"Go Away" doormat

The handsome and timely "Go Away" Doormat [Amazon] is made of coconut fibers and described as "environmentally" friendly if not particularly friendly in other respects. As death's hand knocks louder, however, you might want to segue to more assertive messaging with the "Fuck Off" Doormat. [h/t Rusty] Read the rest

Tactical toilet paper

Wipe away the coronapocalypse in stealthy style with Renova black toilet paper [Amazon], your everyday carry for the virus crisis. With 140 "very soft and absorbent" 3-ply sheets per 100% virgin pulp roll, you'll make short work of shite for the next few weeks — all without having to fight the army of doomshoppers raiding the tissue aisles daily at Target and Costco. Read the rest

Artisanal plastic crates

Congratulations, shoppers! You can order plastic crates in beautiful pastel colors at significantly inflated prices. Available in large, medium or small. [Goodhoodstore via dieworkwear]

These look very similar indeed to similarly pricey pastel crates on Amazon, being sold under randomly-generated brand names like SHINEME and MUYOZZ. At the New York Times, John Hermann recently wrote about this bizarre new branding trend: All Your Favorite Brands, From BSTOEM to ZGGCD. Read the rest

Fancy banana lamp

Would you just look at the $295 Seletti Banana Lamp [Bergdorf Goodman]. Read the rest

Charmin's Forever Roll is the best freestanding toilet roll holder

We received the Charmin Forever Roll with Stand [Amazon] as a joke gift but it has improved the quality of our lives immeasurably due to the sheer enormity of the roll, its portability, and the general improvement in bathroom logistics thereby facilitated. It is the best toilet roll holder.

Essentially, it's a nice metal stand designed to hold the commercial-size toilet rolls that usually go in the boxes mounted in public lavatory stalls. The up-front cost of the stand pays for itself over time because you can buy commercial rolls by the dozen, and in the meantime you won't have to worry about running out of toilet paper, yelling for replacing rolls, shuffling around looking for toilet paper with your pants around your ankles, etc.

Charmin's own Forever Rolls do fit it best, as they have a small-sized tube. But larger-tubed commercial rolls work just fine; they're just not quite as well-balanced or elegant on the tug.

It can also hold normal rolls, of course, or anything else you might want to drape over it, such as newspapers. Read the rest

"Mist showers": a decadent shower that the planet can sustain

The energy budget for a traditional shower for every person on the planet would exceed the entire world's (present-day) supply of wind power: even as we bring more renewables online, the energy consumption for planetary daily hot showers just doesn't pencil out. Read the rest

Buy Banksy's disco ball/riot helmet hanging lamp

Available from Banksy's delightful new homewares shop Gross Domestic Product, the "Met ball" "home entertainment lighting system is made from an old Police riot helmet and approximately 650 little mirrors." It is a limited, signed edition of 15 and sells for £500.00.

The Gross Domestic Product shop will reportedly only be open for business for a couple of weeks as it was created to thwart a stupid trademark claim on the artist's name. Read the rest

Posters that mash up Talking Heads songs with pulp covers and vintage ads

Todd Alcott -- purveyor of "Cultural Mashups" and "Ephemera Set to Music" -- created this incredible set of six posters that mash up vintage ads, pulp covers, and posters with Talking Heads songs, which leaves me both excited at the thought that these will soon grace my walls (they're available as giclee prints ranging in size from 11" wide to 48" wide, at prices from $33 to $300), and enraged that apparently the artist has been eavesdropping on my most deeply held obsessions. Get out of my head, you magnificent, mindreading bastard! Read the rest

Le Creuset announces a line of high-end Star Wars cookwear

French company Le Creuset has announced a line of its signature enameled cast-iron cookwear themed after the Star Wars franchise; it's expensive even by Le Creuset standards, and a few of the pieces are uninspired messes, but the Han Solo in Carbonite roaster ($450), the R2-D2 Mini Cocotte ($30) and the Porg Pie Bird ($25) are positively brilliant. I'm also fond of the Tattoine Dutch oven, but that one isn't even priced and the company is offering an "opportunity to purchase." (via Geekologie) Read the rest

The best Nicolas Cage pillow

After researching dozens of Nicolas Cage-themed pillows, we found that the DoubleUSA Nicolas Cage Rainbow pillow [Amazon] is the best option for most users. Featuring two-sided high-definition printing, a hidden zipper and a contemplative yet intense Nicolas Cage, it offers a whimsical 20x30" dose of hypoallergenic polyester.

HIGH DEFINITION – The Most Advanced Printing Technology Ensures The Best Definition Image Of The Pillowcase.

ZIPPER – Hidden Zipper Closure At The Side To Keep Pillow From Sliding Out, And For Style, Comfort And Better Fit.

100% Polyester – Hypoallergenic, Long Staple Yarns Woven in a Sateen Weave Make These Pillowcases Incredibly Soft and Luxurious.

Read the rest

A fireplace that burns proprietary logs

Hearthcabinet's "Ventless Fireplaces" use "pre-filled alcohol gel cartridges" -- that is, proprietary logs. When Drew quizzed the company's reps about this on Facebook, they danced around the question, but yeah, it's proprietary logs all right. The company notes that the design is patented (the founder, a product liability attorney named Michael Weinberger, has many related patents) so presumably this is the firm's primary method to prevent third-party log makers or log refillers. From what I can tell, there aren't any digital countermeasures that would allow the manufacturers to invoke other anti-adversarial interoperability measures like the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act or Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. And as clever as the design may be, it is yet another example of the rising tide of proprietary, single-use consumables, from Juicero juicers (RIP) to proprietary coffee pods. 8-packs of replacement logs sell for $80-$93with options for "unscented, vanilla, pine and cinnamon." (Image: Hearthcabinet) Read the rest

Giant crab summer quilt

Say goodbye to sweaty, kosher nights with this $40 Crab Summer Quilt made out of machine washable polyester fiber that is nevertheless billed as "moisture absorbing" and "breathable" -- and prohibited in Leviticus 11-9-12. (via Crazy Abalone) Read the rest

Coffee cups made from coffee grounds

Back in 2011, I bought a new countertop made from "Curface," a composite material made from a mix of melted down used coffee cups and coffee grounds; we still have it and it's wearing beautifully -- you can treat it like solid wood, sanding off imperfections and oiling it back up to a shine; or you can treat it like a polymer and treat it with waxes like Turtle Wax for a durable finish. Read the rest

Star Wars-themed furniture to furnish your Tardis with

Na-nu, na-nu fellow trekkies! The Kenneth Cobonpue Star Wars Collection features Dark Side-themed chairs and end-tables, a wookie "rocking stool" (hot tip: ask for a sample before you get the whole stool!), and the standout, a powder-coated metal light-saber-battle lamp in two sizes. Read the rest

Terminator bookends and tankard

The bookends ($79) are the clear winner here, but the robot hand tankard ($58) is pretty sweet too; they're made of painted resin (with a stainless steel insert in the tankard), pre-order now for July shipping. (via Geekologie) Read the rest

Review: American Standard 735125-400.020 Toilet Tank Lid

Functional yet curiously suspect

Skull fence-toppers for your haunt or garden

The Build Cave is a California-based prop-maker whose Etsy store is focused on decor for haunters with an emphasis on haunted, vintage elevators (!!), and which includes these delightful resin skull fence-toppers designed to be affixed to PVC pipe verticals and painted; they're $95/dozen. (via Creepbay) Read the rest

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