My daughter wants a pink lava lamp, not a machete

As we enter the teen years it appears I have lost my ability to pick the most awesome presents.

I fail to understand how a Lava Lamp is more exciting than a machete. It is likely more affordable.

Regardless, I am not going to force the kid to play with a machete. Enjoy your lamp!

Schylling 2121-4002 Pink/Purple 14.5" Classic Motion Lava(r) Lamp Silver, 20-Ounce via Amazon Read the rest

Super Mario Valentine's Day Card

Nothing says "I love you" more than a greeting card featuring a indefatigable, tube-crawling plumber with a shroom-habit. Get this Hallmark Nintendo Super Mario Valentine's Day Card for Significant Other on Amazon for just [amazon_link asins='B07HSKCLNM' template='PriceLink' store='boingboing' marketplace='US' link_id='6f1885d0-c9ba-45f0-9757-aa245df73f0f']. Read the rest

JBL's Go 2 pocket bluetooth speaker is the perfect last-minute stocking stuffer

Though I keep buying the damned things, I've never liked any of the portable bluetooth (or airplay) speakers I've gotten: they're all too large, too daft, too boofy or too tinny, too fancy, too hinky. So when I was handed the JBL Go 2, my mind immediately turned to regifting it. I'm glad I didn't, though, because it's perfect. It's the right size, it's cheap, it works, it's waterproof, it can survive a drop, it doesn't look stupid, and it sounds good.

That something with such basic and useful function hits all these notes makes it a perfect last-minute stocking stuffer. It's straightforward enough for technophobes, but even hard-to-shop-for gadget lovers will dig it as a no-nonsense EDC sidearm. If you order it today, it'll arrive before Christmas, at least on Amazon Prime. They're at Best Buy too, but only in black.

The power switch, volume and pairing controls are embossed on the metallic rubbery finish, while the the non-waterproof AUX and USB ports are hidden under a flap. I got about 5 hours of playback on a charge. The box is about three inches square and an inch deep. It fits in my jean pockets but packed a good, bassy punch.

The only thing I don't like is the big white JBL logo painted all over it. Annoyingly, while it comes in white, the logo is then dark gray.

JBL Go 2 [Amazon]

JBL Go 2 [Best Buy] Read the rest

Charmin's Forever Roll is the best freestanding toilet roll holder

We received the Charmin Forever Roll with Stand [Amazon] as a joke gift but it has improved the quality of our lives immeasurably due to the sheer enormity of the roll, its portability, and the general improvement in bathroom logistics thereby facilitated. It is the best toilet roll holder.

Essentially, it's a nice metal stand designed to hold the commercial-size toilet rolls that usually go in the boxes mounted in public lavatory stalls. The up-front cost of the stand pays for itself over time because you can buy commercial rolls by the dozen, and in the meantime you won't have to worry about running out of toilet paper, yelling for replacing rolls, shuffling around looking for toilet paper with your pants around your ankles, etc.

Charmin's own Forever Rolls do fit it best, as they have a small-sized tube. But larger-tubed commercial rolls work just fine; they're just not quite as well-balanced or elegant on the tug.

It can also hold normal rolls, of course, or anything else you might want to drape over it, such as newspapers. Read the rest

The Loch Ness Ladle is real

I'm not usually one for gimmicky kitchen gadgets but OTOTO's Nessie Ladle is cryptozoological comedy genius. Also available as a Sweet Nessie Spoon! (Amazon)

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Norway gifts Britain amusingly sparse Christmas tree

Every year, Norway sends Britain an enormous Christmas tree in thanks for kicking out the Nazis, but this year they sent a hilariously sparse, shabby one.

"Britain's most famous Christmas tree" has been branded a turkey over its "sparse" foliage and "anaemic" appearance. ... The British Ambassador to Norway, Richard Wood said: "This is what 90-year-old, 25m trees in the wild look like.

"It is important to consider the symbolism of the tree rather than simply how many branches it has."

Symbolism indeed. Norway isn't even in the EU but it's leading the way for next year's Brexit-themed go fuck yourself gestures from the continent.

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Check out the 2019 Boing Boing Gift Guide

The Boing Boing Gift Guide has a hundred great ideas for stocking stuffers, brain-hammers, mind-expanders, terrific toys and unbelievably good books.

Happy holidays! Read the rest

Sale on the Voyager Golden Record LP and CD sets and The Family Acid: California photobook!

After producing the Voyager Golden Record: 40th Anniversary Edition, my buddy Tim Daly and I launched a record/publishing label, Ozma Records, to publish creative works at the intersection of science, art, music, and consciousness. Today through Monday, we're having a special holiday sale on all of our releases! This is a rare opportunity to save 15% on the Voyager Golden Record 3xLP Box Set, the Voyager Golden Record 2xCD-Book edition, and our new limited photobook The Family Acid: California!

Voyager Golden Record 3xLP Box Set

In 1977, NASA launched two spacecraft, Voyager 1 and 2, on a grand tour of the solar system and into the mysteries of interstellar space. Attached to each of these probes is a golden phonograph record containing a message for any extraterrestrial intelligence that might encounter it, perhaps billions of years from now. Experience the Voyager Record the way it was meant to be played.

• Three translucent gold 140 gram vinyl LPs, containing all of the original Voyager Record audio, in poly-lined paper sleeves • Three heavyweight jackets, gold ink on black • Full-color 96-page softcover book containing all images included on the original Voyager Interstellar Record, gallery of images transmitted back from the Voyager probes, and a new essay by Timothy Ferris, producer of the original golden record • Gold foil print of Voyager Golden Record cover diagram, archival paper, 12" x 12" • Voyager trajectories turntable slipmat, gold ink on black felt • Full-color plastic digital download card for all audio of the Voyager Golden Record (MP3 or FLAC formats) • Housed in a deluxe record box with pull-ribbon, gold ink on black • Includes free Voyager Golden Record diagram pin! Read the rest

8-bit BASIC interpreter mouse mats

There are so many retro-themed merch options out there, but I'm tickled blue by Rhayader Computers's mouse mat designs showing BASIC interpreters from classic 8-bit computers. It seems only the C64 and Amstrad CPC are thusly honored, but there's lots of other well-chosen designs to pick from.

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Tee: You can't fix democracy by turning it off and on again

Cartoonist Phil Foglio (previously) writes, "I designed a cool t-shirt!" They're $22 from Offworld Designs. Read the rest

The best Nicolas Cage pillow

After researching dozens of Nicolas Cage-themed pillows, we found that the DoubleUSA Nicolas Cage Rainbow pillow [Amazon] is the best option for most users. Featuring two-sided high-definition printing, a hidden zipper and a contemplative yet intense Nicolas Cage, it offers a whimsical 20x30" dose of hypoallergenic polyester.

HIGH DEFINITION – The Most Advanced Printing Technology Ensures The Best Definition Image Of The Pillowcase.

ZIPPER – Hidden Zipper Closure At The Side To Keep Pillow From Sliding Out, And For Style, Comfort And Better Fit.

100% Polyester – Hypoallergenic, Long Staple Yarns Woven in a Sateen Weave Make These Pillowcases Incredibly Soft and Luxurious.

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"Human Organ for Transplant" lunchbox

This Emergency Meal Transport Box marked "HUMAN ORGAN FOR TRANSPLANT" is surely just convincing enough to scandalize boomers. Even better, though, is pulling a wet slimy liver from a plastic box with a picture of Voltron on it and flapping it about while yelling "Prep for surgery!". [Amazon] Read the rest

USB half-golfball with one USB port

There's an unlimited wealth of useless USB gadgetry to be acquired, obviously, but something about the USB half-golfball with one USB port [Amazon] posted to Twitter by @foone (whose epic threads about subjects such as "possibly cursed USB adapters" are easily the best thing on Twitter right now) captures the very essence of the genre. I immediately bought one, as it's the perfect gift for an older boomer-age male relative who has never in their life played golf.

Tell me about your conspicuously pointless, low-effort USB gifts in the comments! No prizes for Cuecats. Read the rest

"People To Kill" notebook

Organize the week ahead with this handsome People To Kill notebook from Amazon. With 100 pages to accomodate a frenetic schedule, unlined to allow your deranged handwriting to freely wander the page and to provide space for scratchy, disturbing sketches, the A5-size hardbound book features liquid-resistant metallic lettering for a durable murder journal. Read the rest

The Brain Coat is not a tinfoil hat

Behold the Brain Coat, which is not a tinfoil hat but rather a silver-coated nylon skull cap with ear flaps. It's lightweight, breathable, and claims to be effective at shielding the brain from radio waves while remaining comfortable even if worn with other headgear.

Microwave Shielding Effect: 35 dB at 1-10 GHz Surface resistivity:

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This chocolate Easter egg contains 10 pencil erasers

As Easter approaches, my mind naturally goes to pencil erasers, as I'm sure yours does, too. Why didn't anyone think of this before?

A limited edition, bean to bar craft chocolate Easter egg, handmade by the wonderful Pump Street Chocolate in Suffolk.

Each dark milk chocolate egg houses 10 new & vintage erasers. With 150g+ of chocolate, measuring 17cm in length, this egg will satisfy your appetite & your desk.

Image: Present and Correct Read the rest

Wooden fractal curve puzzles

Martin Raynsford makes beautiful and intricate wooden puzzles with space-filling fractal curves and is kickstartering a set of four.

The pattern is a single line that crosses all of the two dimensional space without ever repeating. The puzzles follow these simple rules to break the line into multiple pieces that are almost identical but are actually unique. The pieces are so similar in style that once they are placed into the puzzle it is hard to see where the pieces are. The puzzles can be tricky to solve even if you have the solution on hand.

The puzzles are made from a high quality 3mm, 6 Ply, BR Grade, Birch Laser Plywood sheet. It shows the natural look of the wood and will have natural colour variations. Each puzzle is 200x200mm in size, the pieces are 3mm thick and the whole puzzle inside the tray is 6mm thick.

For immediate gratification, you can also hit up his Etsy Store; the Cryptex box (Note that it's for PLANS only, you'll need to cut and make it yourself) looks like a great gift for the smartest egg in your family. Read the rest

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