In case you missed any of the myriad Andrew Cuomo scandals in the last couple of weeks, John Oliver lays it all out here in a biting nutshell (starts at :30). From the "famously unpleasant" New York governor's outrageous decision to send Covid-19 patients into nursing homes to accusations of sexual harassment from two former aides – not to mention quotes Cuomo made up and a cringe-y vaccination stunt mixed in for good measure – Oliver blasts the "colossal asshole" with a bulleted list of Cuomo's disgraceful wrongdoings in under four minutes. In the process, he asks, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
It's not clear if the dog purposely rides the deck like a Slip 'N Slide, or if this is an accident, but it's amusing either way. Once the dog has all four paws back on the ground, it hops on the deck again, casually this time, as if nothing ever happened.
When it comes to peanut butter, are you in the crunchy or smooth camp? Depending on your answer, PB brand Jif has determined a couple of important facts about you.
After working with OnePoll to conduct a survey asking 2,000 PB junkies (half crunchy fans, half creamy fans) about their peanut butter passions, and also some personal traits, they used hard science (tongue in cheek) to come up with these takeaways:
• Crunchy fans tend to be more optimistic than creamy fans. They are likely to be night owls – and extroverts.
• Conversely, creamy fans are more likely to be early birds – and more introverted. They also feel more judged by their preference than crunchy fans. In fact, 68% have felt pressured to pick crunchy so as not to be judged!
Nearly half of all respondents said when dating someone, it would be a deal-breaker to find out their date was in the other camp. And most importantly, both camps prefer grape jelly over strawberry.
Ted Cruz gave a speech at this year's Conservative Political Action Conference, and came off sounding like an angry comedian at an after-hours bar. In a growling voice, he shouts his truths, including how Cancún is even better than Orlando; how masks are "dumb," how the 2nd amendment makes Houston safe from rioters, and how Trump is here to stay.
These twitter clips are already more than I want to stomach, but here is the long version for anyone who enjoys this genre of horror:
After a year living with a pandemic that requires us to wear a mask in order to stay safe, this woman waltzed into a grocery store without a mask. When asked by the cashier to put one on, she doesn't miss a beat, sticking an arm up her skirt and whipping out a pair of black thong panties. She then proceeds to wear the used underwear over her face. The defiance of coming in without a mask, paired with the determined ease and "quick thinking" of this mask "solution," makes it seem like Karen had pre-planned this stunt. One customer can be heard saying "the bacteria on the mask is less than her knickers."
If there was any question about former House Speaker John Boehner and Senator Ted Cruz's relationship, Boehner just answered it. While recording the audio of On the House: A Washington Memoir, his new book, Boehner went off script with a fresh new line: "Oh, and Ted Cruz, go fuck yourself."
Boehner, who once called Cruz "Lucifer in the flesh," half jokes that his "expletives" can be blamed on the liquid courage, er, wine:
The audio version, which includes an even heftier price tag of $39.99, will be sprinkled with Boehner's unfiltered, baritone, inner monologue.
Similar to the cover — where he's pictured in a dark room, drinking red wine with a cigarette burning in an ashtray — Boehner has been taping his audiobook with a glass of wine in hand.
And it's not just the one slip-off-the-script line about Ted Cruz that makes it into the book's audio. According to Axios, "'I can confirm there were some off-script moments during his recording of the audiobook,' Boehner spokesman David Schnittger said. 'He pretty much just let it fly, as he did when he was working on the book itself. He's not really interested in being anything other than himself these days. That is kind of the spirit of the entire project.'"
This isn't the first time John Boehner has told a colleague to go fuck themselves. He once told former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to do the same thing:
Image by: Gage Skidmore / Flickr
Rep. Marie Newman responds to Marjorie Taylor Greene's anti-transgender sign with this takeaway: "She's welcome to her sign. No one is buying it, and it's not science."
Greene hung her sign on the wall across from Newman's office yesterday after Newman had put up a transgender pride flag in the same hall. Newman, whose daughter is transgender, was inspired to put up the flag after Greene had opposed the Equality Act. In case you missed the anti-transgender sign incident:
Watch this astounding Ukranian circus performer, Veronica Histova, hop up 9 steps with only one arm. Part of the fun, besides her incredible strength and ability, is watching her costume morph once she's upside down. The video was shot by Ludmila Nosenko, who posted this on her Instagram page.
From Woo Globe:
In this clip, Veronica can be seen preparing for the Youth Circus Festival in Weisbaden (Germany) by performing a mind-bending one-arm steps-jumping trick. The mask between her legs and the way she is using her legs to wave to the crowd make it look as if she is jumping up the steps on one leg and not one arm.
Should taxpayers subsidize poverty wages at large profitable corporations? That is the question of today's Senate Budget hearing, and Bernie Sanders, speaking as Chairman of the Senate Budget Committee, is in top form as he calls Walmart the "largest welfare recipient" in the United States. "Walmart made over $15 billion in profit last year alone, and yet … Walmart pays wages so low that tens of thousands of their employees are forced to rely on public assistance in order to survive."
Here is a longer clip:
Snake catcher Luke Huntley obviously loves his job. After catching a venomous red-bellied black snake in a Queensland, Australia attic while balancing on narrow beams (which were surrounded by flooring), he smiles widely and says, "Beautiful! That was so much fun. That was the most fun I've had catching a snake in ages." Although in the video he estimates the snake's length to be 4 1/2 feet, he later tells Yahoo! that it was five feet long.
Red-bellied black snakes are typically 4.1-feet in length, according to Wikipedia.
Julie Nolke, known for her comedic three-part "Explaining the Pandemic to My Past Self" videos, puts into focus the most irritating thing about sweeping – the stubborn line of dust that never makes it into the dustpan. With Charlie Chaplin-style humor, this short mostly silent video is in a different style than most of Nolke's work, and I hope we see more from her like this.
After Rep. Marie Newman (D), whose office is across the hall from Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q), tweeted a video Wednesday of herself putting up a transgender pride flag (strategically placed so that Greene would see it every time she opened her door), Greene shot back with a sign that says, 'There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE. 'Trust The Science.'"
Newman, whose daughter is transgender, had put up the flag "in protest over Greene's opposition to a LGBTQ rights bill," according to NBC News.
From NBC News:
Earlier in the day, Greene attempted to block the legislation, which is set for consideration Thursday, with a motion to adjourn. She tweeted that the move was "to give every Member of Congress time to rethink destroying #WomensRights and #WomensSports and #ReligiousFreedom before voting for the #EqualityAct!"
According to the bill's sponsor, Rep. David Cicilline, D-R.I., the bill would amend existing federal civil rights laws and prohibit "discrimination against members of the LGBTQ community in the areas of employment, education, credit, jury service, federal funding, housing, and public accommodations." …
Greene tweeted, "As mothers, we all love and support our children. But your biological son does NOT belong in my daughters' bathrooms, locker rooms, and sports teams."
Later in the day, tweets from other lawmakers weighed in:
When Ben Meiselas of the Meidas Touch Podcast tried to watch the Sunday news, he says "it was like a fucking Greatest Hits of all the Big Lie Trump supporters who all of the mainstream media brought on and basically let them spew these lies unchecked."
Meiselas says he's all for the media sharing the views of the QAnon-inspired far-right, "but if you want to have the crazy views … you gotta say, 'Excuse me, sir! Let me interrupt you there." And then when said crazy-thinker tries to interject with delusional Newspeak, you have to say, "No, no, shut the fuck up!"
He proceeds to explain exactly how the media should prepare for and deal with GQP guests – which is probably a lot easier said than done.
A casino in Washington state owned by the Cowlitz Indian Tribe celebrated the opening of a car garage by racing two delicious-looking cars, and set two Guinness World Records for fastest edible vehicles in the process. The replica Formula One cars were each 91% cake (12 layers). Michael Andretti drove the winning (white) car, which sped along at 17.08 mph and traveled 349.81 feet, while the black car was driven by his father, Mario Andretti. The race was then celebrated by slicing and eating up the cars.
Sometimes the line between reality and parody is so blurred it nearly disappears. For instance, take this clever "pandemic of voting" ad aired on The Daily Show last night. "There is a pandemic sweeping our nation – the pandemic of voting," it begins. And "only Republicans have a plan to stop its spread."
It then highlights the GOP attitude about voting in America – and their efforts to curtail it. "Do you want your kids to grow up in a country where anyone can vote?" the narrator says. The best line is spoken by Lindsey Graham: "If Republicans don't challenge and change the US election system, there will never be another Republican president elected again." While watching this I had to remind myself that this was, indeed, just a parody (kind of).
A car in Livermore, California was hit this morning not by another car, but a plane. Another driver on the road caught the tail end of it on video. According to ABC7, the small plane lost power, made an emergency landing, and crashed into a car, apparently pushing it out of its lane. Fortunately, nobody was injured.