Fuck this kid.

Fuck that kid.

Fuck you too. pic.twitter.com/BfKxJhEEtw

— Jay Kirell (@JasonKirell) August 5, 2018

Rock that ball, kid.

Thanks, Jay! Read the rest

Below, German football player Felix Passlack demonstrates masterful gum control:

When you spit your gum out, but your hands are dirty

As I've posted previously, Under The Weather is a single-person pop-up shelter to sit inside that my big brother Rick came up with a while back. (He was sick of getting soaked at his kids' soccer games and was inspired by a portable toilet he saw by the field.) Late last night, he had me cracking up at this new video of him pitching his product (literally). "Bet I can't do it blindfolded? Let's see."

Under The Weather is designed for spectator sports, fishing, and other outdoor events where it's raining, windy, or cold, but you are either obligated to watch or having so much fun you don't want to leave. No doubt it's an odd invention but he's selling a slew of them!

You can buy the pods directly here: Under the Weather Pods

Read the rest

His name is Gummi Ben. The BBC reports on a remarkable day for the 330,000-strong island nation.

(Edit: sorry about the hinky Streamable embed; open video in a new window)

Gummi Ben, who became a commentator after hanging up his boots in 2009, has been fending calls off all day.

"It's been quite strange and actually hectic, because the phone hasn't stopped ringing," he told the BBC.

"But I'm really enjoying it! It's part of the job."

Translation: "*screams*. My voice is gone, but it doesn't matter. We have come forward, in this tournament, and never, not once have I ever felt so good" Read the rest

Perhaps this massive eagle thought the ball was a strange egg? Regardless, that's some impressive claw control.

Read the rest

During a recent soccer match in Maranhao, Brazil, a referee stabbed and killed a player during a fight after the player refused to leave the field. Continuing this stunning example of good sportsmanship, the spectators proceeded to stone the referee before decapitating him. "One crime will never justify another," said the local police chief. (BBC News) Read the rest

Here's a brutal, must-read article from Brian Phillips detailing the bizarre, globalized game of soccer-match-rigging, which launders its influence, money and bets through countries all over the world, in what sounds like an intense, sport-themed LARP of a William Gibson Sprawl novel:

Right now, Dan Tan's programmers are busy reverse-engineering the safeguards of online betting houses. About $3 billion is wagered on sports every day, most of it on soccer, most of it in Asia. That's a lot of noise on the big exchanges. We can exploit the fluctuations, rig the bets in a way that won't trip the houses' alarms. And there are so many moments in a soccer game that could swing either way. All you have to do is see an Ilves tackle in the box where maybe the Viikingit forward took a dive. It happens all the time. It would happen anyway. So while you're running around the pitch in Finland, the syndicate will have computers placing high-volume max bets on whatever outcome the bosses decided on, using markets in Manila that take bets during games, timing the surges so the security bots don't spot anything suspicious. The exchanges don't care, not really. They get a cut of all the action anyway. The system is stacked so it's gamblers further down the chain who bear all the risks.

What's that — you're worried about getting caught? It won't happen. Think about the complexity of our operation. We are organized in Singapore, I flew from Budapest, the match is in Finland, we're wagering in the Philippines using masked computer clusters from Bangkok to Jakarta.