The video below shows a customer in a vehicle at a Burger King drive-through window. The restaurant is clearly ablaze, with smoke billowing from the roof and fire alarms shrieking. Staff, who have evacuated the building, call for her to move away from the burning structure. The customer demands a refund.

MAN EMPLOYEE: "Is anyone still inside?"

WOMAN EMPLOYEE: "Move! It's on fire!"

CUSTOMER (emerging from car): "I don't give a fuck! I just moved! Now give me my money! That's what I'm asking for!"

MAN EMPLOYEE: *Incoherent anguish*

CUSTOMER: "Y'all were just laughing in there. Now you come out here and act all serious? You're fucking stupid!"

MAN EMPLOYEE: [*further incoherent anguish*] stupid motherfucker.

CUSTOMER: You ... this is why you work at Burger King. That's why you work at Burger King making $13 an hour homes!

Exeunt right. Read the rest

I took a Shared Lyft home the other night, rather than waiting for the bus. There were two other passengers in the car when I got in — a woman in the backseat, and a man in the front. The man was dropped off first, about a mile from my own place. And as soon as he got out of the car, the inside filled up with one of the worst-smelling farts I've ever experienced in my life. I looked around the car, but neither the woman, nor the man driving, seemed to respond to this wretched scent.

So I tweeted about it.

Hi @Lyft how do I report the shared passenger on this ride who just let rip the hugest grossest fart right as he got out of the car

— This Is Not A Thom Dunn T-Shirt (@thomdunn) January 31, 2020

To be clear, I wasn't trying to be a narc; I was just a little buzzed, and I thought it was funny. But as the saying goes, "The road to Hell is paved with jokes on Twitter."

To their credit, Lyft responded. And to my surprise, they were surprisingly helpful.

Thank you for letting us know. We're still happy to look into this with the date and time of the ride and a description of the other rider. Please send us a DM with the phone number, email address, and full name associated with your Lyft account. We're happy to help! https://t.co/SXpdictw1A

— Ask Lyft (@AskLyft) January 31, 2020

We moved the conversation to DMs, and I shared some details on the ride. Read the rest

Not surprisingly, getting a reservation at the hottest Manhattan restaurants is easier if you're rich, famous, an influencer, a media bigshot, or all of those things. But even within the realm of restaurant reservation phone lines, there is a hierarchy of velvet ropes. According to former reservationist Foster Kamer, at his job the people calling were placed into one of the following four groups. There is also the PAB (Punk-ass bitch) group that included individuals known in the restaurant scene to be rude, bad tippers, or always late for their reservation. From Gossamer:

No Status PROFILE: Plebes. Normies. In binary, zeroes. The largest of the four groups. On average, well over half the calls. Almost never got what they wanted. Almost always pissed.

PX (or: Person Extraordinaire) PROFILE: Magazine editors and food writers, gallerinas, flacks, fashion girls, low-D-to-mid-C-list celebrities. Sometimes got what they wanted. Often felt they deserved better. Often annoyed.

PPX PROFILE: A rare, exotic bird. Important. Memorable. At least one person in the restaurant knows who they are on sight, sound, or name. An A-to-high-B list actor, editor in chief or of note, a Times writer or Page Six gossip, a novelist, artist, or top-tier chef. Tina Brown, Graydon Carter, a Gosling, a Hemsworth, a Bushnell, a Rushdie, or (groan) a McInerney. Maybe a regular or neighbor. But mostly, bona fide celebrities. Maybe 10 percent of the calls. Usually got whatever they wanted.

PPPX PROFILE: The 99th percentile. Royalty. No, really: actual, literal royalty. Wills and Harry. People who only need first names: Anna, Bono, Hillary, et al.

Starbucks has apologized after two Riverside County sheriff's deputies reported that baristas ignored them when they waited to place an order. This comes just a couple weeks after an Oklahoma Starbucks employee was fired for printing the word "PIG" on a police officer's hot chocolate order label (above). And back in July, a Starbucks barista in Tempe, Arizona requested that six cops leave the store because their presence made a customer "not feel safe." From CNN:

(Of the Riverside County incident,) Starbucks spokesman Reggie Borges told CNN the deputies were ignored for nearly five minutes -- and there's no excuse for that.

"We are deeply sorry and reached out to apologize directly to them. We take full responsibility for any intentional or unintentional disrespect shown to law enforcement on whom we depend every day to keep our stores and communities safe," Borges said.

The deputies were "laughed at" and "completely ignored," (Riverside County Sheriff Chad) Bianco said in a video. "They tried to get served, they asked if anyone was going to help them," he said.

Eventually, they left, Bianco said.

The president of a company called Pooch Patch, which sells tiny patches of grass meant for dogs to do their business on, was not pleased when one of his customers, Vanessa, returned the product. Rather than give her a refund, he emailed her and called her "Fatty McFat-Fat."

This was after she wrote a negative review about the product on Google. The president, who signs his letters "Adam & Shanks (The Border Terrier) told Vanessa that he looked at photos of her online and that he thinks she's chubby.

"Looking a little chubs in that profile photo!!!"

When she told him she reported him to Consumer Protection Canada he said, "lol Ooo so scared chubby wubby. I reported you to Jenny Craig."

Vanessa then got a threatening legal letter, but when she researched the lawyer, Alyssa Steiner, she realized there was no such licensed lawyer in Ontario.

When Global News contacted Pooch Patch for a response, their first reply was "Hahahahahhha hahahahahahah. I'm dying. This is pure gold. Pure gold!..." But later a manager tried to wiggle out of their outrageous behavior by pointing to the call center in India that they use. Customer service at its finest. Read the rest

When something goes wrong with a product you own or a service you pay for, it's reasonable to expect quick, effective customer service from the company responsible for whatever it is that's giving you trouble. Read the rest

[NSFW: violence] This man's suffering is not a joke. United customer service is a joke. Background.

(United parody logo by @skolanach) Read the rest

United Airlines offered passengers $800 to skip an overbooked flight: there were enough seats for the paying ticketholders, but not for several United employees who wanted to travel with the plane. With no takers, they started picking people at random to eject. Read the rest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48MRT4i3c94

A T-Mobile customer in Florida drove her SUV into the store, smashing through the front window and coming to a stop deep in the showroom. Then she emerged from her disabled vehicle, hefted a broken window frame, and smashed a display.

"What is wrong with her?" calls out an unseen observer.

According to witnesses who spoke to WPFB News, she was upset by the store's employees.

It's unclear if the woman was arrested. Palm Spring Police Department has not commented on the incident. T-Mobile representatives referred WPBF 25's questions to police, but did say no one was injured in this incident.