[My friend Peter Sheridan is a Los Angeles-based correspondent for British national newspapers. He has covered revolutions, civil wars, riots, wildfires, and Hollywood celebrity misdeeds for longer than he cares to remember. As part of his job, he must read all the weekly tabloids. For the past couple of years, he's been posting terrific weekly tabloid recaps on Facebook and has graciously given us permission to run them on Boing Boing. Enjoy! - Mark]
A sensational medical breakthrough means you’ll never have to go to a doctor or psychiatrist again for an accurate clinical diagnosis.
How else does one explain the extraordinary medical assessments of the stars in this week’s supermarket tabloids, based on just a photograph or two?
AMA could learn a few things from these tabloids medical experts.
TV’s Friends star Matthew Perry is suspected of a “drug relapse because the actor “looks horrible,” says Dr. Stuart Fischer, “who has not treated 46-year-old Matthew but reviewed recent photos of the actor,” according to the National Enquirer. “He looks ill-kempt and homeless,” says the doc, which as any dedicated tabloid reader will tell you, is a dangerous medical condition.
Angelina Jolie is an “anorexic wasting away,” alleges the Enquirer, riding one of its favorite rail-thin hobby horses. They enlist Dr. Art Mollen of Arizona to determine, based on photographs, that Angie needs hospitalization “immediately,” plus a team of “psychiatrists, cardiologists, nutritionists and even the family” to save her life. The Enquirer adds, in stark red headlines almost two inches tall, that she weighs "82 lbs” - an assessment that can only mean they are now hiring former fairground hucksters who used to “Guess Your Weight” at carnival midway stands. Read the rest