Judge orders man not to brag that he threw an iguana at a Perkins restaurant manager

Earlier this year in Painesville, Ohio, police arrested a gentleman after he took out his pet iguana, named Copper, swung her around by her tail, and hurled her at the manager of a Perkins restaurant. Arnold Teeter, 49, pleaded guilty to animal cruelty, resisting arrest, and disorderly conduct. A judge has just sentenced Teeter to 90 days in jail with 77 days suspended, five years of probation, and he must also pay restitution to the Lake Humane Society that cared for Copper who lost part of her tail. But that's not all:

The judge also entered a handful of other stipulations. Tetters is not allowed to publicize about what he did or why he did it. He’s not allowed to seek media attention about the case and he can’t brag about what happened.

"Judge tells man who threw iguana at fellow Painesville Perkins manager to stop bragging about it" (Cleveland.com) Read the rest

Gentleman spikes co-workers' drinks with LSD because they were "too uptight"

A 19-year-old Enterprise Rent-A-Car employee from Missouri decided to unwittingly dose his c0-workers with LSD because they had "negative energy." The employees were hospitalized and the young man was arrested. He should have Timothy Leary's "Two Commandments for the Molecular Age" from his book The Politics of Ecstasy (1968):

Thou shalt not alter the consciousness of thy fellow man Thou shalt not prevent thy fellow man from altering his own consciousness.

Image: Shamanska Kate/Shutterstock Read the rest

Cops are looking for this woman who threw a chair off a highrise balcony

Toronto police are asking the public to help them identify a woman who threw a chair from the balcony of a tall building, where it fell into traffic.

From CBC News:

Toronto police now say the incident took place around 10 a.m. ET on Saturday in the Harbour and York streets area — where there are dozens of condo towers — and that a mischief investigation was launched on Sunday morning.

Police also say in a news release that the suspect threw other items from the balcony that landed near the entrance to another condo building.

Sgt. Ron Boyce told Radio-Canada that police believe the condo is at 55 Bremner Blvd., and said management at the building is working with them.

Read the rest

Ted Cruz whines after Trent Reznor dissed him and insists he didn't "drink all of his beer"

After Trent Reznor dissed Ted Cruz at his Nine Inch Nails concert a few days ago, telling his audience that the "pain-in-the-ass" senator "was bugging to get on the guest list, and I told him to fuck off,” the delicate Texas senator went on the defensive.

"To all the gullible reporters who are “reporting” that I asked to be on the guest list at a Nine Inch Nails concert: uh, no, NIN is not my music taste. He was clearly joking. And for the record, I also didn’t “drink all his beer” the last time...but I would have! #FakeNews

When Spin wrote about Reznor's comments yesterday, they had tried to reach out to Cruz for comments, but he ignored them. If Cruz isn't going to take the opportunity to comment on a story about himself, he should stop whining about "fake news" and "gullible" reporters who are reporting with a video to back them up. If Cruz would think for himself rather than parrot Trump all the time, he'd realize that, whether or not what Reznor said was true, reporting on what the rock star said is not fake news. Read the rest

Gentleman snaps off $1 million sculpture

A man couldn't resist the urge to climb Len Lye's "Water Whirler" sculpture in Wellington, New Zealand earlier this month. To his surprise, the $1 million artwork snapped. In a final act of resistentialism, the sculpture fell on the man while he was in the water, and he was sent to the hospital.

From The New Zealand Herald:

Roger Horrocks, a trustee of The Len Lye Foundation and author of Len Lye's biography, said it was not the first time the iconic sculpture had been damaged.

The foundation had no uptake when it previously recommended Wellington City Council block access to the sculpture. He hoped it would now reconsider.

"A sculpture like that has to be proofed against idiots - total idiots who want to destroy it."

Image: YouTube screenshot Read the rest

Fox News shocked to discover weird new mobile phones got cameras in 'em

It really is UNBELIEVABLE.

Someone get grandpa an Ensure, he's gonna need sustenance to make it through this shocker. Are you sitting down? Okay. Please read on, but only if you are feeling strong enough. Read the rest

Don Jr. does horrible job trying to boost dad's approval rating with obviously Photoshopped graphic

Donald Trump Jr. wanted to brag about his father's approval rating, but the only way to brag about it would be to fudge the numbers, so that's exactly what he did. But not very well.

Junior wanted it to look like Trump's approval rating was better than Barack Obama's at this point in their presidencies, but since that wasn't possible, he took a screengrab of a cable news graphic that compared Trump to Obama, and then Photoshopped a 50% approval rating over Trump's real 40% approval rating so that it beat Obama's 45% approval rating. He did such a botched job that you can actually see 40% trying to hide behind the 50%.

He then put it on Instagram, writing, "“Amazing. I guess there is a magic wand to make things happen and @realdonaldtrump seems to have it. #maga #amreicafirst [sic]”

Yes, fake news is real. Junior kept the ridiculous post up for over 12 hours before it finally disappeared.

Via Think Progress

Top image: DonkeyHotey/Flickr Read the rest

Gentleman shoplifts a drink right before inquiring about a job there

The hilarious running commentary really adds to this idiot's attempt to rip off a store right before asking about working there. Read the rest

Car misses exit and causes two large trucks to flip over, driver doesn't care

You would think this driver who missed his exit would have stopped after causing a truck to flip over.

But even being the cause of two trucks crashing is not enough to make this sociopath think twice about the disastrous consequences of his actions. I have a feeling that, no matter how many trucks crashed, he'd doggedly pursue his goal of driving his car onto the exit ramp. Read the rest

Idiots and their kids almost become dinner on a wild animal preserve

Note: some understandably NSFW language. Watching morons get out of their cars in front of apex predators has become a YouTube genre, but rarely are they stupid enough to walk out in pen fields with their children while in clear view of said predators. Read the rest

Youtuber Logan Paul is really sorry for showing body in Japan's "suicide forest"

Youtube star Logan Paul, who has over 15 million subscribers, decided to entertain his viewers by going to Japan's Aokigahara Forest, a place where over 500 people have committed suicide, and find a dead body to show them. He succeeded, but when people around the world were outraged, he realized the video could be detrimental to his lucrative career shilling for major brands like Pepsi and HBO he took it down. Now he's sorry, so sorry.

No apology yet from Youtube, which added the video to its trending page, helping it get 6 million views before it was pulled.

From The Washington Post:

The now-deleted video was titled, "We found a dead body in the Japanese Suicide Forest . . .", and that is, more or less, exactly what the vlog showed - complete with extended footage of the body of an apparent suicide victim. In a short intro, Paul called it "the most real vlog I have ever posted on this channel" and "a moment in YouTube history."

On Monday, amid outrage on Twitter and from other YouTube personalities, the video disappeared from Paul's YouTube channel, and the social media superstar tweeted out an apology. Paul said he "intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention" with the video, and claimed he "didn't do it for views."

"I'm often reminded of how big a reach I have & with great power comes great responsibility," He said. "For the first time in my life I'm regretful to say I handled that power incorrectly.

Read the rest

The Trump-appointed energy official who blamed wacko comments on hacking just resigned

Poor William C. Bradford. The Trump-appointed head of the DOE's Office of Indian Energy said he was the victim of a bad person who used his social media accounts "over the past several years" to say crazy things like Obama is from Kenya, it was right to put Japanese-Americans into concentration camps in WWII, and that "Obama is the son of a fourth-rate p&*n actress and w@!re."

Soon after Mr. Bradford (he prefers to be called "Brute") was given his plum DOE job he deleted his Twitter account, but The Washington Post found the tweets that the bad person posted to Brute's account without his permission. Here's a sample:

Surprise twist: It turns out that that bad person was "Brute" himself. "Brute" issued an apology to The Washington Post:

“As a minority and member of the Jewish faith, I sincerely apologize for my disrespectful and offensive comments. These comments are inexcusable and I do not stand by them. Now, as a public servant, I hold myself to a higher standard, and I will work every day to better the lives of all Americans.”

To add insult to injury, "Brute" was forced to tender his resignation yesterday from his plum job at the DOE. So long, "Brute!" Read the rest

The guy who said a black man stabbed him because he has a neo-Nazi haircut stabbed himself

“Soooooooo apparently I look like a neo-Nazi and got stabbed for it,” wrote 26-year-old Joshua Witt on Facebook. “Luckily I put my hands up to stop it so he only stabbed my hand... please keep in mind there was no conversation between me and this dude I was literally just getting out of my car.” Witt said his attacker was a black man. The alt-right went berserk over the story, but in a big surprise twist, it turns out that Witt stabbed himself.

From Gizmodo:

Witt’s story was first debunked by Buzzfeed who contacted the police in Sheridan, Colorado for the full story. Gizmodo reached out to the Sheridan Police Department as well, who confirmed that Witt actually stabbed himself. And on top of that, he originally told police that his attacker was a “black male” in his mid-20s.

Police checked surveillance footage near the Steak n’ Shake where he was allegedly attacked and couldn’t find anybody running from the scene like Witt had claimed. What did they really find on the tapes? Footage of Witt buying a knife at a nearby store minutes before he was allegedly “attacked.”

“On August 24, 2017 Sheridan Police, re-interviewed Mr. Witt where he was confronted with all the information listed above,” Sheridan Police Chief Mark Campbell told Gizmodo in a statement.

“Mr. Witt subsequently admitted to accidentally cutting himself with the knife while parked in his car in front of the sporting goods store and admitted making up the story about being attacked,” Chief Campbell continued.

Read the rest

The "crying white supremacist" was a parking meter officer harasser (Colbert Report 2014)

Before Chris Cantwell became infamous as the angry white supremacist in Vice's Charlottesville: Race and Terror and soon after as the weeping, frightened white supremacist in a viral video, he was an armed harasser of parking meter officers. In fact, in 2014 The Colbert Report profiled Cantwell and two other equally nutty members of his group. They harassed an Iraq veteran who was a meter officer so much that he quit his job. "Very fine" people indeed.

Here's the video:

From Heavy:

The 36-year-old Cantwell, who runs a podcast called Radical Agenda, is heard sharing his anti-Semitic and racist views in the Vice film, even telling reporter Elle Reve that he doesn’t think President Donald Trump is racist enough because he allowed his daughter Ivanka Trump to marry the Jewish Jared Kushner. “I don’t think that you can feel about race the way I do and watch that Kushner bastard walk around with the beautiful girl,” Cantwell said.

Read the rest

Prank bro learns that removing stop signs ain't smart

Charles Ross recorded himself removing stop signs for sweet, sweet YouTube views. He found an audience in the local police who pranked him back with a 3rd-degree felony charge. Read the rest

Redneck almost kills his buddy with a nitrous-powered office chair

If Mythbusters and Jackass had a brother they kept in the attic and never talked about, he would be FarmtruckandAZN. Farmtruck, the brains of the outfit, invented the Nitrous Chair. Read the rest

Gentleman needs $10K after breaking both legs filming YouTube stunt

YouTuber 8booth runs a stunt channel where he's known for barely making jumps off cliffs and balconies into water. He almost killed himself over the summer with a cliff jump into Morro Bay. His luck ran out at a Laguna Beach motel. Videos below. Read the rest

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