Florida man spent 24 hours vandalizing high school in the nude

Miramar, Florida police arrested Matthew Crandall, 21, for allegedly breaking into Miramar High School and smashing up the place. He wore only a hat and headphones as he destroyed computers and TVs and apparently caused major flooding. The total wreckage is estimated at $100,000.

Crandall was identified from surveillance footage. According to the Associated Press, "it’s not known whether he has ties to the school."

(Thanks to our Florida bureau chief, Charles Pescovitz!) Read the rest

Melonhead men rob convenience store

Two men wearing watermelons over their heads robbed a Sheetz convenience store in Louisa, Virginia. After asking for community help, police posted they arrested at least one of the melonheads. From the Louisa Police Department Facebook:

On May 6, 2020, at 2135 hours, two subjects arrived at the Sheetz in a LIFTED 2006 Black Toyota Tacoma wearing hollowed-out watermelon rinds with holes cut out for the eyes into the store where they proceeded to commit a larceny.

UPDATE: an arrest has been made, thank you to the community for all your assistance.Larceny InvestigationThe Town of...

Posted by Louisa Police Department- Virginia on Saturday, May 16, 2020
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Paul Manafort released from prison 4 years early due to COVID-19, will serve rest of time on home confinement

Ankle bracelet time for Manafort

"Aggressive chicken" terrorizing bank customers

Walker, Louisiana police are on the lookout for an "aggressive chicken" that's been harassing customers of a bank. The bird is described as 18" tall and weighing 6-8 pounds. Apparently the chicken has been hassling people all week, chasing them and attempting to jump in vehicles. From CNN:

Officers responded to the bank on Walker South Road after receiving a call around 4 p.m. Friday regarding the suspect, which "apparently anticipated the imminent arrival of law enforcement and fled on foot from the scene," Walker police said in the [Facebook] post.

image: Muhammad Mahdi Karim (GFDL) Read the rest

Watch thieves attempt, and badly fail, to steal an ATM by loading it on a flatbed truck

These criminal hijinks reportedly occurred last week in Asiago, a town in the Province of Vicenza, Italy.

"Pay attention, they can shoot at you, Maria."

"They won't shoot."

"Mom, I'm doing a video!" Read the rest

Owner of Fatte's Pizza allegedly robbed a different Fatte's Pizza at gunpoint

On Sunday, police in Paso Robles, California were called to Fatte's Pizza after an armed robber made off with cash from the register. Later that evening, the cops apprehended the suspect, one Darryl Allan, 38, who apparently owns a Fatte's Pizza just 15 minutes away in Atascadero. He had stopped at In-N-Out for a bite.

"Upon their search of the vehicle police found a gun, large amounts of cash, along with drug paraphernalia," reports KSBY News.

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Paul Manafort is the latest terrible person who says he should be released from prison because of Covid-19

The coronavirus pandemic is being seen as a get-out-of-jail free card for imprisoned creeps. Bill Cosby is trying it. So is Michael Cohen and Lee Baca. If Jeffrey Epstein was still alive you know his swarm of lawyers would be trying to spring him, too.

The latest imprisoned creep who thinks he's too special to be locked up is Paul Manafort, who is serving 7½-years for "tax evasion, failing to report foreign bank accounts, witness tampering, and engaging in unregistered lobbying for foreign interests," as reported by Politico.

“Mr. Manafort is at a high risk of contracting COVID-19 at FCI Loretto due to his age and pre-existing health conditions, and it is imperative that Mr. Manafort be transferred to home confinement immediately in order to minimize the likelihood of Mr. Manafort contracting or spreading the potentially fatal disease,” [Manafort lawyer Kevin] Downing wrote in a letter obtained by Politico.

According to The Washington Post, "Federal prosecutors declined to comment on Manafort’s request."

Image: By Alexandria Sheriff’s Office - Alexandria, Virginia Detention Center, Public Domain, Link Read the rest

Incarcerated fraudster Martin Shkreli says he can cure coronavirus if he's released from prison

Martin Shkreli, the universally despised ex-pharmaceutical internet troll, says he can cure coronavirus if he is released from prison early, reports Ars Technica:

“I am one of the few executives experienced in ALL aspects of drug development from molecule creation and hypothesis generation, to preclinical assessments and clinical trial design/target engagement demonstration, and manufacturing/synthesis and global logistics and deployment of medicines,” he writes in a note at the end of the document.

In short, he needs to be sprung from the pokey so he can save the world.

“I am asking for a brief furlough (3 months) to assist in research work on COVID-19,” he writes, adding that this temporary freedom won’t be a treat. “Being released to the post-COVID world is no solace to even the incarcerated.”

Image: By House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform - https://www.flickr.com/photos/oversight/25044779546/in/photostream/, Public Domain, Link Read the rest

Judge denies former LA sheriff Lee Baca request for early prison release because of coronavirus

Former Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, the incarcerated corrupt law enforcement chief who was fond of giving himself awards, campaigning against marijuana legalization, encouraging prison rape, wrongfully imprisoning people, locking up nonviolent people who possessed drugs, and horribly mistreating inmates, asked a judge to release him from federal prison in Texas because of coronavirus. Baca also thought it was a good time to ask to have his conviction and sentence vacated. But U.S. District Judge Percy Anderson denied the request, according to Los Angeles Times. “Sadly, there is no safe location,” said the judge.

From LA Times:

Federal prosecutors had opposed Baca’s release while fighting to have his conviction and sentence vacated. In a filing last week, the U.S. attorney’s office in Los Angeles reminded Anderson of his own comments when handing down a prison sentence: The once-respected sheriff had committed a “‘gross abuse of the public trust,’ ‘blind obedience to a corrupt culture’ and betrayal of the ‘core values’” he once espoused.” The prosecutors were unswayed by Baca’s bid for exceptional treatment.

Image: By ScottMLiebenson - Own work, CC0, Link Read the rest

Federal judge rejects R. Kelly’s coronavirus get out of jail request

A federal judge in New York on Tuesday denied a request that accused serial sexual abuser R. Kelly be released from jail, rejecting claims by his lawyers that he is at high risk of contracting COVID-19. Read the rest

Van Gogh swiped last night during museum smash-and-grab

Last night some asshole smashed a glass door at the Singer Laren museum near Amsterdam and stole Vincent van Gogh's oil painting “The Parsonage Garden at Nuenen in Spring 1884." The museum has been closed due to COVID-19. From the Associated Press:

The value of the (10" x 22") work, which was on loan from the Groninger Museum in the northern Dutch city of Groningen, was not immediately known. Van Gogh’s paintings, when they rarely come up for sale, fetch millions at auction...

A team including forensics and art theft experts was studying video footage and questioning neighbors. [Museum General Director Evert] Van Os said the museum’s security worked “according to protocol,” but he added: “Obviously we can learn from this.”

Read the rest

New Mexico woman stole car for joyride and claimed she was Beyoncé, police say

A woman New Mexico faces criminal charges after police say she stole a car and then attempted to pass herself off as Beyoncé Knowles. Read the rest

Woman in jail after paying bail with cannabis-scented cash

In Ashland, Louisiana, a woman has been arrested on drug charges when police decided the $5,000 cash she used to post an inmate’s bail carried the “strong odor of marijuana.” The Terrebonne Parish Sheriff’s Office started nosing around Stormy Lynn Parfait, 33, last Friday after she showed up to pay bond for an inmate jailed on drug charges. Read the rest

Thief used fishing rod to steal a fancy necklace from a department store

In the surveillance footage above, a fellow is seen using a fishing rod to snatch a designer necklace from a mannequin's neck inside a Melbourne, Australia shop. Police are asking for help identifying the suspect. From CNN:

Authorities believe the man made a hole in the storefront glass window, then slid the fishing rod through the hole into the store to lift the necklace from the mannequin inside, according to CNN affiliate Nine News.

"It appears that the burglar was fishing for about three hours before landing his catch," said police in the statement.

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Woman drunkenly threatened to ‘stab everyone’ on flight to D.C., say prosecutors

A woman who was heavily intoxicated was arrested on a Saturday flight from Frankfurt to Washington, D.C., after she tried to smoke a cigarette in the plane bathroom, and blurted out that her whole family was recently killed in a car accident, none of which was true, say federal prosecutors. Read the rest

Yet again, police arrest gentleman with "Crime Pays" tattoo on his forehead

Yet again, Donald Murray, 38, was arrested following a police chase. Apparently he escaped the cops but they nabbed him later. I wonder how they managed to identify him. From Fox4:

According to the Terre Haute Police Department, Donald Murray was charged with resisting law enforcement, reckless driving, possession of methamphetamine, maintaining a common nuisance and auto theft after the short pursuit Monday morning.

Read the rest

Florida man asks deputy for directions, gets them to jail when cocaine found

The deputy said the inebriated man initially refused a breath test, saying: “You didn’t pull me over. I pulled you over.”

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