Your reaction when you think you're 79, but you're really 98: 'Holy f*ck!'

Born in 1919, this gentleman thinks he's only 79 years old. Watch as he learns he's going to turn 99 this summer. He asks, "How did I get old so fast?" I hear ya, buddy, I hear ya.

(reddit) Read the rest

New 'Hamilton' track about Benjamin F*cking Franklin released, sung by The Decemberists

Here's an F-bomb-filled anthem about Benjamin Franklin that never made it into Lin-Manuel Miranda's hit musical, Hamilton. It's a humorous tune called "Benjamin Franklin's Song" and it's sung by The Decemberists.

The band shares the song's story:

HAMILTON, as you probably know, is an American musical theater production written by a guy named Lin-Manuel Miranda. Lots of people have seen it, lots of people are continuing to see it, lots of people have raved about it. We saw a production of it in New York last year and we can tell you: it’s very very good. And important. And transformative to our countrys current milieu. Etc. Well, it happens that Mr. Miranda reached out to our own Colin Meloy to put music to a set of lyrics that had been written for HAMILTON but had never been used: a first-person introduction to one of the US’s founding fathers, Mr. Benjamin Franklin. Lin said that he’d wanted to include Franklin as a character in the show initially, but it just never quite worked something about not wanting to remove the audience more than once from the action taking place in our nascent United States. Funnily enough, he said he’d imagined Franklin singing in a sort of Decemberist-y way, whatever that means. FAST FORWARD TO 2016: Lin passed on the lyrics to Colin, who was very much up to the task, and a new song was born: BEN FRANKLIN’S SONG, to be exact. We really like it. It’s very swear-y, but there’s a clean version too.
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UK cops' porn-spotting software can't tell the difference between sand and skin

British cops got software to help them identify children in abuse images, but it's having trouble telling the difference between skin and sand.

...the department is working with “Silicon Valley providers” to help train the AI to successfully scan for images of child abuse. But as we’ve seen, even the most powerful tech companies can’t seem to deploy algorithms that don’t fuck up every once in awhile. They have promoted dangerous misinformation, abetted racism, and accidentally censored bisexual content. And when Gizmodo recently tested an app intended to automatically identify explicit images in your camera roll, it flagged a photo of a dog, a donut, and a fully-clothed Grace Kelly.

What are the odds that Londons' finest paid fabulous sums of money for what amounts to a dumb imagemagick script that averages and compares color samples from various points on each image, and are now paying fabulous sums more to have some rinkydink machine learning grafted on. Read the rest

When gifts are for the giver

This video encapsulates every British middle-class family's Christmas since at least the 1960s. Read the rest

The Onion's new profanity-laced cooking videos send up the genre perfectly

Since Gordon Ramsay got 25 million views showing how to scramble eggs, there's been a sharp uptick in inane cooking videos. Enter The Onion with the perfect response. Read the rest

The most common swear words on Reddit

Data wizard Gregor0410 crunched the numbers and figured out what the most common swear words on Reddit are. The top two, running almost neck and neck, are "fuck" and "shit." An order of magnitude behind are "dick" and "bullshit", with "cunt" and "cock" putting in respectable totals each similar in size to other swear words combined. [via] Read the rest

Disturbing animation of rubbery, squidgy SCI heads

"Parasitic endeavours" is a short NSFW animation by Simon Christoph Krenn, with sound design by Matthias Urban, an entry in the emergent genre of ultra-realistic CGI human bodies behaving like unusual materials. [via Sploid] Read the rest

Optical illusion tights and swim shorts give you the junk of Michaelangelo's David

The yoga pants are $42, and the swim shorts are $45; either one will turn you into a Renaissance hunk. (Thanks, Fipi Lele!) Read the rest

Earth & Moon: surreal, vaguely sexual experimental 3D animation

Cool 3D World's "Earth and Moon" is just over 2 minutes' worth of goopy, poopy, sexy, planetary, grotesque and wonderful experimental 3D animation; it's like a hand-turned, grownup version of those super-weird algorithmically generated Youtube Kids spam videos, but in a really, really good way. (via JWZ) Read the rest

This Christmas elf is selling fast because of its suggestive tongue

Press this plush Christmas elf's foot and its tongue starts vibrating, quite suggestively. The Sun reports:

The £10 toy has been flying off the shelves at Asda stores across the country with sales reaching a climax even though there is still more than a month to go to the big day.

Punters have to press a button in its foot to make its hands move away from its face as it wiggles its tongue at high speed and shouts: "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," indeed.

(somenews) Read the rest

Englishman takes emu for walk

If you're a fan of emus, or a fan of swearing in a northern English accent, this is the video for you. Read the rest

Book release party in LA for Liartown book

Sean Tejaratchi is one of my favorite book designers, and his Liartown website, filled with parody book and magazine covers, is as great and funny as National Lampoon was in the 1970s. This Sunday, Wacko in Los Angeles is throwing a book launch party for the new Liartown book. I hope to see you there!

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Massive and mysterious wooden penis erected atop Austrian mountain

A huge wooden penis has been, er, erected atop Mount Oetscher, 6,211 feet in the Austrian Alps. From Metro:

The Oetscher ski lift operators were equally puzzled by the penis, but seemingly embraced the artwork as a future tourist attraction. One wrote jokingly on social media: ‘With us, not only winter is coming.’

The operators have however asked the ‘creative artist’ to ‘secure the object sufficiently’ as they fear it might not withstand a storm.

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Headline fail: Kansas students get 'first hand job experience'

Students from Pratt High School in Kansas didn't get their "first hand job experience" as reported, but they -- and a headline writer at The Pratt Tribune --did get a lesson in grammar. On Saturday, the local newspaper printed an inappropriate, though hilarious, headline for an otherwise benign article about Disability Mentoring Day. The hyphen-less headline was completely rewritten for the online version of the story.

image via Tigerfan56

Thanks, Tim! Read the rest

One Dutch couple's insanely racy wedding photos

In August, Dutch photographer Michel Klooster captured these unusual photos of a newlywed couple. Read the rest

Videocam footage of wild 1980s teen house party ending with the police showing up, as they do

(NSFW) Len Enders writes, "(On December 8, 1989), a friend and I threw a party at our house to celebrate our 19th birthday. We rented a video camera for the occasion and this is a short edit of the remaining footage from that night." (via r/ObscureMedia, thanks, UPSO!)

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World's greatest trailer for a book: Sean Tejaratchi's Liartown

[NSFW] I don't recall ever seeing a better advertisement for a book. I've been a longtime admirer of Sean Tejaratchi's work, first as the founder of the Craphound zine, then as a book designer, and lately as a creator of absurd satirical ephemera on his website, Liartown. His new book, Liartown, is out next month. See Rob's preview of this stupendous artifact. Read the rest

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