Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, being juvenile can pay off. Two brothers have proven this. They've been humorously scribbling on baseball cards since they were kids and now it's landed them a book deal. As children of the 80s, Beau and Bryan Abbott spent their allowance on their baseball card only to discover the collection wasn't worth the cardstock it was printed on. Instead of dumping the long boxes full of cards, the then-elementary-aged boys started "enhancing" them with Sharpies in "endlessly shameless and shameful attempts at making one another laugh." This continued until high school when they stopped for a while.

Mashable (link mine):

Then, while Beau was at the San Francisco Art Institute, Bryan sent Beau a care package with a bunch of newly vandalized baseball cards. Beau showed his fellow students and professors and the cards became a big hit.

Their popular Tumblr has been around since 2012, their Instagram is gaining some traction, and now their first book is coming out in early March. Baseball Card Vandals: Over 200 Decent Jokes on Worthless Cards! can be pre-ordered now for $12.76. You can also purchase individual cards directly from the Abbott brothers ($35 and up).

(RED) Read the rest “Two brothers deface worthless baseball cards for fun and profit”

John Eldredge of St. Petersburg, Florida writes in a Facebook Marketplace listing that he made this lifesize Santa in Carbonite for a sci-fi Christmas party. But the party's over and Santa must go. $200.

Light settings are adjustable to flash at different speeds or not at all. Made with wood, clothes and a lot of hot glue! It's basically a craft and not a precision model, but looks cool. Side panels are made with cosplay foam. Unit is pretty light and stands about 6.5 ft. tall.

photo via John Eldredge/Facebook

(Nerdcore) Read the rest “For Sale: (1) Santa in Carbonite”

This year's hot -- and controversial -- holiday toys are Hasbro's Yellies, a line of plush spider-like ("Spooders) creatures that move faster when you scream at them.

The toys are creating quite a kerfuffle with parents who think the toys are a bad idea.

The person who invented this toy is clearly not a parent. pic.twitter.com/DQGsrn58mI

— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) December 12, 2018

Every parent's nightmare. #yellies pic.twitter.com/z0wNdM3fP0

— littleterror (@mattterror) December 1, 2018

One mother shared that her son was scared of the toy and that it actually fed off her kid's "screams of terror":

...Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present... well I couldn’t wait for Christmas. So I crack it open tonight, and get a good look at it. I test it out. I’m amazed at how powerful the little motor is... how fast the little legs move... how its creepy little eyes glow a lovely shade of radioactive green. So I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran for it. Leo starts screaming... the louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him. He runs. And this is when we discovered the fun little feature in which the spider has a tendency to stop abruptly... pause for a couple seconds... spin in several erratic circles... and then turn towards wherever it senses sound... and take off in that direction.

I thought I had seen it all but now there's this... the Digging Dog Butt Tissue Holder ($28).

"Get laughs as you pull tissues from this diligently digging dog's behind."

Oh, I will.

"Great way for a teacher, therapist, or salesperson to get smiles."

Obviously.

Surprise, it's just a square box of tissues under there! Read the rest “Behold, the digging dog butt tissue holder!”

I might be 12, but my brain went straight to the gutter when I saw this weird banana-filling gadget. This thing is marketed to kids, even though it seems rather inappropriate!

So, this is how the $27 "Banana Surprise" works. You cut off the tip, just the tip. Then, you rest the fruit in the "Yumstation." Now, this is where the fun begins. You get out the tool and jam it into the end and then quickly pull out. And now, according to the directions, it's time to fill that hole with some sweet syrup, fruit puree, or cream.

Surprise, you have an oozing, dripping piece of phallic fruit!

It's just a banana. It's just a banana. It's just a banana.

Related: The phallic pop-up egg-on-a-stick cooker gadget

(Geekologie) Read the rest “Possibly NSFW: A gadget that injects bananas with syrup”

Would you spend $530 on a pair of sneakers that were described like this?

Crumply, hold-it-all-together tape details a distressed leather sneaker in a retro low profile with a signature sidewall star and a grungy rubber cupsole.

Yeah, neither would I, and neither would these folks (aka "the internet"):

Golden Goose comes out with a pair of sneakers listed at $530 that are worn down and kept together by tape. Since when is it a trend to glorify the appearance of used sneakers and poverty? pic.twitter.com/1yLTuitIBX

— Bryan Heckman (@b_hecky) September 20, 2018

Poverty is real, I’ve been bullied for wearing thrifted clothes before thrifting was “cool”, and now we have high end brands capitalizing upon many people’s past and current poverty related suffering. Thank you Golden Goose. I hope the designer that came up with this is happy. https://t.co/iixNhxip7T

— 1-800-ARE-YOU-DYIN (@evelyn_art_) September 20, 2018

The new fashion is wearing worn out looking shoes that include taped one that costs a bomb from $530 to $1340. Glorifying poverty or making a mockery of poverty, can't decide. #fashionstyle #GoldenGoose pic.twitter.com/k8mxvchw4n

— Kumar Manish (@kumarmanish9) September 20, 2018

There's a quote from something, wish I could remember what, but it goes something like "the rich kids all want to be poor and the poor kids all want to be dead". Seems relevant

— steph 👻 (@Thespookysteph) September 20, 2018

Once available at Nordstrom online, these held-together-with-tape sneakers by Italian luxury brand Golden Goose are currently sold out (or removed??). Not to worry, they have plenty of other filthy, overpriced shoes to choose from. Read the rest “These $530 pre-distressed sneakers are pissing people off”

These putty-colored pumps by Maison Margiela ($825) are described as "cloven toe." I might be 12, but wouldn't a better description be "camel toe"?

A similarly racy shoe is available in red for $1080.

Thanks, Caroline B.! Read the rest “These cloven toe pumps will make you look twice”

Step aside couture platform Crocs, you've got some competition for world's most ridiculous spongy-soled shoes. Crocs now come in high heels. I wish I were kidding. Check it and see. Read the rest “High-heeled Crocs exist”

I came across the strangest Aloha shirt on Instagram the other day, one called the "Hawaiian Shuffle" ($55). It depicts Chunk of The Goonies, amongst the shirt's tropical foliage, doing his "Truffle Shuffle."

Two things:

1. I'm 99.9% sure this is an unlicensed Goonies product, which means child-actor-turned-entertainment-lawyer Jeff Cohen (aka Chunk) won't see a dime from its sales (maybe I'm wrong!);

2. A 2015 UPROXX article describes how the film's director Richard Donner felt about that scene and what he did to help Cohen later in life:

Watching the movie as kids, we probably weren’t too aware of how mean the “Truffle Shuffle” was, mainly because Chunk reluctantly performed it for his friends and then went about his business... However, Donner recalls it as a “painful” scene to film and it was ultimately the catalyst for his lasting relationship with Cohen.

“There was no direction,” Donner explained. “I don’t take any credit for that, it was just Jeff. He had to stand on that stump and be ridiculed by his friends so he could come in the house, and he did it as best as that character could do it. So much humor comes from pain. Although, I’m sure he was too young to be analytical about it, but I’m sure that was part of his instincts. It was a painful scene.”

In fact, Cohen told us that Donner hiring him as a production assistant when he was jobless was what opened the door for him to “learn the business of show business.”

“Jeff became very special as an individual for me when he did the Truffle Shuffle because there was an honest pain in that scene for that little boy in front of those little kids,” Donner said.

I don't think I'm cool enough to have these Dream Pops delivered to my house monthly, or ever.

Plant-based ice cream. Packed with superfoods. Dairy, gluten and soy free. All under 100 calories with no artificial additives or stabilizers. We figured it was time to bring ice cream into the 21st century – with real food and real ingredients that you can actually pronounce.

Thanks, Moe! Read the rest “There's now a subscription service for fancy ice pops”

With Father's Day around the corner, the folks behind A.1. Sauce have rolled out (what they consider to be) the greatest gift for dad's ever: meat-scented candles.

The three "meat scents" are Burger, Backyard BBQ, and Original Meat (which they write, "pairs well with dad jokes"). Each candle costs $14.99.

(bookofjoe) Read the rest “Meat-scented candles”

Daiki Suzuki's menswear brand Engineered Garments took the iconic Dr. Martens 1461 shoe and made them into grandpa shoes by adding velcro straps.

They're available in five colors at End. Clothing for $229/pair.

Previously: William Blake Doc Martens and Turn your shoes into roller skates

(The Awesomer) Read the rest “Doc Martens with velcro straps”

Luxury brands Dolce&Gabbana and SMEG have teamed up to create a series of hand-painted, 1950s style refrigerators that have been made available at Neiman Marcus. There are six designs in total, all painted in Italy by Sicilian artists including Michele Ducato, Gianfranco Fiore, and Michelangelo Lacagnina.

On one hand they're charming. On the other, they cost $50,000 each (plus $495 for shipping) and have a "care" note that's of concern:

The refrigerator compartment has automatic defrosting. During normal operation of the refrigerator, frost forms on its back wall when the compressor is working and dissolves when it is not in operation. When the compressor is not working, the frost which has built up on the back wall melts and the water flows into the opening provided in the bottom of the body of the refrigerator. From here, it flows into the tray on the compressor, where it evaporates.

The freezer compartment has to be defrosted manually. When the thickness of frost or ice on the shelves exceeds 0.75" or 2 cm, the freezer should be defrosted. A few hours before defrosting, use the knob provided to set the thermostat on 7 in order to further lower the temperature of the frozen foods. Then turn the knob to the 0 (STOP) setting and disconnect the plug from the electrical mains. Remove the frozen foods from the freezer compartment and protect them from thawing while cleaning. Place a container underneath the pipe to collect the defrosted water.

Clean both refrigerator and freezer compartment about once a month to prevent odors from building up.

Riffraff, step aside. A line of garden hoses for the more discerning yard worker has arrived.

With models like the Gold Digger ("certainly a statement piece is for those who love a bit of show off"), the "graceful and refined" Rusty Rose, and the Caribbean Kiss (which "will make you dream of a tropical beach edged with palm trees"), it's clear that Garden Glory's hoses are no ordinary lawn wetting devices.

The prices are not ordinary either. Hoses are $119 each (plus an additional $49 to $119 for the matchy-matchy nozzle) and come with an "elegant designer bag." Don't forget to kickdown for that complementary Reindeer Wall Mount ($299) to wrap your hose around. Add a pair of golden gloves for $59 and then snap some selfies of yourself "gardening." Your Instagram feed is sure to explode.

All of your "luxurious alternative garden appliances" dreams have come true. **pinch**

Thanks, Polly!

images via Garden Glory Read the rest “Designer garden hoses, and other 'luxurious alternative garden appliances'”

We've seen Disneyland-scented candles before but now there are new contenders in the category of "Things that smell like something you'd find in a Disney resort."

While the Magic Candle Company in Kissimmee, Florida is not affiliated with Disney in any official way, they have made an entire line of candles, wax melts, and spray-on room fragrances that smell like something you'd find in a Disney park.

I think the funniest one is this "Pirate Water" which is scented like the "musty, damp smell" of a familiar "dark water ride" (ie. the Bromine-filled waters of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride).

Take a whiff down memory lane with their other (completely unofficial and unsanctioned) scents like: Pinocchio's Village (a "powerful aroma of pistachio nuts, almond, honey, heliotrope, and rich, creamy vanilla custard"), Churro ("cinnamon, sugar and hints of bergamot and creamy dark chocolate"), and the Pineapple Float (they write, "'Dole' out a smile every time you smell our Pineapple Float fragrance").

There's also something called Walt's Office which is the "warm and spicy aroma of cured pipe tobacco."

Prices are $7.95 for wax melts, $18.95 for the room sprays, and between $15.95 and $28.95 for the candles.

The Magic Candle Company

Thanks, Frank! Read the rest “"Pirate Water" and other fragrances inspired by Disney resorts”