Marco Rubio's recent rant on socialism accidentally proved Marx right

In April 2019, the Hard Times (my personal favorite satire site) posted a piece titled, "I Was Brainwashed by the Liberal Media. Then I Saw a Video of a Man Ranting Alone in a Truck."

If you've somehow been fortunate enough to avoid this trend, I can assure you: truck rants are a whole sub-genre unto themselves.

And just the other day, Florida Senator Marco Rubio offered his own contribution to the genre:

Aside from the fact that Rubio was engaged in potential illegal behavior by transmitting data while driving a motor vehicle, his understanding of Marxism is also questionable at best. "At the core of democratic socialism is Marxism," he explains:

At the core of Marxism is this fake offer that if you turn over more of your individual freedom, we're going to provide you security, we're going to provide you free health care, we're going to provide you free education. But the problem is, when they can't deliver on it, or when you're not happy with it, you can't get your freedoms back.

Granted, I haven't read everything that Marx wrote. But in the things I have read, I have yet to find him advocating to "Seize the means of doctor selection." Read the rest

Marco Rubio melts down on Twitter

Let's dispel with this fiction that Marco Rubio knows what he's doing. He doesn't know exactly what he's doing.

The BBC reports on the former Republican presidential candidate's "Twitter tirade" last night, described by one wit as "losing the 2020 New Hampshire primary four years ahead of schedule." Read the rest

Sweaty realdoll Marco Rubio quits Republican race

Thrashed by Donald Trump in today's Florida GOP primary election, Marco Rubio is quitting the race to be the party's pick to run for President. The NYT reports that his youth did him in.

And one crucial shortcoming was out of his control: his youth. Many Republicans were simply unwilling to entrust the presidency to a young first-term senator.

Mr. Rubio’s campaign was a cycle of high hopes and dashed expectations. He finished an unexpectedly strong third in the Iowa caucuses, only to be embarrassed in a debate three days before the New Hampshire primary, consigning him to fifth place . He came in second to Mr. Trump in South Carolina, then was y to be all but wiped out in the Super Tuesday contests 10 days later

Nope. Read the rest

In wake of Trump slump, fans nurse conspiracy theories

You knew it would happen: Trump barely beating Rubio for second place in the Iowa Republican Caucus means that something must be up. The Washington Post reports on the conspiracy theories emerging from Cruz's unexpected victory. Top of the list: Microsoft, a major Rubio donor.

theorists pointed to failures of the Microsoft system during the night as evidence that something was funky. Because if Microsoft wanted to turn a 10 into a 20 on behalf of its favored candidate, it would need to shut down the system to do so.

By far the weirdest part of the conspiracy theory, though, is that Rubio still came in third. Rubio was predicted to come in third; Rubio came in third by less than was predicted. The theory appears to be that Microsoft switched votes from Trump to Rubio to make Trump not come in first -- but then why does that help Microsoft if they want Rubio to win? "Momentum," colorful eggs on Twitter reply, willfully ignoring that Rubio had momentum before Microsoft theoretically intervened.

The #MicrosoftRubioFraud hastag is a blast. Read the rest

WATCH: The GOP primary debate, songified

"We Need Brain" is a quotation from Donald Trump at last night's GOP presidential primary debate, and it's the title of the songified version by the Gregory Brothers. Worth watching just for the GIF-able clips like these: Read the rest