Many folks have to submit themselves to a drug test, on a routine basis in order to stay gainfully employed. There's greasy ways around these tests of course: bringing someone else's urine into the lab to have tested in place of yours, increasing your intake and output pot fluids to dilute the amount of fun in your urine, or adding an adulterant to your sample to name a few.

There are, of course, bolder actions that can be taken.

Captain Joshua Bird (dig that name for pilot) of the United States Air Force's 99th Reconnaissance Squadron loves his cocaine. Apparently, in order to avoid testing positive when his mandatory drug test came around, Bird shaved his entire body—hair, eyebrows, tricky bit, you name it—to foil a follicle-based drug test. This of course, is the sort of brilliant, decisive plan that one thinks of when full to the gunsels with marching powder.

Needless to say, things didn't go as well for Bird as Bird had planned. As a matter of fact they went considerably worse than he could have imagined once other the Air Force learned of his other dabblings in drugs.

From Task & Purpose:

Bird was convicted at a general court-martial in October for using cocaine, distributing dextroamphetamine sulfate (also called "go-gel," a form of the medication used to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD) to others for recreational use, and, most notably, for obstructing justice by "shaving his entire body to avoid a drug test," according to the notice.

Hunter Biden was getting $50,000/month to sit on the board of Burisma, an oligarch-controlled Ukrainian energy company, a job for which he had no qualifications, apart from his surname, which was part of a concerted effort to launder the company's reputation after the collapse of the regime of the oligarch-friendly, Russia-facing Viktor Yanukovych. Read the rest

On Sunday, workers at a Safeway supermarket in King County, Washington found 48 pounds of cocaine hidden inside banana boxes stacked in the stockroom.

"This is an ongoing investigation as detectives try to determine where the bananas came from," the King Country Sheriff posted to Facebook. "Cocaine was also found inside similar produce containers in Safeway stores in Bellingham, and Federal Way."

Once they peel back the layers, I'm sure they'll find that a smuggler really slipped up. I bet the buyer will be pissed when the sellers can't produce the goods. Man, I really crack myself up.

(UPI) Read the rest

Ports of America in Freeport, Texas donated 45 boxes of ripe bananas to the nearby Wayne Scott Unit prison. When the prison officers unloaded the boxes, they "discovered something not quite right."

"One of the boxes felt different than the others," TDCJ (Texas Department of Criminal Justice) said in a statement. "They snipped the straps, pulled free the box, and opened it up. Inside, under a bundle of bananas, he found another bundle! Inside that? What appeared to be a white powdery substance."

They counted 540 packages of cocaine worth approximately $17,820,000. Now that's bananas!

(UPI) Read the rest

Machines come to life and start killing people. Stephen King's cocaine fueled 1986 thriller Maximum Overdrive is still wonderful fun today. Read the rest

As Rick James would be the first to tell you if he weren't dead, cocaine's a helluva drug. Aside from providing an intense high that can be followed by an even more intense bout of depression, tons of fun paranoia, anger, breathing issues and maybe if you're really into the stuff, death. Until today, I have to admit that I was unaware that it also has the power of flight.

According to the New York Times, Floridian (of course she's from Florida) Kennecia Posey was found by officers from the Fort Pierce Police Department to have a goodly amount of marching powder in her purse. The pouch of nose candy was discovered during a traffic stop after seeing the car that Posey was a passenger in was swerving all over the road. The cops decided to search Posey's purse after smelling marijuana in the car. I can't tell you what Posey had to say about her left-handed cigarettes, but her theory on how the bag of rail ended up in there is amazing: she claimed that with it being a windy day, the stuff must have blown in there.

I guess it goes without saying that Posey is getting dinged up on charges of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor count of marijuana possession. I really hope that she fights the charges in court – hard. I want expert witnesses called in to able to talk about the flight qualities of a bag of blow. I demand to hear the arguments over the aerodynamics of an ounce of Yeyo. Read the rest

A Fly Jamaica Airline crew member tried to smuggle $160K worth of cocaine in his pants, from Montego Bay into John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York. His ingenious transport method for the nearly nine pounds of cocaine failed to trick agents for the U.S. Customs and Border Protection. Read the rest

A 39 year old man in Key West Florida has been arrested after police found a large amount of cocaine hidden in a 'Cookie Monster' doll in his vehicle.

More like Coke-y Monster.

From the Monroe County Sheriff's office:

Just after midnight, Deputy Orey Swilley was parked at 14th Street and highway U.S. One in Marathon when he spotted a black Dodge passenger car drive past with the license plate obscured. The tint on the windows of the car was so dark the deputy could not see who was inside. He pulled the car over at 73rd Street, identifying the driver as Camus McNair.

When McNair rolled down his window, Deputy Swilley could smell the odor of marijuana coming from inside the car. A search of the vehicle turned up a backpack. Inside the backpack was a blue “Cookie Monster” doll. Deputy Swilley noticed the doll seemed to weigh more than it should have. He took a closer look and found a slit cut in the doll. Inside the doll were two packages containing what turned out to be a total of 314 grams of cocaine.

Paperwork found inside the backpack indicated the backpack did belong to McNair. Deputies Seth Hopp and Matthew Cory assisted on the traffic stop.

McNair was arrested and charged with trafficking in cocaine.

(via) Read the rest

Authorities say Tulsa maintenance base workers workers for American Airlines found seven bricks of cocaine weighing 31 pounds with a street value of about a half a million dollars hidden in the nose of an AA aircraft. Read the rest

Brian Pollet (aka PsyBry) created this fantastic series of 20 images each themed on a specific drug. Several have accompanying making-of videos that are as hypnotizing as the final stills. Read the rest

"I glit from one thing to another a lot," said David. "It's like flip, but it's the 70s' version. *sniff*" (Subsequently) Read the rest

After a poor performance at his first chatfight with Hillary Clinton, millionaire presidential candidate Donald Trump's claiming his mic was too quiet. Just imagine the nightmare of cocaine snuffles and wet smacking noises this video would be at double sensitivity! Read the rest

A pile of cocaine worth US$55 million was found at a Coca-Cola plant in Signes, France.

"The first elements of the investigation have shown that employees are in no way involved," said regional Coca-Cola president Jean-Denis Malgras.

The 370kg stash of bagged blow was discovered in a shipment of orange juice concentrate from South America.

When first launched at the end of the 19th century, a glass of Coca-Cola was estimated to contain nine milligrams of cocaine. In 1904, the company replaced that ingredient with cocaine-free coca leaf extract. Or at least that's what they tell us.

(BBC)

Read the rest

Police in Mexico say they found 84 pounds (38 one-kilogram packets) of cocaine inside the luggage of a guy who claimed to be a cancer patient, as he boarded a Learjet “air ambulance’ from Tijuana to New York City.

The “cancer patient” arrived at the Tijuana airport in an ambulance, and was accompanied by two female paramedics.

Drug-sniffing dogs found 38 packages of cocaine inside the man's three suitcases.

The supposed cancer patient, the supposed paramedics, and four others aboard the jet were all detained pending investigation.

Se detectan 38 paquetes de cocaína en aeronave tipo ambulancia en #Tijuana Más información https://t.co/81SQyjVpxj pic.twitter.com/kd51WW2BHX

— Policía Federal Mx (@PoliciaFedMx) November 5, 2015

More: Associated Press, Frontera, Diario, Informador, Proceso. Read the rest

Ken Finn is a prop master who has made fake drugs for filmmakers. He says "cocaine is probably one of the two or three easiest [drugs to fabricate]. It's just a white powder." That white powder is usually inositol, a common dietary supplement.

Joe Bernardi of Hopes&Fears reports:

Not just any white powdery substance will do, of course. Says Ken: "You don't want to use powdered sugar because it gets sticky. You really don't want to use flour either because if it gets damp at all it just becomes clumpy." Instead, it's almost always inositol, a B-vitamin compound. "In fact," says Ken, "if you ever snort it, you might get this familiar feeling. A certain memory, like, 'Hey, I've tasted this in the back of my throat before.' What I've learned since then is that actual cocaine is oftentimes cut with this stuff. If you ever do shitty [cocaine], You might actually be ingesting this stuff without even knowing it."

Finn says that sometimes actors request genuine cocaine instead of faux blow:

"A term was recently coined in the industry. No names involved. We call it 'going hot.' If there's a long week, and it's toward the end of the day, and and there's a snorting scene, the actor might request that you 'go hot,' or you switch the fake stuff for the real stuff. It happens more frequently than you might think."

Far out vintage ads for drug paraphernalia, from a water pipe that looks like a set of bathroom fixtures to "The Boosters," a brand of additives that moisten weed and act as a desiccant for cocaine. Read the rest