It’s a new year, but it’s sex, fat-shaming and politics as usual in this week’s tabloids.
Meghan Markle is a “shameless sexpot,” rages the National Enquirer, positively shocked – shocked, I tell you – that Prince Harry’s betrothed wore a “daring sheer top” in official photographs. The hussy. An allegedly “stunned” Queen has decreed a makeover, and “called in tutors to spend several hours a day teaching Meghan how to be a real-life Princess.” Sounds like some reporters have been watching too many reruns of The Princess Diaries.
Cameron Diaz is pregnant with a “baby miracle” claims the Enquirer, with photographic proof of her baby bump. Oh, no she isn’t, reports Us magazine, using the same set of photos to demonstrate “Cameron’s heartbreak” at not getting pregnant after her “secret IVF struggle.”
The Globe offers “New Proof Diana Was Murdered!” This word, “proof” – I do not think it means what you think it means. A paramedic who helped transfer the Princess from her wrecked car into an ambulance says “. . . when she was put in the ambulance she was alive – and I expected her to live.” Given the inability of even the best-trained doctor to assess internal injuries, these words of French firefighter Sgt. Xavier Gourmelon hardly count as proof of anything, except his optimism in the face of a horrific car crash.
The tabloids continue aspiring to be a sexed-up version of The Washington Post with further forays into politics. “What Trump’s Tax Cut Means For You!” screams the Globe cover, seemingly oblivious that its low-paid working class demographic are those being screwed the hardest by the president’s gift to America’s top one per cent. Read the rest