Costco is giving new meaning to "cutting the cheese" by offering five-tiered artisan wedding "cakes" made of 24 pounds of fancy fromage. Each one is estimated to serve between 105-150 lactose-tolerant guests.

These literal cheese cakes are packed by Massachusetts-based cheesemongers Sid Wainer & Son and are made of five different gourmet wheels: Red Leicester, Danish Blue, Murcia al Vino (a "drunken goat cheese"), Tuscan Sheep’s Cheese, and Brillat Savarin Triple Cream Brie. Couples who say "I do" to these non-traditional low-carb cakes will need to kick down $440 (which is roughly the same cost of its sugar-laden equivalent).

Floral adornments and crackers are sold separately. And, some assembly is required:

via Simplemost Read the rest

Look closer at this charming Hawaiian shirt, sold as the Apocaloha!—exclamation point included. If zombies ripping apart Magnum, P.I. and other haoles in an apocalyptic scene appeals to you, this is the shirt for you.

Read the rest

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, being juvenile can pay off. Two brothers have proven this. They've been humorously scribbling on baseball cards since they were kids and now it's landed them a book deal. As children of the 80s, Beau and Bryan Abbott spent their allowance on their baseball card only to discover the collection wasn't worth the cardstock it was printed on. Instead of dumping the long boxes full of cards, the then-elementary-aged boys started "enhancing" them with Sharpies in "endlessly shameless and shameful attempts at making one another laugh." This continued until high school when they stopped for a while.

Mashable (link mine):

Then, while Beau was at the San Francisco Art Institute, Bryan sent Beau a care package with a bunch of newly vandalized baseball cards. Beau showed his fellow students and professors and the cards became a big hit.

Their popular Tumblr has been around since 2012, their Instagram is gaining some traction, and now their first book is coming out in early March. Baseball Card Vandals: Over 200 Decent Jokes on Worthless Cards! can be pre-ordered now for $12.76. You can also purchase individual cards directly from the Abbott brothers ($35 and up).

(RED) Read the rest

Teslas now have built-in "whoopie cushions" thanks to a new firmware update. The vehicles can now make farting noises on demand or by use of a turn signal with what they're cheekily calling, "Emissions Testing Mode." Jalopnik reports there are seven flatulence sounds to choose from -- "Not a Fart, Short Shorts Rapper, Falcon Heavy, Ludicrous Fart, Neurastink, Boring Fart, and what seems to be a fart randomizer."

There are two other bizarre Easter eggs in this update: Romance Mode and Pole Position. The former provides a virtual fireplace and the latter is a retro-modern version of the old school racing video game.

Hopped in my @Tesla this morning and was delighted to find “romance mode” and a drop-down list of juicy, on demand fart noises, that can be triggered with a wheel click or turn signal.

The best keeps getting better.

Thanks @elonmusk and team! pic.twitter.com/L6HGX8w2cs

— Kevin Pereira (@Attack) December 19, 2018

Jalopnik: Tesla Introduces 'Romance Mode' and On-Demand Fart Noises Because Tesla Is About Making the World Better

(Geekologie)

screenshot via RM Videos/YouTube Read the rest

This week, on the same day, I had not one but two friends tell me about designer Sonia Harris' "swearing patterns." Of course, I instantly became a fan. Her hidden-in-plain-sight patterns are subversive yet perfectly understated.

For example, this t-shirt's design appears to be a fancy mandala at first glance. But look closer and you'll see the words "Insufferable Wanker" cleverly incorporated into the pattern. (Ms. Harris, you get me.)

She got started drawing the patterns (using an iOS app called Amaziograph) while she was going through treatment for breast cancer, writing that swearing is a meditation for her:

Despite my desire to create and soothe myself with art, I was also very angry at the bad luck of having spent decades dealing with pain from endometriosis only to get breast cancer just as I thought there was an end to it. The disgusting effects of the treatment, the frightening and painful experiences kept on coming... Hence my patterns contained a lot of profanity. I wanted to swear and I needed to swear. If I could have, I’d have been shouting those profanities from the rooftops! But I had no strength to raise my voice or even stomp around, so that left my drawings. I could write down an exclamation of disgust, carefully and lovingly so that seeing it gave me strength, reminded me that I have a voice and I am still alive. Seeing the repetition of my words and patterns calmed me, the inherent beauty of them made me feel in harmony with life again and able to rest.

I'm feeling sad for humanity. "Selfie wrist" is a thing.

According to CBSNewYork, San Francisco doctor Levi Harrison is seeing a rise in an injury caused by "hyper-flexing your wrist inwards to capture the perfect selfie angle."

“Selfie wrist” can reportedly cause numbness and a tingling sensation that people feel in their fingers and wrists.

(DesignTaxi)

photo by Susanne Nilsson/Flickr Read the rest

Macaulay Culkin's middle name is currently "Carson." But, starting in 2019, it will be "Macaulay Culkin," as in Macaulay 'Macaulay Culkin' Culkin.

The Home Alone actor has been polling his fans on what his new middle name should be. The other choices were "Shark Week," "Kieran" (his younger brother's name), "TheMcRibisBack," and "Publicity Stunt." Ultimately his fans went with the meta choice of his own first and last name.

On Christmas day he made the big announcement.

Merry Christmas to me, from all of you!

My new middle name has been chosen. You voted and the winner is clear.

In 2019 my new legal name will be:

Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin.

It has a nice ring to it (if you like my name).#MerryChristmas

— Macaulay Culkin (@IncredibleCulk) December 25, 2018

Keep it quirky, Culkin!

Recently: 38-year-old Macaulay Culkin is Home Alone again in this fun ad

Related: Did you know that the black-and-white gangster film ("Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!') in Home Alone was created for specifically for the movie? It's not a vintage flick at all!

My entire childhood, I thought the old timey movie that Kevin watches in Home Alone (Angels With Filthy Souls) was actually an old movie.

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) December 25, 2018

(COS) Read the rest

Remember earlier this week when Trump asked a child over the phone, "Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at seven it's marginal, right?"? Who could forget?!

Well, the parents of seven-year-old Collman Lloyd of Lexington, South Carolina (a girl -- it had been reported the child was a boy) filmed her talking with the President:

And, the AP reports that Collman had never heard the word "marginal" before.

Collman had called the NORAD Tracks Santa program Monday night to check on Santa’s journey delivering toys. In an interview with the Post and Courier of Charleston, she said the scientist who answered the NORAD phone asked her if she would like to speak to the president.

Six minutes later, Trump was on the line. “Are you still a believer in Santa?” Trump asked. When she responded, “Yes, sir,” the president added, “Because at 7, that’s marginal, right?”

Collman didn’t know what “marginal” meant and simply answered, “Yes, sir.” Trump closed by saying, “Well, you just enjoy yourself.”

(VICE) Read the rest

This is quite the feat. Twitter user @pilotviruet's mom crocheted them a playable Monopoly game blanket. Color me impressed!

hello, please look at this giant blanket my mom crocheted for me!!! pic.twitter.com/TTRQwJAmnZ

— pilot! (@pilotviruet) December 27, 2018

Read the rest

These "Delete my Browser History" medic alert bracelets are making the rounds again and some say they can be a hassle for first responders and other emergency medical professionals.

This redditor, who works in the medical field, made this plea back in 2015:

...I work in healthcare and emergency medicine. Some people are going to call me a stick in the mud or say I have no sense of humor. I assure you that I do however there is a time and a place. Here’s what I want to say to (scream at) people:

Wearing a joke or novelty medic alert bracelet in your everyday life is NOT funny, it is stupid and causes grief to the people who are trying to save you. ...I can't tell you the number of people we've had wearing ones saying things like ‘Delete my browser history’, ‘Format my hard drive’, ‘I’m probably just shitfaced’ or ‘Blood type: Coors Light/Jack Daniels/alcohol of your choice’. Stop. Just stop. When first responders are checking you and they see one everything stops. They don’t know if you’re allergic to a certain medication, or can’t have needles in one arm, or whatever else. It’s precious time they could be using to save your life. It’s even worse when you come to the ER under your own power and insist on making the staff look at it while they are treating you. Today a group of guys were brought into the ER unconscious after their car rolled over (they’re okay) All 5 of them had medic alert bracelets.

Here we go again. This Sesame Street sound bite is being called the new Yanny/Laurel. Read the rest

Pink paper towels, a lampshade covered in hair-dye sample swatches, and a fake glass of white wine from Japan are just a few of the eclectic things you'll find in Amy Sedaris' rabbit-nibbled one-bedroom Greenwich Village apartment. New York Magazine's Design Editor Wendy Goodman got a tour of Sedaris' delightful home despite not bringing a gift. Read the rest

Got someone you need bumped off for the holidays? Better start baking.

The Real Santa was directed by Robert O'Twomney who was inspired to create the short by a thread he started on reddit's r/WritingPrompts.

He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He can bypass any security system in the world and escape. Santa sounds like the world’s most deadly assassin, if the kid can meet his price.

Thanks, Marcia! Read the rest

I don't know if there's a special term for videos that have had their audio swapped but Marci Robin has got it dialed in. She's taken snippets of popular movies and music videos and set them to new music. The results are impressive.

... but it’s also pretty great with Starship’s “We Built This City.” pic.twitter.com/ja5dhGNVcx

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 24, 2018

Just FYI, I put The Doobie Brothers’ “What a Fool Believes” over @ladygaga’s “Bad Romance” video and I’m very pleased with the results. pic.twitter.com/lmwil8teEf

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

Oh — and Heart’s “Barracuda” over Psy’s “Gangnam Style” video. pic.twitter.com/XoWXlMGeq4

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

Please enjoy Christopher Walken dancing to both @tmbg’s “Birdhouse in Your Soul”... pic.twitter.com/twsF2f5iWi

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

OK fine, here’s another. I replaced Salt-n-Pepa’s “Push It” with Captain & Tennille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together.” Let’s see if they notice. pic.twitter.com/I7kDwyvqxe

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

OK, folks, got a few more for you tonight, starting with this one because it’s @Ceejness’s favorite and it’s his birthday: “Mocking Bird” over the dance scene in Ex Machina. EX MACHINGBIRD??? pic.twitter.com/ZFQrow3vxX

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 24, 2018

Uh... @barrymanilow’s “Copacabana” over @vanillaice’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rap? pic.twitter.com/xZPA1Cr64K

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

Behold: @peeweeherman dancing to @JamiroquaiHQ’s “Virtual Insanity.” pic.twitter.com/Jypbsg004A

— Marci Robin (@MarciRobin) December 23, 2018

And here’s @MIAuniverse’s “Paper Planes” in Guys & Dolls, because obviously.

A video of Baltimore-based rapper and producer HAZMATCAZ impersonating Siri is making the rounds, and for good reason -- it's uncanny!

Listen:

So last night I met the human form of Siri😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/x3nC4XNile

— єяıṅ (@Erinie_DaBest) December 22, 2018

And for those of you who think it's faked, here's a video of her explaining her (no longer) hidden talent:

🤦🏻‍♀️😂 pic.twitter.com/QHvGnqpgCV

— ✨✨✨CAZ✨✨✨ (@HAZMATCAZZ) December 22, 2018

Read the rest

John Eldredge of St. Petersburg, Florida writes in a Facebook Marketplace listing that he made this lifesize Santa in Carbonite for a sci-fi Christmas party. But the party's over and Santa must go. $200.

Light settings are adjustable to flash at different speeds or not at all. Made with wood, clothes and a lot of hot glue! It's basically a craft and not a precision model, but looks cool. Side panels are made with cosplay foam. Unit is pretty light and stands about 6.5 ft. tall.

photo via John Eldredge/Facebook

(Nerdcore) Read the rest

An unidentified local news station celebrated the 50th wedding anniversary of couple "Max and Geraldine Bailey" during a "Birthdays & Anniversaries" segment, except that they showed a picture of actor Mickey Rourke and Guns N' Roses' Axl Rose instead.

Twitter user @KatlynNoelle88 caught the prank on camera:

WHO DID THIS?!?! 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/DW3tTMbtDs

— Katlyn (@KatlynNoelle88) December 21, 2018

That photo of Rourke and Rose was taken at a boxing match in Los Angeles earlier this month and garnered reactions like these:

No, these are not two retired school teachers waiting for their grandkids dance recital to begin while their husbands find parking.

This is Mickey Rourke and Axl Rose at a boxing match in LA over the weekend. pic.twitter.com/1cooQ4Fed9

— John Cardillo (@johncardillo) December 11, 2018

Mickey Rourke and Axl Rose look Katie Hopkins and Mama Fratelli from the Goonies pic.twitter.com/UIWuNDTem4

— Jesse Cooper (@JesseRCooper) December 13, 2018

Mickey Rourke and Axl Rose look like your Aunt and Uncle from Texas just showed up for Christmas dinner. pic.twitter.com/ShtwKiHSAU

— VisuallyBetter (@Isuckatpicking) December 11, 2018

(Consequence of Sound)

screenshot via KatlynNoelle88 Read the rest