary kitsch king behind the Cherpumple, accidentally created this Astro-Weenie Roast Tom Turkey Dog in his test kitchen a few years back.

His space-agey "bird" is made of "turkey meatloaf skewered and studded with turkey wieners, turkey kielbasa, ‘lil turkey smokies and fresh cranberries."

He writes, "I didn’t mean to do this, it just happened. I didn’t think about it, I just did it."

Previously: 'Addicted to Americana,' Charles Phoenix's new book on 'classic & kitschy American life & style' Read the rest

Scientific American consulted biomechencial engineers on how to win the wishbone wish fair and square and also by cheating.

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Everyone got the memo. This is the year when big food behemoths like Taco Bell and Hidden Valley came out with their own gimmicky line of personally-branded clothing (and gifts).

Well, now there's a new contender and it's stranger than the rest. Stove Top, Kraft's stuffing brand, has come out with Thanksgiving Dinner Pants.

Watch this and weep:

Alas, you won't be able to stuff yourself into these fugly $19.98 stretchy-waisted fat pants because they have already sold out. Wah wah.

Side note: I'm reminded of Betabrand's Gluttony Pants from a few years back.

(CHOW) Read the rest

A pair of economists analyzed data aggregated from smartphone tracking apps to see how long Americans spent at Thanksgiving dinner and how far they traveled to get there, and compared it to precinct-level voting data and data on the intensity of election advertising spending targeted to the subjects, and concluded that "Cell-tracking shows that mixed-party families had shorter 2016 Thanksgivings, an effect exacerbated by political advertising." Read the rest

West coast ice creamery Salt & Straw isn't encouraging anyone to give up their Thanksgiving day meal, but they are making a version that is cold and creamy to ingest.

For the month of November, you can order their five-pint "Thanksgiving Dinner of Ice Cream Series," as follows (descriptions via Los Angeles Magazine):

-- Sweet Potato Casserole with Maple Pecans ("Sweet potatoes are roasted down and mixed with cream and sugar to make a sweet, spicy, sticky ice cream. Then Oregon pecans are mixed and caramelized with maple sugar. It is then of course topped off with hand-churned ribbons of Salt & Straw’s own delicious homemade gooey maple fluff.")

-- Buttered Mashed Potatoes & Gravy ("Salt & Straw has made over 600 different flavors of ice cream, and this is hands-down the most savory one ever served. Salt & Straw makes a potato- flavored ice cream, thanks to the real potatoes boiled down until the starch turns to sugar, and then stirs in their own homemade gravy fudge made from two mashed-up recipes, pun very much intended.")

-- Apple Cranberry Stuffing

-- Salted Caramel Thanksgiving Turkey ("Turkey stock is cooked and mixed with sugar, spices and onions down until it bubbles into a caramel, which creates the base of the salted caramel ice cream. And Salt & Straw also roasts turkey skin until it’s crispy and then candy-coat it and mix bits of that in, too.")

-- Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie ("It starts with goat-cheese ice cream, which is sprinkled with pumpkin pie spices, but the generous helping of mashed pumpkin folded and swirled in really steals the show.")

All five pints are available now for $65 plus shipping. Read the rest

Prepare a turkey as usual, but add a prosciutto-wrapped pork loin with spaghetti teeth into the just-split chest cavity of the bird, garnished with dye-enhanced gravy and cranberry sauce -- YUM! Read the rest

As it's been 30 years since William Burroughs' legendary Thanksgiving Prayer was recorded, I thought a contemporary tribute was in order. Read the rest

Thirty years after William S. Burroughs wrote his "Thanksgiving Prayer" and sadly it's never been more relevant.

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From Glock, makers of fine handguns and honest tweets about America's Thanksgiving roots in pie and lethal force. Read the rest