Burning Man announced that its theme for 2020 is The Multiverse, which seems appropriate for this week’s crop of truth-defying tabloids, which in an infinite number of possible universes might actually be accurate in one of them.
Assuming facts not in evidence is a time-honored courtroom objection, and one which could be stamped on almost every page of this week’s tawdry tabloids.
“Shocking charge blows lid off 22-year cover-up” screams the cover of this week’s National Enquirer. “Diana’s Killer Found!”
There’s a baby boom exploding in Hollywood - but don’t expect to see any of the infants, which exist only in tabloid imaginings.
The British Royal soap opera continues with fantastic and implausible plot twists, if you believe this week’s fact-challenged tabloids.
You go away to Burning Ban for a couple of weeks of desert heat, wind, dust and EDM-fueled contemplation, and return to find the tabloids in dire need of a personal transformative experience of their own, still spouting the same fever dream imaginings as before.
Tabloid reporters must live in a constant state of paranoia if this week’s offerings are any indication.
The tabloids are routinely filled with news you can’t use, but it’s intriguing to find that their pages are also filled with ads for products nobody needs.
World War III is coming - hold the eighth page!
How long does it take to dig a hole six feet deep and eight feet long using just a fork?
We're through the looking glass and down the rabbit hole in this week’s tabloids that give Alice in Wonderland a run for her money in their wild imaginings.
It’s the start of July, but it already feels like August in the tabloids, which this week reek of nothing-happening-desperation.
If the British Royal Family is a reality TV show, the tabloids are their unseen scriptwriters.
If you’re having a heart attack, forget an EKG in the ER. Instead, have doctors check your legs in the hospital lobby.
You’re a tabloid reporter and you’re used to fabricating many of the “facts” and “quotes” in your stories, but there are some days when you can’t even be bothered to do that with any conviction, days when your fevered imagination doesn’t have the energy to get out of bed.
So you get what we see in this week’s tabloids.
George & Amal Clooney are "Dating Other People!” reports the ’National Enquirer,’ in an “Exclusive" inspired by the Clooneys announcing a charity fundraiser offering the winner a private dinner with the celebrity couple at their home in Italy.
The ‘Enquirer’ amazingly interprets the Clooneys' altruism as “an excuse to ignore their wedding vows,” suggesting that the couple are wife-swapping swingers for charity, and that George has “opened the door to other men to enjoy the company of his leggy 41-year-old wife!” Expect the Clooneys to fire off an uncharitable lawsuit any minute now.
The ‘Globe’ cover’s obligatory story about the British Royals boasts: “Explosive Police Dossier Found! Charles’ Motive For Murdering Diana!” Prince Charles allegedly had Diana killed because she was scheming to have him bypassed by the Queen so that the crown would go to son William after QE!!’s death. Which makes no sense: As we’ve noted before, The Act of Settlement of 1701 demands that the monarch’s male heir succeed to the throne no matter what anyone wants. Moreover, Diana was divorced from Charles and anathema to the Palace at the time of her demise, so there’s no way the Queen would have done Diana’s bidding. Read the rest
“RFK Second Shooter Found!” screams the cover of this week’s ‘Globe,’ revealing the identity of the “girl in a polka-dot dress” seen leaving Robert F Kenned's assassination scene in 1968.